The Power of Effective Communication in the Workplace

Communication is a fundamental aspect of any successful organization. It plays a crucial role in fostering collaboration, building trust, and driving overall workplace success. However, despite its importance, many leaders and employees struggle with effective communication. In fact, studies have shown that a lack of effective collaboration and communication is the main cause of workplace failure for 86% of employees and executives.

So, what exactly does communication mean in the context of the workplace?

According to the standard definition, it is the process of exchanging information, ideas, thoughts, or feelings between individuals or groups. However, when it comes to effective communication, it goes beyond simply exchanging information. It involves a two-way flow of understanding and engagement.

One of the major challenges that leaders and teams face in achieving effective communication is what we call a directional challenge. In many instances, communication becomes one-way where individuals focus solely on expressing their own ideas, agendas, and desires to be heard and understood. This results in what can be described as two brick walls of agendas colliding, creating a chaotic and unproductive environment.

To overcome this directional challenge and foster effective communication, there are a few key strategies that can be implemented. The first step is to acknowledge that we are all on the same team. This mindset shift helps cultivate a sense of unity and purpose, promoting a collaborative atmosphere where communication can thrive.

A critical aspect of improving communication is getting curious about the people we are communicating with. Before entering a meeting or initiating a conversation, it is important to ask ourselves a series of questions.

1. Who is our audience?

2. What is most important to them?

3. What do we agree on?

By understanding the needs and perspective of our audience, we can shape our communication to foster understanding rather than simply pushing our own agenda.

When presenting an idea, it is essential to consider what information our audience needs to know and what support or decision we are seeking from them. By providing context, detail, and clarity, we can improve understanding and engagement. This intentional approach to communication shifts the focus from being heard to being truly understood.

On the other hand, when we are on the listening end of a conversation or in a meeting, it is important to approach it with an open mind. We should strive to find common ground by acknowledging and appreciating the 10% that we agree or appreciate about the presented ideas. It is also crucial to objectively evaluate how those ideas may impact us and how they can potentially help us.

To ensure effective communication, we should remain objective, avoiding emotional reactions or personal biases. We need to make conversations about ideas and facts, rather than allowing them to be driven by energy, emotion, or personal stories. By focusing on the shared goal of building shared understanding, we can create an environment of trust and collaboration.

Implementing these strategies can have a significant impact on the energy and collaboration within a team. Effective communication leads to improved outcomes, increased productivity, and a more positive work environment. By fostering a culture of open and effective communication, organizations can overcome the challenges they face and achieve greater success.

The power of effective communication in the workplace cannot be understated. It is a critical driver of success and plays a pivotal role in fostering collaboration and building trust. By acknowledging the directional challenge and implementing strategies to overcome it, leaders and employees can transform their communication from one-way exchanges to meaningful two-way interactions. This shift in mindset and approach can enhance understanding, improve productivity, and create a more cohesive and successful work environment.

Remember, effective communication is a skill that can be developed and honed over time. By consciously applying the strategies discussed here, individuals and organizations can overcome communication challenges and reap the benefits of clear, open, and collaborative communication.

Kickstart Your Team's New Year with 8 Ways to Create Unstoppable Motivation!

Happy New Year! As we embrace the fresh start that comes with this time of year, it's the perfect moment to reignite the spark within our teams. Forget the cliché resolutions that fizzle out by February. It's time for real, impactful strategies that will keep your team energized, engaged, and motivated throughout 2024.

1. Set Clear, Exciting Goals:

Start the year with a clear vision. Host a goal-setting session where everyone contributes. Make these goals ambitious yet achievable, something that stirs excitement. Remember, a team galvanized by a common purpose can move mountains!

2. Celebrate the Wins of the Past Year:

Reflect on the successes of the previous year, no matter how small. This isn’t just about feeling good – it's about understanding what works. Highlight individual and team achievements to boost morale and set the tone for the year ahead.

3. Cultivate a Culture of Growth and Learning:

Encourage your team to embrace new skills and challenges in 2024. Whether it’s workshops, courses, or cross-departmental projects, fresh learning opportunities keep the brain engaged and the work exciting.

4. Open the Floor for Feedback:

Create an environment where feedback flows freely and constructively. Start the year by asking your team what they need from you to succeed and listen genuinely. This two-way street of communication builds trust and a sense of shared purpose.

