Having Trouble Saying “No”? The Triple Ds Have Your Back

If you’re feel like your calendar is congested or you can’t find time for yourself, try the three Ds when you’re asked to do something. Before saying yes, ask yourself…

#1: Is it Doable?

No.

“I don’t think this in my wheelhouse.“

“It looks like my calendar is full.”

Yes.  (Ask yourself question #2)

#2: Is it Desirable?

Yes.

“That sounds awesome. Let me check my schedule to see when I have time to get that done.”

No. (Go to question #3)

#3: Is it Delegatable?

No.  – If it’s something only you can do, where is the resistance coming from? Feel free to ask if you can get back to them so you can determine where the potential blocks are.

Yes. – Refer that business and build your referral business. “I know someone who would be awesome to help you with that.”

So, in actuality you’re not really saying “no.” By thinking through these questions, you can take the time to see if it works for you or if you’re the best fit for the job.

Stop Being the Nice Girl

Ever heard the phrase “Nice guys finish last?” I disagree. It should be “Nice girls finish last.”

This is not a call to be a jerk or to stop being kind. This is an alert to start putting yourself first and speaking up. I have seen it too many times in business and with my clients.

They want to be liked. They don’t want to make waves. They don’t want to upset people. So, they stay quiet, nod along, or smile through it. Underneath the surface their sad, frustrated, and angry. The question is what do you want to feel instead of being “nice”? How do you want people to perceive you instead of being “likeable.”

I’ve worked with women who wait to be told what to do because being proactive feels too aggressive or pushy. They get passed up for promotions and feel misunderstood.

I don’t blame them. They’ve been fed lines and subconscious messages about how women are supposed to act. Be quiet and polite. Smile and be approachable. Respond, but don’t talk too much. Don’t be pushy. Don’t be a bitch. Keep it together. It’s an unachievable quest for perfection.

As adults, we realize this is bullshit, but how do we break out of being the “Nice Girl” and start being the CEO of our lives? It starts with these questions.

1)      What do you want?

2)      Why do you want it?

3)      What would be different if you had it?

4)      What are you doing that’s working for you?

5)      What isn’t working for you?

6)      If you could say anything, ask anything, know anything, what would it be?

Notice what all of these have in common? YOU!

It’s not about what others think about you or could think about you. It’s about what you want, what you do, what you say, and how you say it. It’s about throwing your shoulders back and owning your space. It’s about asking for what you need. It’s about knowing you deserve to receive what you need. It’s about saying no when you don’t agree with something or want to do it. It’s about saying yes to things that make you uncomfortable, but stretch you into being more powerful and resilient. It’s about strutting into the room, looking people in the eye, and speaking your truth. And in the end, it’s not about whether or not people think you’re nice.

Working Through Writer’s Block: Observations During the 30-Day Blog Post Challenge

A year ago, I stopped writing. I went from writing every day with the goal of finishing my book to nothing. What I wrote felt flat and uninspired. My daily practice turned into forced bi-monthly homework. Judgment, criticism and fear took over and I decided to hide my words.

Last month I wanted to change. I wanted to be heard. I wanted to get my voice out there. So, the day after Labor Day I pledged to write every day for 30 days. As an added accountability, I had to post it to my blog. I believe this post will be #24 of 30. This has been an amazing experience. Some posts have been cathartic, some have been snarky, some have been inspirational. All of them have been real and honest.

I’ve decided to continue writing beyond the 30 days and go for 100, so feel free to hide my posts now on Facebook if it’s too much for you.

Why have I decided to give myself more work?

I keep hearing daily practice creates behavior change. I feel more organized and clear about my expectations. In a profession that changes daily, writing is my constant. Writing allows me to process and reflect and capture it for later use. Who knows I may have a book or 10 after 100 days. 750 words/day x 100 days = 75,000 words (that’s like two novels!)

How much time does it take?

I write when I’m inspired and sometimes can crank out a post in twenty minutes. Sometimes I block out two hours and write three or four. The constant is the daily post.

How do I start writing?

As I’m walking, listening to podcasts or having conversations with my dog, I capture the ideas that pop in my head and add the ideas to a note section on my phone. When I’m ready to write I go back to my list and dive in. I make sure I’m comfortable (usually in bed or curled up on the couch and have light background music on). I start with the title and use it as my objective for the post. Then I use writing to reverse engineer my idea. Others need to vent and refine. I write in the voice I speak and find my style to sometimes turn into tangents.

When do I know I’m done?

The 750-word target works nicely with getting blog posts expressed. Beyond 30-60 minutes, I find that my ideas get a bit repetitive and bland. By creating a specific number of tips in the title (i.e. Six Pick-Me-Ups When You’re Feeling in the Dumps About Your Business), I know that I need to be done by number six. If I have more I adjust the title or condense other themes together. If the blog goes beyond 750 words, it signals to me I may need to create more than one post or develop a series.

Lesson Learned

Don’t have an expectation to writing or posting.

If all you care about are likes and reads, your creativity will be restricted.

Write about what you love and are passionate about.

Write for you and you alone.

You will never make everyone happy.

Take risks, but be prepared for the backlash.

Have fun with it!

Social Media: WTF Am I Doing?!?!

I am not a social media expert, but I would say I have a critical eye and observe trends and patterns. I was lucky enough to work with the amazing team at Twelve North Consulting earlier in the year to get my ish together related to social media. I’ve been able to implement their framework into my own practices and now I get to share some of it with you.

Over the last few months I have witnessed the good, ugly and bad of social media. From misspellings to misquotes, it’s can be a jungle. There is an understandable fear and resistance to social media – especially Instagram and Facebook. With new technology, tags, boosts, and trolls, it can be easy to sit things out and not engage.

