Episode 100: Pay Attention to Your Corners

How a trip to the salon triggered a huge life lesson.

Yesterday I decided to cut my hair for the first time. I had been resisting for a while but couldn’t endure the crunchy crinkles of my split ends. So, I made an appointment at a hair salon chain that I had gone to several times before for a trim and blow dry.

I was ready for my day of self-care.

Now this isn’t about soaking up the pampering and relishing in my new fresh do — that would be far too simple and trite.

The universe had far more in store for me.

You see, before all of this, I asked for a grand gesture for my 100th podcast episode. I didn’t want to do a fluff piece or an interview — I wanted a deep topic. I had ideas pop up, but nothing stuck, until I saw it unfolding and blowing up in my own face.

As a coach, I hear things that people hold back from everyone else in their life. They trust me with the most sensitive of topics and lean on me to help them through the process. I love my job. I am honored to do my job. But I was fooling myself.

I had convinced myself that I wasn’t affected by the heavy topics. I was meditating and working out and eating well. I thought that was enough. And then I walked into the salon.

After a thorough explanation of the services and procedures, I melted into the wash bowl where I was treated to a majestic head massage. I was like puddy in her hands.

I floated back to the chair as the shedding of inches began.

As the hair dryer began, I glanced down at the sea of hair from me and other clients. An employee dressed in all black and a hair product apron began sweeping items from the middle into a sucking contraption. Then my eye began to scan the floor and it picked up on pockets of fair individual hairs.

And then the corners…

Layers of follicles from the past, dust bunnies and debris. I was horrified at first and then the light bulb went off.

This was my brain and my body. I had been focusing on the noticeable things — my image, my diet, my stamina — and was forgetting the things in the corners — the residual emotional baggage from every client, interaction and idea. I was only sweeping at the big stuff.

Today I went in for my monthly acupuncture appointment and was beyond distraught. I felt like I had been running an emotional gauntlet and had exploded at people closest to me.

We chatted about how I could clean out my corners. Sure she could give me a treatment, but I needed a plan to process and protect my corners. So we created a ritual of protection, selection and rejection. I had the choice to engage, absorb and conclude.

My logical brain had convinced me that I was already doing this, but my inner voice knew I had been skimming the surface.

When we create and maintain a ritual or routine, it becomes natural and expected when it is consistent and clear. My ritual is about deciding how much I want to take on and in and what process I want to do to change the course of an unexpected or less than ideal situation. Essentially how do I knowingly turn on and off the coach.

Coaching is what I do, but it doesn’t have to always be who I am. I am also a reality-tv binge watching, karaoke singing, sequin-wearing, terrible dad joke telling human being.

We are all human beings doing the best we can with what we have. When we can acknowledge the things we want to hide and embrace them as our truth, we can diminish the shame and blame around the topic.

All of that energy we used to stuff things away, all of that energy spent keeping an eye on it, all of that energy scanning for signs that someone else knows, what more could we do with all of that found energy?

One week later…

I gave myself a week after writing this piece to post to test out my ritual/routine. I decided to make my routine as easy as possible. (I recently read a Harvard Business Review article on small micro goals and it really works.)

Every morning I write in my journal for 2–5 minutes reflecting on my previous day, what I’m grateful for and what my intention for the day is. I then sit in quiet reflection and meditation for 5 minutes. Then I have my coffee and get to cranking. In between coaching sessions, I’ve also started washing my hands.

Why?

It’s flu season and even if I don’t see people for their interactions, it’s a good practice to be in and there’s something about water. It cleanses and washes away the residual emotions that weren’t mine to begin with.

I’m already starting to feel the changes. I am less reactive, more present, more creative, and sillier. I recently went to a dinner that in the past has triggered anxiety, frustration and resentment. This time I enjoyed myself the entire time (2.5 hours!).

Next Steps

As you go about your day, what are 2–3 things you can do every day even in the busiest of times?

What can you do to honor yourself?

What can you do to take care of yourself?

If this is proving to be a challenge, what would your best friend suggest?

Track your progress (did you do it today?) and track your energy level(from 1–10).

Over time you’ll be able to see the truth and proof of your routine so much so that it becomes a ritual.