5. Recognize and Reward Efforts:

Regularly acknowledge the hard work and accomplishments of your team. Whether it’s a shout-out in a meeting or a small token of appreciation, recognition goes a long way in keeping morale high.

6. Foster a Sense of Belonging:

Team-building activities aren’t just for fun; they’re vital for creating a sense of belonging and camaraderie. Plan regular activities throughout the year that bring everyone together in a relaxed, social setting.

7. Maintain a Positive Atmosphere:

Your attitude as a leader sets the tone. Maintain a positive, solution-focused mindset. When challenges arise, frame them as opportunities for growth and innovation.

8. Encourage Life Outside of Work:

Show your team that you value their well-being. Encourage them to take their vacations, respect their off-hours, and promote a healthy work-life balance.

Let's step into this new year with a game plan that not only motivates but sustains that enthusiasm throughout the year. Here's to a 2024 filled with achievements, growth, and a team that’s more motivated and unified than ever!

The Counter Resolution: Embracing What Already Works for You

At the end of the year, we put out a short newsletter about The Counter Resolution and got several requests to expand on the idea. So here you go!

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As we step into a new chapter, the air is rife with resolutions and promises of change. But here's a twist for you – instead of the traditional New Year's resolutions, let's talk about the Counter Resolution. It's about focusing on what's already ticking in your life, the small yet significant actions that are making a difference. It’s about doubling down on these actions.

Doubling Down: What Does It Mean?

Doubling down means taking something that's already working for you and amplifying it. For instance, taking a moment to breathe before diving into your digital world or stepping away from the screen when stress beckons. It's about recognizing those lunchtime walks or moments of gratitude that add a sparkle to your day. These are not just routines; they are your stepping stones to greater success and well-being.

The Power of Positive Focus

Statistics and studies have long shown the power of positive focus. A study by the University of California found that people who focused on positive experiences had greater life satisfaction and fewer health complaints. It's about creating an imprint of positivity in our lives.

How to Identify and Amplify What Works

1. Recognition and Reflection: Start by recognizing what's working. Perhaps you've been more mindful of your health, or you've managed to balance work and personal life better. Acknowledge these changes, no matter how small.

2. Document Your Successes: Writing down these positive aspects can be incredibly powerful. A Harvard Business Review study suggests that people who jot down their successes feel more confident and capable.

3. Increase Intensity and Intention: Once you've identified what's working, think about how you can do more of it. If a short walk helps clear your mind, consider extending it. If expressing gratitude makes you happy, try doing it more often.

4. Utilize the 90-Day Reflection Technique: Look back at the last 90 days and note your wins. What did you do to achieve them? Get detailed – the specifics will guide your path forward.

Case Studies: Doubling Down in Action

• Corporate Success Story: A report by Deloitte highlighted a company that focused on their employees' strengths, leading to a 14% increase in productivity and a 20% increase in sales.

• A Personal Growth Tale: Consider one of our clients, we’ll call her “Jane”. Jane is a marketing executive who decided to increase her morning meditation from 5 to 10 minutes. Not only did she report feeling more focused, but she also noticed a 30% rise in her work output.

Conclusion: Your Secret Magic Sauce

By doubling down on what's working, you're not just maintaining the status quo; you're elevating it. It's about harnessing your unique strengths and practices that contribute to your success. In a world fixated on fixing what's broken, let's shift our gaze to what's flourishing and make it thrive even more. Remember, it's the little things that often make the biggest difference. Here’s to making the most of what’s already making your life better!

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7 Key Skills for Good Managers

The 7 Skills Every Good Manager Needs to Now and in the Future

70% of an employee's experience is directly related to their immediate manager, making good management skills crucial for employee retention and turnover. In this article, we will discuss the seven key skills that make a good manager and provide strategies for developing and refining these skills.

1. Relationship Building

Good managers excel in creating bonds of trust with the people they work with and understand the importance of maintaining strong relationships. To develop this skill, managers should focus on active listening, empathy, and effective communication. Building trust requires consistency, reliability, and being transparent with team members.

2. Developing People

A good manager recognizes the potential in their team members and knows how to co-create visions and plans to support their skills development and provide new opportunities for growth. This requires a deep understanding of individual strengths and areas of improvement. Managers can mentor and coach their team members to help them reach their full potential.