But, engage you must! With most of your target market on smart phones throughout their day, they’re looking for you online beyond your website.

So what do you need to know to be effective?

1)      What are your goals? Do you want to educate, play, inform, inspire, etc. Once you figure that out…

2)      What is your tone? Are you snarky, supportive, direct, bold, passionate, sympathetic? Once you figure that out…

3)      What are you known for? Are you a service provider, honest source, creator of smiles, etc? Once you figure that out…

4)      Who are you speaking to? Who is your target market? Stay at home moms, small business owners, executives?...

5)      What is your target market looking for? Check out their liked posts and note the hash tags. How frequently are they engaging? When? (Get Instagram Insights to tap into your post effectiveness)

6)      Make your posts consistent. In color, themes, messaging.

7)      Don’t be afraid to comment and direct message people. Give words of encouragement and compliments. Make sure it’s your authentic voice.

8)      Too much or too little? If you are getting less than 5% of your followers engaging (likes and comments), you are part of the noise and need to examine the above items.

It may be too many posts. It may be flat content. Ask for an outside opinion if it’s not clear to you. Don’t be afraid to ask for help if you don’t know. What’s the worst thing that could happen?

When In Doubt, Just Be You

Today I was reminded about who I am and what I’m meant to do.

No, this isn’t a piece on self-reflection and authenticity. This about owning who you are without apologies or caveats. This is an ode to stepping into your space and finding the flow pocket.

Yesterday I turned 34. This was the first time in over seven years that I haven’t cried on my birthday. I had a lovely day with friends. Some showed up, some didn’t. Normally I would’ve focused on why people weren’t there and what it meant about me. Yesterday was different. On September 24th, I made a pledge to show up differently and stop looking for what was wrong around me.

I had been wrestling around with the judgment of who I was supposed to be as a coach. Here was my list:

• Honest
• Supportive
• Creative
• Empathetic
• Energized
• Professional
• Organized

Does that list bore you as much as it does for me? I’m half asleep (probably because I’m writing this in bed). That’s great for somebody else, but it sure as hell isn’t me.

Over the last year I have come to terms with the fact that I am not for everyone.

I love to curse. I don’t have a poker face. I speak out of turn. I get more excited than my clients when I hear a great idea. I yell at people if they’re disrespecting themselves. I exercise tough love. I use sarcasm and puns on a regular basis. I don’t meditate every day. I care about what people think of me. I judge other people and their actions. I am NOT Gandhi.

So now that we’ve gotten that out of the way I can tell you about my revelation.

In the last month, I have had the most kick ass clients and contacts come into my life. They are ready to do the work. They love to be challenged and to play. They love that someone will tell them honestly and directly what they see. They don’t hesitate when I tell them my rates. They show up and they kick ass.

Today I had a consult with a business owner who was my ideal client to a T. She is in the creative space as is self-aware and ready to put herself out there to take her business to the next level. That sounds pretty good for a standard client so I decided to dig deeper. Before our call I decided to check out her website and Instagram account. In addition to being creative, articulate and professional, I saw a sparkly neon light of awesomeness – she has a deep love for 90s hip hop and terrible Sci-Fi. YES!

Our call became an exchange of philosophies and life experiences. The fifteen minutes flew by and it felt more like friends catching up than a sales pitch. (This is what I consider the flow pocket).

I’m pretty sure I cursed at least three times and called work-life balance bullshit. I made lyrical references to Snoop Dogg and Salt N Pepa and offered to send my rapping YouTube video over.

I’m sure I broke some rules in Coaching Etiquette 101, but rules are just suggestions. My goal is to connect with people and see them where they are. In exchange they see me as a real person and not some high brow consultant analyzing their every move and decision.

We’re all going to mess up at some point – and that’s awesome. Lessons are born in the messiest of decisions. When we can let our hair down and trust the creative process to dig in and see our way out of our blocks, we can build a vision we never knew existed.

I am grateful for the coaches, friends and family around me, that have been trust my process even when I’m sure I sounded crazy. I am even more thankful for the people that didn’t believe my bullshit when I tried to be that other kind of coach.

Surround yourself with good and honest people. Take risks. Fail. Get Back Up. Fail Again. Learn. Grow. AND BE AWESOME.

How I Fell Through Stage Fright

I’ve always loved to perform. You can see the joy in my eyes as a kid in the VHS tapes as I belted out James Taylor in the bath tub. (No, you’re not going to see that video). I would perform in school plays, sing in the chorus and had trumpet solos in jazz band. But then it stopped. I felt uncomfortable in my skin, had braces put on and couldn’t play the trumpet, and didn’t want to be judged.

This may be surprising to people who know me. I’ve been putting on a good act of over-projecting to get it done on stage. In my professional career as an executive director, I was tasked to deliver opening remarks during the first session. My palms would sweat, my throat would close up and my heart rate went on a sprint down a hill. I got through them, but never enjoyed it.

As a coach and business owner, I am solely responsible for promoting and selling my services. I also become frequent as a guest rapper with a Bluegrass Americana band. But now I don’t feel the same level of anxiety and nervousness.

What changed?

Well back in November of 2016, I was called on stage to do my first rap performance. I had no idea it was going to happen and had consumed 2 or 3 glasses of wine. As I heard my name, the initial clench in my chest started, but I pushed through. It wasn’t a perfect rendition, but I don’t think anyone was sober enough to notice. The crowd applauded and I made my way off the stage. Only I misjudged the blinding effects of the stage lights and didn’t see the monitor smack dab in front of me. My left foot caught the corner of the monitor and I knew I was going down. It felt like everything slowed down and I somehow had the reaction to pike my body rather than flail my arms and knock mic stands and people down. So down I went and only the bassist noticed. He plucked me out of my stumble and I snuck back to my seat head firmly in my hands. I was waiting for laughter or “Ouch,” but there was nothing. No one cared or really noticed and the ones who did bought me drinks.

