Ever heard the phrase “Nice guys finish last?” I disagree. It should be “Nice girls finish last.”

This is not a call to be a jerk or to stop being kind. This is an alert to start putting yourself first and speaking up. I have seen it too many times in business and with my clients.

They want to be liked. They don’t want to make waves. They don’t want to upset people. So, they stay quiet, nod along, or smile through it. Underneath the surface their sad, frustrated, and angry. The question is what do you want to feel instead of being “nice”? How do you want people to perceive you instead of being “likeable.”

I’ve worked with women who wait to be told what to do because being proactive feels too aggressive or pushy. They get passed up for promotions and feel misunderstood.

I don’t blame them. They’ve been fed lines and subconscious messages about how women are supposed to act. Be quiet and polite. Smile and be approachable. Respond, but don’t talk too much. Don’t be pushy. Don’t be a bitch. Keep it together. It’s an unachievable quest for perfection.

As adults, we realize this is bullshit, but how do we break out of being the “Nice Girl” and start being the CEO of our lives? It starts with these questions.

1)      What do you want?

2)      Why do you want it?

3)      What would be different if you had it?

4)      What are you doing that’s working for you?

5)      What isn’t working for you?

6)      If you could say anything, ask anything, know anything, what would it be?

Notice what all of these have in common? YOU!

It’s not about what others think about you or could think about you. It’s about what you want, what you do, what you say, and how you say it. It’s about throwing your shoulders back and owning your space. It’s about asking for what you need. It’s about knowing you deserve to receive what you need. It’s about saying no when you don’t agree with something or want to do it. It’s about saying yes to things that make you uncomfortable, but stretch you into being more powerful and resilient. It’s about strutting into the room, looking people in the eye, and speaking your truth. And in the end, it’s not about whether or not people think you’re nice.