3. Responding to Change

Change is inevitable in any organization, and good managers are adept at assessing the situation and remaining curious amidst change. They don't react impulsively, but instead look for options and opportunities, rather than viewing everything as a problem to solve. They encourage their team to embrace change and adapt to new challenges.

4. Motivating and Inspiring Others

Effective managers take the time to understand their team members' motivation drivers and tailor their communication style to resonate with them. They inspire and motivate their team by setting clear goals, recognizing achievements, and providing support whenever needed. A good manager understands the importance of keeping their team engaged and motivated to achieve success.

5. Critical Thinking

Good managers go beyond surface-level thinking and engage in critical thinking to assess situations from different angles. They challenge assumptions, seek more information, and question existing processes or outdated thinking. By doing so, they can identify areas that need improvement and guide their team towards a better future.

6. Clear Communication

Clear communication is vital for effective management. Good managers leverage curiosity, clarification, and verification to ensure everyone is on the same page. They ask open-ended or clarifying questions to avoid ambiguity and push back on assumptions. Additionally, they ensure that all necessary parties are included in relevant discussions to foster collaboration and alignment.

7. Creating Accountability

Good managers hold themselves accountable and model that behavior to their team members. Instead of micromanaging, they create shared agreements based on the expectations of each employee's role. This approach fosters a high-trust and high-respect dynamic within the team. Managers should empower their team to take responsibility for their work and provide support when needed.

Now that we have discussed the key skills of a good manager, let's explore strategies for developing and refining these skills.

1. Read Leadership Books: Start by reading books on leadership, management, and personal development. These books provide insights and practical advice to enhance your management skills. (Also be sure to apply critical thinking when determining which skills and opinions you’d like to absorb as your own)

2. Surround Yourself with Empowering Leaders:Surround yourself with individuals who embody the energy and presence you admire in a leader. Observe their behaviors and learn from their experiences. If you don't have such individuals in your current circle, consider working with a coach, joining a leadership development group, or finding a mentor or advisor.

3. Seek Direct and Constructive Feedback: To identify your gaps and blind spots as a manager, it's crucial to be in an environment that provides direct and constructive feedback. Regularly seek feedback from your team members, peers, and superiors. Actively listen to their suggestions and implement necessary adjustments.

4. Continually Learn and Grow: Embrace a growth mindset and be open to learning new management strategies and techniques. Attend seminars, workshops, or conferences related to leadership and management. Engage in ongoing professional development to stay up-to-date with the latest trends and best practices.

5. Mentor and Coach Your Team: As a manager, invest time in mentoring and coaching your team members. Help them identify their goals, provide guidance, and offer opportunities for growth. Encourage them to develop their own leadership skills by delegating responsibilities and empowering them to make decisions.

Being a good manager requires a diverse set of skills. By focusing on relationship building, developing people, responding to change, motivating and inspiring others, critical thinking, clear communication, and creating accountability, managers can effectively lead their teams and drive organizational success. Furthermore, by continuously developing and refining these skills through reading, seeking feedback, surrounding oneself with empowering leaders, and embracing ongoing learning, managers can excel in their roles and create a positive work environment.

My Rant About Venting (and what you can do about it)

Are you someone who loves to vent?

Do you find it satisfying to unload all your frustrations and complaints onto someone else?

While it may feel good in the moment, constantly venting can have negative consequences on your relationships and overall well-being.

We’re discussing the addictive nature of venting and provides strategies for expressing your frustrations in a more constructive and effective way.

Venting, or expressing your frustrations and complaints, is a common practice for many people. It feels good to let off steam and have someone listen to your problems. However, constantly venting can create a negative spiral of emotions and prevent you from finding solutions to your problems.

One of the key insights shared in the podcast episode is the addictive nature of venting. As humans, we are social animals wired to seek connection and community. When we feel bad, we often want others to feel bad too, even if it's unconsciously. By venting, we invite others to join in our negative experience, increasing our emotional charge and creating a shared sense of frustration. However, this can be detrimental to our relationships and personal well-being in the long run.

If you find yourself constantly venting, it's essential to pause and reflect on the purpose and impact of your venting. Are you seeking genuine understanding and support, or are you simply looking for confirmation and validation of your negative emotions? Understanding your motivations can help you navigate your venting tendencies more effectively.