If this was the worst it was going to be, I’ll be just fine, I thought to myself. I haven’t had any falls since then as I am much more aware of my surroundings. I still have a tinge of nerves, but they come and go quickly. I’ve been on stage in front of hundreds of people and I feel the adrenaline and not the fear. So go and fall, go and fail, live out the worst case scenario because chances are they’re not that bad and you’ll survive!

If you’re curious and have a sleuthing eye, you can track down that video on my Facebook page. Good luck!

5 Things to Do Before Taking On Your First Client or Sale

1)      The Business’ Money is Not Your Money - If you don’t have a separate bank account established. Stop right now and get it done. Your funds need to be separated for tax and sanity purposes. If you have a separate bank account set up, you can pay yourself a fare wage depending on your business set up. I’ve seen too many people co-mingling funds or thinking they have more money than they do. Your business is there to support you and if it doesn’t work, you need to keep your personal finances clear. When your business is successful, it will be taxed as such and you’ll need to be able to prove write off expenses including your income.

2)      Know Your Numbers – From Day 1, you should know what you need to make in a month and year to live to your standards. Set a budget and proforma. How much many clients or widgets do you need to sell to break even? Have you factored in taxes? Where in the year are those big-ticket expenses (insurance, equipment upgrades, etc)?

3)      Know What You’re Offering – If you can’t clearly articulate what you do in two sentences or less, you need to spend more time or work with someone to help you get there. As a consumer, I decide in ten seconds if I want to work with your or buy from you. If you can’t get your value across on your website or in person, your message will be lost on your customers and it will make the next item that much trickier.

4)      Set Your Prices and Stick to Them – Nothing frustrates me more than the business owner who changes their price every time they get a customer or client email that is a smidge critical. When you adjust your prices, you’re communicating uncertainty and a lack of clarity around your business. Before you take on a client, factor in your worth and the time and resources needed to support your service or product. Know your competition and industry standards and price accordingly. In no way should you be the lowest price in town. All that does is create a race to the bottom of the barrel and the clientele you’ll bring on will expect low costs and will not be in the mindset to increase what they pay you.

5)      Define Your Policies and Procedures – Draft up your contracts and agreements and make sure you’re comfortable with them. What about your refund policy or no-show policy? How do you handle contract violations? There are great resources out there for templates and I certainly advise working with a lawyer in your industry to make sure your butt is securely covered.

This is just a snapshot of what to look out for. If you have any others to add, feel free to post below.

Take 2: My Birthday Letter of Intention

I had to start over as the last letter I wrote to myself was a lot of funk and stuck energy. So I did a little reframe shimmy-shake since I certainly wouldn’t want my next year to be any of that nastiness.

Every year I write a letter to myself on my birthday written as if it has already happened. You may find it a little corny (but that’s better than cheesey with my lactose intolerance). It works for me and keeps me honest. I do this instead of New Year’s Resolutions as those quickly dissipate in mid-February.

33 has been an amazing year. My business has taken off and I’ve gained clarity around my service offering and pricing. I put on my first event (The Spring Cleaning Summit) and got amazing feedback. I earned my PCC certification with over 500 certified hours (four months after I obtained my ACC). I invested in myself and got certified as an MBTI Practitioner in Step I and II. I rapped on stage for the first time, fell on my butt and got back up again (don’t believe me? There’s video proof). I’ve performed on stage at the 9:30 Club, World Café Live, The Black Cat and countless other places with a pretty rad boyfriend and his band. I’ve helped friends and strangers driving Ubers find their purpose and passion. Most importantly I’ve taken care of myself and called in my support circle on this crazy adventure.

I never thought a year ago I would be doing any of this. I was prepared to go back to the 9-5 to regain my financial security. Thankfully, the universe knew that was bullshit and kept me on my path. I still haven’t finished my book, but as a result of my 30 Day Blog Challenge, I’m back to writing consistently and from an honest place and have plans… BIG PLANS.

So now that I’ve warmed up my gratitude muscle, my creative juices are ready to flow for my 34th year.

It’s September 24, 2018 I just got back from an amazing conference where I gave a keynote address in front of 400 bad ass women. Rico Suave greats me at the door with his favorite moose toy. He doesn’t care where I’ve been as long as he gets a good butt rub and new toy out of it.

This year has been a whirlwind of exciting empowerment. My clients have been killing it with their businesses and as a result have been referring in more business to me than I know what to do with. I have a waitlist of 20 clients to work with me in a three-month intensive business coaching program.

Ever since I put out the monthly e-books and leadership training events, my phone has been ringing off the hook. It turns out what I used to be afraid most of (being viewed as a little trouble maker) is actually what the corporate world has been asking for.

The new company I helped launch earlier in the year, Dynamic Team Design, has been picking up momentum once our initial client signed on. We now have a team of six working in collaboration on projects and proposals.

My role as Business Development Manager for CCG has led to major accounts signing on and singing our praises.

On the outside, people think I’m nuts and doing too much, but the boundaries around my time are clearly defined and allow for free time to play and relax with my loved ones. I love the variety of my clientele and the projects I’m working. I attract in bad ass business owners who love to create and bounce ideas back and forth. I’ve become “The Accomplice of Accomplishments.”

Outside of my work awesomeness, I’ve started playing guitar and ukulele and can now bust out some 90s hip hop while playing.

We’re still in DC until my lease is up at the end of October and then it’s on to home ownership, where I can paint the town and my walls red (or whatever color I choose).

It’s funny how I used to think 34 was old, but now I’ve got more energy than I did in my 20s and I’m pretty sure I look younger too.