One method recommended by Lauren LeMunyan to manage venting is to create a safe space for yourself to process your frustrations. She suggests using a spiral-bound notebook to objectively collect the facts of the situation that led to your frustration. By separating your emotional storytelling from the facts, you can gain a clearer perspective and have a foundation for finding solutions.

Additionally, it's crucial to understand how you want to feel about the situation and what you want to achieve. Instead of focusing on what you don't want to feel, reframe your thoughts and identify positive emotions and outcomes you desire, such as feeling at peace, empowered, or clear. This shift in mindset can guide you towards finding constructive ways to address the situation and prevent repetitive cycles of venting.

If you've been a chronic venter, it might be time to make new commitments and acknowledge the impact of your venting on others. Lauren suggests apologizing to the people you have vented to in the past and committing to not venting in the future. Taking responsibility for your actions and demonstrating your commitment to change can increase your respect and credibility within your personal and professional relationships.

On the other side of the equation, if someone starts venting to you, it's essential to establish boundaries and maintain a balanced perspective. While it's crucial to acknowledge and validate the other person's frustrations, you should also encourage them to move towards finding solutions. Lauren recommends summarizing the situation objectively and asking the venting person what they need from you. By directing the conversation towards productive actions, you can help them convert their venting into problem-solving.

Ultimately, the key takeaway is the importance of self-awareness, self-regulation, and effective communication when it comes to venting. By creating a safe space for yourself to process frustrations, reframing your mindset, and making commitments to change, you can break free from the cycle of constant venting. Similarly, by setting boundaries and focusing on solutions when someone vents to you, you can encourage a more constructive dialogue and maintain your own emotional well-being.

Venting can feel satisfying in the moment, but constant venting can have negative consequences on your relationships and personal well-being. Instead of indulging in venting, it's crucial to find healthy ways to express your frustrations and seek solutions. By creating a safe space for yourself to process emotions, reframing your thoughts, and committing to change, you can break free from the cycle of venting and foster healthier relationships with others. Remember, effective communication and self-awareness are the keys to expressing your frustrations in a way that leads to positive outcomes and personal growth.

Flex Your Truscle: The Key to Empowering Success as a Leader

Trust is essential for leaders, it's the glue that holds the whole team together. When your team members trust you as their leader, they feel more connected and committed. It helps people get on the same page and make the magic happen. With trust you get better collaboration, more open communication, and people are more motivated to give their best. Trust, along with Psychological Safety, are the two necessary elements to build a solid foundation for teams and organizations to innovate, collaborate and accelerate.  

But trust doesn't just arrive in your inbox, it takes intentional and consistent effort. You don't get in shape at the gym in one day, but just like your biceps need reps to get stronger, so does your Trust Muscle, or what we call your Truscles.

Here are 7 Things You Can Do as a Leader to Flex your Truscles

1. Embrace Self-Awareness

The foundation of building self-trust as a leader starts with self-awareness. Exploring your strengths, weaknesses, and values will help you identify gaps and blind spots, celebrate your efforts, and build credibility with your team. Self-Awareness begins with quiet reflection, where you can curiously evaluate and reassess past situations through a learning lens. You can also engage in introspection by soliciting peer feedback and filtering what is for you to learn and grow from. As a self-aware leader, you are setting an example for others and demonstrating the importance of continuous growth and learning.

2. Set Clear Goals and Keep Your Word

Only 3% of the population has goals, and only 1% of them write them down. By writing down your goals, you are 42% more likely to achieve them. As a leader, having a clear vision and well-defined goals doesn't just benefit you, but it gives your team a secure space to operate in. The more specific you are in your goals, the better you can plan for success. Once your goals and plans are clear, you are more equipped to keep your word with yourself, which is the most effective way to build trust within yourself. 

3. Transparency and Open Communication

Transparency is a powerful tool for building trust in any relationship, including leadership roles. Be open and honest with your team, sharing relevant information and insights. Have the necessary conversations that can help create pathways forward. Transparent communication fosters a sense of inclusion and helps team members feel valued and trusted. If faced with challenges or mistakes, don't shy away from admitting them. Your vulnerability will humanize you as a leader and reinforce the trust your team has in you.

4. Delegate and Empower Others

Leadership is not about micromanagement; it's about trusting your team to excel. Delegate tasks to individuals based on their strengths and provide them with the autonomy to accomplish their goals. Empowering your team members cultivates a sense of ownership and accountability. When you show confidence in their abilities, they will reciprocate that trust and work diligently to meet expectations.

5. Learn from Failures

Failures are inevitable in any leadership journey. What sets a great leader apart is their ability to embrace failure as an opportunity for growth. When things go awry, take responsibility, analyze what went wrong, and learn from the experience. Demonstrating resilience and adaptability in the face of setbacks will bolster your credibility as a leader, showing your team that you can navigate through challenges and emerge stronger.

6. Build Positive Relationships

Trust in leadership is inherently tied to the relationships you foster with your team. Be approachable and invest time in getting to know your team members as individuals. Listen actively to their concerns, ideas, and aspirations. By building positive relationships, you create a supportive and collaborative environment where trust can flourish naturally.

7. Acknowledge and Celebrate Success

Recognize and celebrate achievements and effort for yourself and your team. Expressing gratitude and acknowledging hard work reinforces positive behavior and motivates your team. Where your focus goes is where your energy grows. Celebrating success together enhances team cohesion and builds a sense of camaraderie, which further strengthens the bond of trust.

The more you use your Truscles, the stronger your trust bond will be. Every day is your opportunity to build trust in yourself and those around you. The more intentional and committed you are, the more successful you will be. So get out there and flex those Truscles!

Need support in building trust with your team, we’re here to help! Book a complimentary consultation and learn what Spitfire Coach can do for you and your team.

Does Your Company Have a “Staff Infection”?

How to Address Problematic Employees and the Impact on Workplace Culture 

First let me state for the record, that I did not come up with the term “Staff Infection.” My amazing client mentioned it during our session in describing the infectious energy and deterioration of standards, morale and motivation from one or two employees. 

What a perfect way to describe the impacts of mis-fit employees and cultures! This infection does not clear up on its own and if ignored it will only flare up and show more damaging symptoms.

Before we dive into the costs, impacts and what you can do about it, let us first be clear that employees are not “toxic”. That label is damaging and does not provide a way forward to be anything but what they’ve been assigned. Instead, we like to use problematic, misaligned, or mis-fit to describe a situation where expectations, roles, and/deliver is not in flow.

In all companies employees contribute to workplace culture and overall productivity. Their effect, whether positive or negative, ripples like in a pond and can extend far beyond their immediate sphere,impacting team dynamics and employee morale. 

The 5:1 Ratio

Did you know that for every negative experience a person encounters, they need five positive experiences to balance out. In areas of high conflict, that ratio increases to 12. So imagine the amount of negative ripples and how they can in turn compound into additional negative experiences.

While it's easy to overlook or understate their impact, the costs of not addressing these issues can be substantial. Let's dive into the effects of problematic employees, the costs of inaction, and the steps managers can take to mitigate these issues.

Costs and Statistics:

According to a study by the Society for Human Resource Management (SHRM), the cost of a bad hire can go up to five times the bad hire's annual salary. So if an employee has a $100,000 salary, you now have a $500,000 problem. This cost arises from various factors such as decreased productivity, overworking of other employees, and potentially, recruitment and training costs to replace those who leave due to the toxic environment.

Moreover, a survey conducted by Cornerstone OnDemand found that good employees are 54% more likely to quit when they work with a toxic employee. This indicates that the presence of problematic employees not only decreases productivity but can also lead to an exodus of valuable employees. And the cost to replace those employees can range from 50-250% of their salary!

Now that we’re aware of how expensive and damaging this issue is, here’s what you can do about it.

Five Steps Managers Should Take:

1. Identify it Early:
   Spotting signs of problematic behavior early on is crucial. Managers should be observant of their team dynamics and be vigilant of any potential disruptors. This includes consistently late submissions, disregard for company rules, or patterns of negative interactions. We believe in micro-conversations that provide immediate insight and information on progress and competence.

2. Clear Communication:
   Open dialogue about the issue at hand is essential. Managers should have a private, candid conversation with the employee, providing clear examples of the concerning behavior and its impact on the team. Remember: Ambiguity is a clear sign of avoidance. If something doesn’t feel clear, follow up with curious questions, ask for specific examples, and have the employee create clear next steps.