So cheers to 34 and all of the awesomeness it’s brought in!

Looking for a Job? Do These 3 Things First

Before I became a coach, I had the glamorous job of pre-screening candidates for our entry level positions. I’d get a stack of 20 cover letters and resumes and would have the fun task of reviewing those documents. If they got the initial thumbs up, I went further into my back-end research. Now I’m a business coach and  work as a contractor to screen and interview candidates for mid and high-level positions. It would be a disservice if I didn’t share with you my top three red flags and necessary fixes.

1)      GOOGLE YOURSELF -That’s right you heard me. Go and Google yourself. Type in your name and see what comes up. What do you see? Is it accurate? Does it portray your current professional image or what you want to be doing?

If you’ve answered “no,” it’s time to start creating kick-ass content to support you as an industry contributor (see my blog on credibility for more ideas).

If you see negative news, there are services out there to help you rebuild your online reputation. (Check Out this Free Guide from ReputationManagement.com )

If you don’t see anything and don’t want it that way, you can create a quick online profile at www.about.me to start establishing your online presence.

2)      Clean Up Your Social Media Presence – Can I tell you how many people have been knocked out of the running based on the pictures and posts they have floating around Facebook and Twitter? If you’re going to use your real name and real photos, you may have real consequences. Don’t think HR or hiring managers will look this up? So wrong. It’s first on the list before you even make it to the phone interview.

Even if your profile is private, I can still see your profile picture. To check, log out of your account and search for yourself. If you can see everything, go to your profile settings and amp up your privacy. This still doesn’t let you off the hook if you have a mutual friend. Just remember anything you post is in public domain and can live forever.

3)      Update Your Resume AND LinkedIn – I’ve heard grumblings about LinkedIn, but trust me, it matters when you’re in job hunt mode. People want to see your history and connections in a snap shot and that you’re taking your professional life seriously. So after you’ve updated your resume, it’s time to take to LinkedIn. This will take a bit of time depending on how out of date your profile is. First make sure you have an appropriate photo (no booze or bikinis, please). Second, update your headline to who you are and what you do. If you aren’t currently working, you can use something along the lines Freelance Writer or Non-Profit Professional. Third, make sure your work history is accurate. If you need an example, feel free to check out my profile: https://www.linkedin.com/in/laurenlemunyan/

The work isn’t over after these action items, but they will prevent the door from closing without good reason.

Evaluating Your Gratitude: Are You Thankful for the Right Things?

Last night I went out for a drink with a former colleague who is now a great friend. We get together every couple of months and dive into the meaty topics of life – family, work, internal blocks. On this day she was different. I noticed it from across the street as she walked to the restaurant. Her posture was rigid and her steps were choppy and lacking intent. As she approached I could see it all over her face. The stress from the last few weeks had taken their toll and she was done.

We got our drinks and appetizers and I started updating her on the latest installment of Lauren 2.0. She was engaged in the conversation, but not all there. Something was clearly on her mind.

“So what’s going on with you?” I asked.

She paused and knew she couldn’t dodge the question with me.

“I think I’ve been grateful for the wrong things.” She said.

She was grateful for her health and to have a job and her daughter and granddaughter’s health. All of the base needs she was thankful for.

“Anything else,” I asked.

“Well none of that is perfect, so I’ll just focus on what is guaranteed and needed.”

This was like a shot in the gut. If it isn’t perfect, is it worth being grateful for it?

I wondered how many other people out there in the world were having their gratitude stunted by The Perfection Gremlin.

Gratitude is like an engine of motivation. When we express gratitude and truly mean it, we receive and observe more things to be thankful for. When we express judgment and cynicism, guess what we see? Everything that is wrong or needs to be fixed.

I gave her a challenge since her initial request was to shift out of this funk – set your timer for 10 minutes when you get home and write down 25 things that would be fun or take care of you and over the next 30 days go out and do them.

As I suspected, she was giving out far too much output and not filling up her self-care tank. Her concerns were focused on making everyone else okay as she continued to be knocked down the priority list. By creating a list all about her needs, the gratitude and self-case lens comes into the forefront.

This behavior starts as a discipline or a ritual. It can be as easy as saying no to someone who is violating a boundary or as high impact as moving on from a job or changing locations. By putting you first, you can actually improve the overall vibe of your environment. When you’re happier, those who support and love you will be happy too.

Side Note: Another Gratitude Challenge for You - Every day write something different that you're grateful for.

My New Appreciation for Introversion

Last week I participated in a four-day certification training for the MBTI Type I and II (Myers-Briggs Type Indicator). I have been a skeptic and critic of personality assessments for the assumption that we all fit into predetermined boxes or labels.

If you’ve online dated in the last couple of years, you’ve seen four letters at the bottom of profiles. In DC, people wear them proudly. I thought it was pretentious and limiting. How can someone only be four letters?

After digging in more and doing my own research, I quickly realized that most people were using the assessment incorrectly. As you probably have experienced, your preference change based on a situation and your personality may react as a result. Our behaviors are fluid, but to the core we are consistent. Rather than saying all people are like (fill in the blank), MBTI and many others give us insight to behavior preference, but in no way says all people with ENTJ will be a certain way.

So back to the original point of this blog – introversion and why I appreciate it. When you’re in a room with 30 other people, many of which are in the training or leadership development professional, you’re going to get a lot of external energy. Conversations quickly become run away trains of excitement and if you aren’t at that level, it can be extremely draining.

I had my assumption about introverts – they’re quiet and don’t want to be disturbed or forced into social activities.

This may be true for some but not all. What I learned is that the introverted preference professionals in my class had no trouble speaking up, but only did so when they had something concise to say. Unlike my word vomiting self who needs to talk out concepts, introverts process internally and look for the right time to speak up if needed.