3. Set Expectations and Follow Up:
   Once the issue has been discussed, managers should ask the employee to define the expected changes in behavior and set up a cadence to follow up. This is against status quo leadership advice as it requires the employee to take ownership of their behavior change rather than the manager following up and babysitting.  

4. Involve HR and Document Everything:
   If behavior doesn't improve, it's essential to involve Human Resources for their expertise and to ensure procedural correctness. Documenting all communications and actions related to the problematic behavior is also vital in case of potential disputes or legal implications.

5. Consider Termination:
   If there is not a clear way forward with the employee and your organization,, termination might be the best option for the overall health of the team. This decision should be made in consultation with HR and should always be the last resort.

Problematic employees pose a significant challenge to workplace culture and productivity. The costs of overlooking their impact can be high, affecting not just team morale but also the bottom line. However, through early identification, clear communication, setting expectations, involving HR, and, if necessary, termination, managers can mitigate these issues and work towards maintaining a healthy, productive workplace environment. Remember, the goal is to foster a culture where all employees can thrive.

At Spitfire Coach we work with all levels of organizations to provide a way forward into creating a psychologically safe environment that inspires and supports positive disruption and innovation.

If this topic resonated with you, we’d love to help. Schedule a time here and we’ll walk you through our process. 

How to Lead Leaders: 10 Tips to Elevate High Achievers

10 Tips for Leading Leaders While Keeping Your Sanity and Energy

As a manager, supervisor or lead of leads, you may have felt challenged to influence and guide your team. Here are 10 tips you can use to support your leaders:

1. Know your role

As a leader of leaders, you are in a unique position, one that needs to create guardrails rather than boxes. You are the point person for concerns and big picture questions, but your role isn’t to always have the answers. Rather, your role is to open options and help leaders navigate tricky waters. So before you approach your leaders, get clear on how you will work together and what your role is.

2. Recognize them as top leaders

As a leader, they have proven themselves to be effective in their role and have years of experience. With this comes a level of trust, respect and agency. Make it clear what responsibility they hold by serving in their role. 

3. Macro-manage

We’ve all heard about micro-managing, where you get into the weeds on minutea details. In macro-managing, you’re looking at key milestones and deliverables and looking at trends that are adding to success or stopping progress in its tracks. Macromanagement looks at consistent snapshots over time to ask curious questions for insights and recommendations. In this way it’s more about what you’re noticing v. a specific and personal criticism on the individual.

4. Empower them to choose

The highest form of engagement is choice. Instead of delegating tasks and projects to leaders on your team, open the door for them to decide which projects would be a best fit and when they expect to complete them. You can offer suggestions by planting seeds about past successes related to similar projects or offer a stretch goal to inspire them. Once assigned, give the leader the controls on the approach and strategy for completion. It’s your role to help them increase awareness and navigation around potential friction points and roadblocks. 

5. Highlight their strengths

Where our focus goes is where our energy grows. Imagine what strength you’d like to leverage in your leaders and incorporate that into your discussions and feedback. For example: I see one of your strengths being around building consensus and I wonder how you could leverage that strength to move this part of the project forward? 

6. Get curious and get clarification

In this would of ambiguous corporate speak, it’s more important now to get curious about what someone actually means. Without it, we are running on assumptions. So if someone says, “We’re making this item a priority,” what does that actually mean? You can then respond with, “I appreciate you making it a priority, when do you expect this to be completed?” In this response we are validating what they’re saying and also asking for a specific “when.” Without specific information, we have a lot of gray areas, which further creates frustration, miscommunication and missed deadlines.

7. Create shared accountability

As you work with other leaders, it is important to ask how they want to work with you and how they want to be held accountable. What that means is that they give you permission to respond when things aren’t going as planned or when you notice a trend emerging. It’s also important to reciprocate the same sentiment for when you may not be keeping up with your commitments. 

8. Model the behavior you want to see

It is imperative that your expectations for others is what you embody yourself. If you want your team of leaders to collaborate and be open, guess what you need to be? If you want people to speak with respect, guess what you need to speak with? This is what we call alignment - when your inner thoughts and feelings match your outer expression. 

9. Give fast and objective feedback

When you see something, say something… unless you are emotionally charged. If you are using absolute language (never, always, every time), you are in a reactive state. In this case separate the story from the facts and only deliver the facts. And remember feedback should only be given when the other person feels safe and has given you permission.