I ended up having thoughtful and introspective conversations with the introverts compared to the hyper-descriptive extroverts who resembled energizer bunnies when networking. I appreciate one-on-one conversations that matter and feel myself pulled and challenged when having to be “on” for too long. My acquaintances may know me as the life of the party, but my good friends know that I do best in quiet settings with a glass of wine and a juicy topic to dive into.

The moral of the story. Don’t make the same assumption mistake I did. Give quieter people a chance to think and process and give them the space to express. We all have our own way of communicating and have a longing to be acknowledged and validated.

If you're interested in learning more about Myers-Briggs or having your personality type assessed, feel free to check out more information here: www.laurenlemunyan.com/assessments

6 Pick-Me-Ups When You’re Feeling in the Dumps About Your Business

I ended a call with a client who was ready to hang up her entrepreneurial cape. Deals weren’t clicking and money was running out. “I don’t think I have it in me,” she said holding back the tears. “Maybe I’m not cut out for this.”

This happens all the time in business and in personal relationships. We have ideas about what we think will happen to make everything come together only to have a fraction come true or not at all. We try to force our outcomes and become unbalanced with expectations and future build up. As a result, our anxiety grows, we lose sleep and slowly our power begins to seep out.  In a couple of days or weeks, we feel the full impact. Our immune systems are shot, our prospects have dried up and we feel dejected.

If I could have the alarm system wired to alert you before this happens, I would. So, what do you do when you feel like all hope is lost and you want to get your mojo back?

1)      Call Someone You Trust – In this case my client scheduled an emergency laser focus session with me. Put all of it on the table and just let it sit there without trying to figure it out. Remove the stress from your body and take a look at what it really is. What is the worst-case scenario? What is the best-case scenario?

2)      Take a Shower and Get Dressed – Water is a cleanser for not just your skin, but also your soul. Give yourself that little bit of self-care and prepare yourself for your next big move.

3)      Put on Your Theme Music – Whether it’s “Spice Up Your Life” or “Shake Your Bon Bon,” get those jams pumping through your veins. You can’t be stuck in the couch cushions with Ricky Martin serenading you.

4)      Write Down 25 Things That Will Generate Money – Put the timer on your phone, grab a notepad and pen and get to writing. Nothing is too whacky or simple. Get your brain in a solution-centric pattern.

5)      Start Executing – If you need help or contacts, reach out. Start with the easiest or most impactful, but create a set list for your awesomeness.

6)      Track Your Wins – I give my clients an Awesome Shit List journal to track their successes. Whenever you start to feel the self-doubt come on, check back with your list and remind yourself how far you’ve come.

Know that people love and support you. Life will face you with challenges, but know that these are challenges you are capable of mastering and learning from. You are resilient beyond what you believe. Just know that we believe in you.

(If these feelings persist and feel like they are beyond behavioral intervention, please seek professional assistance.)

How to Gain Credibility in Your Industry

Last week I met with my fellow SocialPreneurs in Capitol Hill. This group of powerhouse women meets every other week to discuss the challenges, celebrations and stumbles of creating and managing a business from scratch. From established tech developers to the initial start up phase, our group welcomes all stages in business with only three rules. 1) Your Business Must Be Your Own 2) Show Up to Share, Support and Suggest (Not Sell) 3) Keep It Real

In the last five minutes of our discussion we hit a nerve - CREDIBILITY. Where does it come from? When do you know you've reached it? How can you get there if you're in uncharted territories.

I struggled with this big time during my first year in business. I stressed over whether people would take me seriously as a 30-something coach. I tiptoed around pricing and packages worried that people wouldn't pay for what I offered. I questioned the content I put out. Would anyone care or listen?

Thankfully, I challenged the little Gremlin inside that wanted to keep me in the land of self doubt. I had something to say and if only one person read it, that was one more than if I hadn't. After being in business full time for 15 months I can now say I feel validated and (in)credible about my credibility as a coach.

So, what did I do to get there and when did I feel the change?

1) Create Content Every Day - Write as much as you can. Record videos or conversations (with people's permission). Ask for help in editing if you aren't comfortable. Your voice and perspective is uniquely yours. Whatever you love to do in your business, highlight it and share it.  This is a big reason why I'm doing the 30 Day Blog Post Challenge. It keeps me accountable and disciplined to create. Start by making a list of topics that impact your business. Write a couple of short blogs or dive in with research. Just keep at it every day.

2) Reach Out to Industry Groups or Get a Mentor - This is critical for new business owners. Most industries will have meet up groups or if you can't find a group with your business type you can create a group or network with other business owners. You need a safe place to ask the questions that can hold you back. If you prefer one-on-one, seek out a mentor. If you prefer the interaction of a group, go with the meet ups. The single worst thing you can do as a business owner is isolate yourself. Ask for the help and offer support in return.

3) Go Back to School - Whether it's self study or a class, stay on top of current technology, trends and techniques for your industry and beyond. This could be certificates, certification, or watching YouTube tutorials. You could even blog about all the stuff you learned! If you're considering a Masters or PhD, think about the potential time and financials cost to the estimated gains. (This is a whole other blog post)

So back to my original question, when did I feel credible. Honestly, 6 weeks ago when I faced the scary thought that I my service offerings weren't in line with my value as a coach. The SocialPreneur group supported the discussion and within 15-minutes I had a clear picture. I am now being contacted by people outside of my immediate network and can confidently speak about my business to anyone I meet.

What I can say is credibility isn't about years spent or specific experiences. You'll know what you need in order to feel secure in your footing. The key is working towards those securing agents in everything you do. Don't give up. Don't look back. Don't question your progress. You've got this!

Time: Is It On Your Side?

Tick. Tock. Tick. Tock. Do you feel the pressure rising? Are your palms sweating? Do you feel like you need to be somewhere or do something? Tick. Tock. Tick. Tock.

It’s time to talk about time and your relationship with it. Are you early for everything? Do you arrive as things begin? Or is start time up for interpretation? Let’s explore how you manage your seconds, minutes, hours and days and what options you have to shift your relationship with time.

Let’s start with The Early-Arrivers

That’s me! I love getting places early and setting up while allowing for unexpected delays or detours. Those almost never happen but in case they do I’m ready for it. If I have a client session at 10:00am, I’m usually where I need to be 5-10 minutes before the start time. It almost becomes a game to see if I can get to where I need to be at an exact time.

Pros: It shows I respect your time by arriving at the agreed upon time. Clear schedules and super-efficient.

Cons: I’m probably going to judge you if you’re late or don’t share a similar belief system around time. I can feel disrespected if you don’t indicate you’re going to be late prior to the time you’re late. Also, when you don’t respect the end time of a meeting, it creates huge frustrations and annoyance. May be a bit high strung around being on time.

Next Up is The On-Time Arrivers

This group gets along pretty well with the Early Arrivers as they have a pretty good grasp on their schedule and allow for contingencies in the schedule. At times they may arrive 5 minutes late, but never more and communicate when that’s going to happen. They get to where they need to be with no wasted time sitting and waiting for the meeting to start.

Pros: Typically on time and up front about scheduling delays. Efficient with time.

Cons: Delays will undoubtedly creep up and throw them off their timing game. They may also be judging the Early Arrivers for not maximizing their time doing other important or fun things.

Finally, the Johnny-Come-Latelys

I seem to attract these in especially in relationships. They get sucked into projects or thoughts and before they know it, they’re late. They typically see the meet time as the ballpark time they should leave the house by. There is plenty of time, no need to rush. It’s all good.

Pros: Relaxed and not rushed by meeting start times. Usually creative-centric and will come up with a good laugh about why they’re late.-

Cons: The completely piss off the Early Arrivers and annoy the On-Timers. They usually don’t do well in corporate settings that value time. Their late arrival times tend to create arguments or sentiments of not caring for their partner.

So what do we do with these three profiles?

For the Early-Arrivers – Know who you’re meeting with and bring a book or something to work with if the individual is typically late. Maximize your time. If someone is chronically late, either leave later yourself or pad in the time and schedule the time earlier for the other party. The key piece: don't take it personally if someone doesn't share your affinity for second counting. It's not about you.

For the On-Timers – Add 5-10 minutes onto your travel time to keep your perfect attendance record flawless. If you have extra time, feel free to get a coffee, you deserve it!

For the Johnny-Come-Latelys – Treat start times as a deadline that you will get fired over if you don’t arrive. Put yourself in the other two profiles’ shoes. What do you think they feel about how you value the relationship by not respecting their time? How would you feel if someone was late or didn’t show up? A little objective empathy may help to light a fire under your but to salvage those critical relationships. If you are going to be late, let people know as soon as you know.

If you need help navigating your time management, schedule a complimentary 15-minute consultation.

My Top 4 Apps for Business

Over the past few months, my client base is shifting to in person meetings, which has transitioned my usual desktop operations to my iPhone. Whether I’m walking from Brookland to SW DC or sitting at a bar at soundcheck, these apps have been amazing for creating a virtual office on my phone.

Acuity Scheduler – With preloaded client contact details, I can schedule in my coaching sessions within 5 seconds. All I have to do is pick a session type (that I created during set up), select a date and time and start typing their name. If I have a conflict, it lets me know or I can create a custom appointment that overrides it. For only $10 a month, it’s saved me a ton of time and stress. The best part is it automatically syncs with your calendar, so you never have to worry about double booking.

Canva – I use this app every day. Whether I’m designing an Instagram image or creating worksheets, I love being in the driver seat of my graphic design. I am not a whiz at Photoshop or any other design program, but I do love layout and playing with color. The pre-sized templates and examples help to inspire you if you aren’t feeling like developing something from scratch. For only $120 a year, it’s like having an on-call graphic designer for pennies a day.

Quickbooks Online – No more questioning if you’re in the black. Quickbooks online version syncs your credit cards, merchant accounts and bank accounts to give you an accurate snapshot on your finances. You can create invoices, reconcile your expenses, and update payments all from your phone. It also works with the desktop version if you prefer that route while you have access to your computer. The Simple Start plan is only $10 a month and will make your accountant happy during tax season.

Slack – If you’re needing to check in with colleagues or clients, Slack is awesome for thread-based discussions. You can create separate groups or channels for specific people. If text messaging feels too messy and crowded, Slack keeps your discussion more stream lined.

I’d love to hear your must have Apps for business. Feel free to post them in the comments.

How to Give Unpleasant Feedback Without Sounding Like an A-Hole

As a strong personality from New Jersey, I’ve been known to give some “real talk” about things I don’t care for or agree with. After living in Houston for a few years, I faced the hard truth that not everyone appreciated my direct form of feedback. Whether you’re like me and feel misunderstood or find yourself jumping on the “Complain Train” I’ve got some tips and tricks for you to reframe and recondition yourself into a healthier habit.

If you were on the receiving end of a conversation with yourself giving unpleasant information, how would describe it?

Appreciated for the Honesty      

Unfortunate, but Understandable

Just the Facts, Ma’am

What is she talking about?

Am I in trouble?

Man, I feel like shit.

If anything is down line from “Unfortunate, but Understandable” we may have a little work to do. As I heard in my recent training class The Only Good Feedback is That Which is Heard. If your intended message isn’t heard, then both parties may be left feeling unsatisfied, frustrated or possibly hurt.

If You’ve Been Accused of Being Cold…

1)      Know Your Audience – Does this group/person need time to process or ask questions? Do they need more details to understand?

2)      Know Your Purpose – If the news isn’t great (company merger, new policy) do some research on the rationale behind it. It may not matter to you, but it helps when you can help people understand where things are and where they stand.

3)      Allow Time and Space – If you would only need 5 minutes to heard it, block of 20 for someone else. When we’re rushed or focusing on efficiencies, we take the human element out.

4)      Put Yourself in Their Shoes – If empathy isn’t a strong suit, imagine that your closest confidant just received this news, what do you think they would feel or need to know?

5)      Don’t Crack Jokes or Try to Make the Situation Light – Nothing is worse than when some tells an inappropriate joke or smiles when everyone else is serious. It’s a major red flag that you’re uncomfortable and potentially a bit immature. Just because you’re ready to move on from the topic, doesn’t mean everyone else is.

6)      Model the Behavior You Wish to See – Treat others with dignity, respect and kindness.

7)      Be Authentic – When you can connect with people on a real level, it provides comfort and builds trust. It’s not about tactics or processes. People want to trust who they work with. This is an opportunity for you to emerge and establish yourself as a trusted, respected and inspirational leader.

If You’ve Been Accused of Being Rude or Brash…

1)      Watch Your Tone – If you wouldn’t talk to your grandmother with that tone, you have no business using it with anyone else. The person who remains in control emotionally has the power of influence on their hand. Once you fly off the handle, you are no longer in control.

2)      Listen more than you speak – For everything you say, ask an open-ended question to get their feedback on the statement. If you are dominating the conversation, people can feel insignificant, marginalized and rejected.  

3)      Look for the Opportunity to Improve the Situation – Come with suggestions yourself and ask for other input.

4)      Bring the Other Person in for Ideas and Suggestions – This is KEY to buy in and the number one reason why people don’t stay at companies or feel included. Give them a space for their voice to be heard.

5)      LISTEN – You get the idea.

If People You’ve Been Accused of Being Insincere, Fake or Phony…

1)      Be Yourself – Stop playing the role of perfect employee or People-Pleaser Boss. No one’s buying it and people don’t trust you.

2)      Ask Yourself If You Believe What’s Coming Out of Your Mouth

3)      Ask Others for Honest Feedback

4)      Whatever You’re Trying to Hide, Expose It – Shame and fear of exposure is a huge part of Imposter Syndrome and a leading cause of disconnect in relationships. People pick up on the avoidance and attempt to cover up something and form distrust. This goes back to people-pleasing. It doesn’t work. It’s exhausting. You will burn out at some point.

I’m sure there are more than three profiles to cover on this topic, so if you have any examples, feel free to send them over and I’ll take a stab at it.

If you are one of those profiles, try any of the tips and tricks and see how they work for you.

7 Tips for Phone Interviews

Before I became a coach, I was on the other side of the phone line screening candidates.  The following tips are areas I’ve seen candidates stumble on and I don’t want to see that happen to you!

1)      Pick Up the Phone – If it’s your scheduled time, pick up the phone. Even if the number doesn’t look right, pick it up. It’s a huge red flag if you don’t show up. If it’s a telemarketer, you can quickly hang up.

2)      Be Prepared – Go through your resume and review the company and job description. Have at least three questions prepared to ask when given the opportunity.

3)      Know Your Talking Points – You will be asked some boiler plate questions – strengths, weaknesses, why you’re looking, etc. Practice your responses. Nothing is worse than “Ummmm” or “Uhhhh.”

4)      Take the Call Somewhere Quiet – A noisy coffee shop or near a construction site probably isn’t the best place. If you have a head set for your cell phone, use it.

5)      Take Your Time – Wait a second or two before responding to a question. If you need to take a deep breath on mute, do it. Your breath control is the easiest way to calm your nerves and anxiety.

6)      Ask for a Salary Range – It's better to know at the front end what the job pays. At the end of the call you’ll typically be asked if you have any questions. This is the perfect time to ask, if you don’t already know, what the salary range is. If you are asked what your requirements are, make sure you know their range first and then you can say if you are in or out of the range. Do not give them an exact number. This can be left for the negotiation table when you’re at that stage.

7)      Be Yourself – If you try to be someone else, it won’t feel natural. If it’s the right fit for you or not, you’ll know being your authentic self.

My Week of Ranting and Refunds

I don’t typically call myself a complainer. In fact, I probably let things go instead of speaking up. Maybe it’s this blog challenge or a general shift in not tolerant non-sense. Below are three examples of how I acknowledged dissatisfaction and the outcome.

1)      My Phone Bill – I always had a feeling I was overpaying, but didn’t want to have to sit on the phone for an hour trying to threaten and negotiate them down. Instead I used a new App – Hiatus. You upload your bank and credit card information and they search for your subscriptions. If something looks out of whack, they negotiate it down on your behalf. The catch – whatever they save you they charge you 50% of. After 5 days of them negotiating, my bill is now $20 a month cheaper.

2)      My Dental Visit Bill – If you follow me on Facebook you may have seen my less than stellar visit to a local dentist of a cleaning. I’m not naming names as we are currently in discussions. After being surprised with two insane charges for a basic cleaning, I decided to email the owner and provided 7 points of improvement for their facility. Sure, I could’ve paid the bill and walked away, but I felt the need for explanation. Who knows I may get a write down on the bill.

3)      1800-Flowers – Last week I ordered an arrangement for a colleague as she works remotely and wasn’t able to take part in a celebratory happy hour. After checking in throughout the day, it was clear the arrangement wasn’t going to arrive as promised. As soon as I realized this, I emailed them. They gave me a $20 credit for a future order. I wasn’t satisfied and let them know my disappointment. As a result, I received a 50% refund on the order in addition to the $20 credit.

This is my PSA for all of you out there to speak up for what you want. This isn’t meant to be malicious or hurtful to business owners, but if you feel mistreated or unfairly charged, speak up. You’d be surprised how many businesses don’t know why customers leave or are unhappy. You could actually be helping them out.

Key things when reaching out:

1)      Be clear about what went wrong. The more matter of fact the better.

2)      Take the emotion out of it. As soon as you get on the ranty train, your point gets lost in Complainerville.

3)      Be clear about what you need. If it’s a credit, reduction, etc, ask for what you need.

4)      Be prepared to walk away. If the business isn’t receptive to your needs, you don’t have to use them. At that point, I would suggest letting your network know about your experience.

Why I Won’t Be a Network Marketer Again

In my call for blog post topics, I got a suggestion to write an article about the stigma of network marketing. I’ve been resisting it for a while, but rather than skirt around my opinions and dodge the inevitable, it’s time to rip the band-aid off.

It was 2003 when I was first introduced to network marketing or back then it was referred to as an MLM or Multi Level Marketing. It was for the revamped Amway program and was called Quixtar. I was at Rutgers at the time after transferring schools when my mom’s second divorce created a necessary change in tuition spending. Money was tight and we were primefor the sale of second stream income "opportunities."

The Promise: Make money on what you're already purchasing. Don't you want your dream life to come true with all of this passive income?!

The way it worked:

1)      Shop through their store and use their special credit card (I still have it by the way) to earn income points.

2)      Recruit your friends and family to do the same.

3)      Once you hit a certain level you can collect a higher percentage of what other people purchase.

Sounds harmless. Wrong.

The products were overpriced and the weekly meet-ups turned into cult-like pump up groups to get you to recruit everyone you knew. "You’re so close to silver, gold, platinum. Who else can you talk to about this amazing opportunity??"  "Here are some business books to perfect your pitch. It's just like getting an MBA."

I had signed on hoping for a financial win fall, but only two people joined under me. I probably made $60 the whole time I was in and sure you can argue that I didn’t put the effort in. What I did put in was probably over $2,000 of my hard-earned money from buying vitamins that made me sick and coffee drinks that were double the cost of Starbucks.

This was 15 years ago and now the bar is set even higher with the onslaught of pressure from Facebook and emails from people you may have met once that have THE product that will change your life. I have bought some of the products and the jewelry is cheaply made and the clothes are over-priced compared to the Thred Up winnings I buy without commitment.

"But I Should Support My Friends"

I absolutely do. When they ask me to join their group, I politely decline and ask if they need help from a coaching perspective as most of them are struggling with their feelings around personal worth and being a visible leader. Whatever their reason for signing up, I wish them well and can support them from afar without getting drunk and purchasing $300 skin care packages that I don’t need.

I Am Not Their Ideal Client

1) I don’t wear leggings.

2) My skin is in great shape (thanks mom!).

3) I have low maintenance hair.

4) My jewelry is from 5 years ago and I'm not looking to add on.

5) I don’t overpay for anything if I can avoid it.

I love supporting my friends through the process of building their own business - not buying products that ultimately makes someone else rich off of them.

 

So is there a stigma? Absolutely.

Will there continue to be one? Most likely.

Why? Because it comes off as exploitative and inauthentic. I connect to brands with a story and heart. The products being sold have a story, but it's not the whole story. If you want more information, I would recommend this blog post: Did you know that 99% of women lose money in MLMs? Why Are They Still Signing Up?

This may be controversial and I may lose friends over it, but now you know where I stand. If you'd like to tell a different story, I encourage you to do so.

This Simple Trick Will Help You Identify the Onset of Burnout

I hear it and see it all the time – Burnout. It’s that feeling of frustration, depleted energy, checked-out behavior, and the need to escape. Sometimes we can feel it coming on within ourselves and sometimes we brush it off as something else. The following tool will help you nip the issue before it becomes full on burnout and will give you a different perspective of those around you who may be experiencing it.

Are you ready for the tool?

Still there?

On the count of 3….

1

2

3

It’s called Listening to people’s Range of Engagement in their language. It comes through in casual conversations, emails, and in meetings. Obviously if someone is telling you they’re burning out, you should probably take that seriously. But if the signs aren’t so clear, here are the four areas.

As you move from the left to right of the chart, a higher level of engagement and energy is experienced, and the chance for success is increased.

“Can’t or Won’t”

At the left side, the range of engagement is characterized by a “won’t” perspective. “I won’t” engage and I have no power to engage. Life happens to me no matter what I do or believe.

“Have To”

The next phase of engagement, “Have to” involves a short-term perspective. I “have to” complete the task in front of me or else I will experience dire consequences. People at this level of engagement tend to “muscle” their way through life, extending a great deal of effort to get through what is in front of them in order to get to that which they believe holds their success.

“Need To”

The third phase is a more powerful phase. Here an individual is aware of their choices and seeks to find opportunity in the challenges presented to them. They are able to create opportunities, but frequently distractions take them off their desired course. An individual at this level of engagement may say “If I want success, I need to do these things.” They know their success is their choice, but are not always able to integrate that into their internal belief system.

“Choose To”

The most powerful level of engagement is “Choose to.” At this level people are more fully engaged because they feel they have complete choice. They are absorbed in the enjoyment of their roles and feel a powerful connection between who they are and what they do.

Go back and listen to your own conversations or read past emails. Which area of engagement are you speaking from and where can you adapt your language to increase your engagement.

Unsure how to do this, schedule a complimentary consultation.