10. Share your knowledge (when requested)

You are in this position for a reason, you have demonstrated expertise and the experience to do so. But just because you’re in this position doesn’t mean your way is the only way. Instead when in discussions with your team, ask for permission to offer up a suggestion based on your past knowledge. This could sound like… “So this reminds me of a past experience working with a similar technology, if this would be helpful I’d be happy to share.” By asking for permission, we are building lines of trust v. a separation in hierarchy.

The 10 Reasons You SHOULDN'T Become a Manager

In today's video, we're going to get a little real. These are the ten reasons why you shouldn't be a manager. There seems to be this push for everyone to want to move up, to climb that corporate ladder, to advance in their career. But maybe being a manager isn't quite right for you. Press play to find out what I mean.

The 10 Reasons You Shouldn’t Become a Manager

You shouldn’t become a manager if you answer “yes” to four or more of the following reasons:

1) You don't like working with people
2) You don't respect your colleagues
3) You avoid hard conversations
4) You don't want to learn or grow
5) You don't want to be successful for other people's growth or success
6) You don't want to have to communicate - people should just know what to do
7) You see it as a necessary step in your career path, but really don't want to do it
8) Only for the money
9) You don't want to think big picture or have a strategy
10) Don't like holding yourself or others accountable

How many did you check off?

The 10 Reasons Why You Should Become a Manager

Wondering if you should take the next step to become a manager? Here are ten reasons why you should become a manager. Watch the full video or review the full list below.

The 10 Reasons You Should Become a Manager

1) You care about outcomes and positive results

2) You like people and want to play a role in their success and development

3) You love learning and growing

4) You're a good listener

5) You see potential in others

6) You trust your colleagues and feel like they trust you

7) You're a good communicator both verbally and in writing

8) You're okay not being liked

9) You have a mastered relevant technical skill

10) You're the best option

Go through the list. How many describe you?

If you got 7 or more, you should absolutely become a manager.

If you got less than 7, this is an opportunity for awareness to work on areas of growth.

Want to equip yourself to become a better manager? Let’s chat!

Are You a Middle Man Mediator? How to Stop Getting in the Middle of People’s Drama

(Originally posted November 8, 2017, Updated March 6, 2022)

Are You Stuck in The Middle Again?

Are you the person everyone comes to when they have a problem? Are your texts, emails and Facebook messages filled with “I can’t believe she did that?” “Who do they think they are?” etc?

You may just be a Middle Man Mediator. People know you as having a great ear and being open to hear about all of their problems. You’re patient and understanding. You offer advice as they nod along before they launch into another rant. It feels good to help people in their time of need.

You feel needed and necessary to others, but then you hit your limit. You get tired of people’s nonsense. It never stops. They don’t take your advice and they sure as hell aren’t resolving their problems. You become their drama dumping ground and the pile keeps mounting.

Worse than that what if you mediation turns into you becoming Shit Stirrer, Drama Darling or Gossip Guru?

You get brought into the drama because your piece of advice was used as ammunition in the conflict. Suddenly you’re the target and in the muck of it. As you sludge around you ask yourself “How did I get here? I was just trying to help.”

Sound familiar? Fear not. I have the solution for you. This is not going to be easy, but I promise you it’s effective when implemented consistently and assertively.

Someone enters your space, inbox, Zoom room or phone line and you can see and or hear it in their tone that they are stressed out.

STEP ONE: Take a Deep Breath. The difference between anxiety and excitement are connect to your breath and what hormones get released. Keep on breathing!

STEP TWO: Decide What Energy They’re Leading With. Are they stressed, frustrated, hopeful, rational?

STEP 3: Stay Neutral. This is super hard, but if you want to be a solid resource, you need to take yourself and your opinions out of it.

STEP 4: Acknowledge and Validate. “It sounds like this event really upset you. It makes sense you would feel this way.”

STEP 5: Assess the Situation. Has the mood changed? Is the other person opening up or still firing off and venting.

STEP 6: Check Your Energy. How are you feeling? Has your energy dipped? Where do you feel it in your body? Do you want to invest anymore time or energy in this exchange?

If you want to disengage, here is an example of how to move away. “It sounds like you’re pretty upset and need to vent. As your friend I want to help you through this. How can I support you?”

Typically people will say that they want to vent or they need a hug or just someone to listen. That’s your opportunity to transition. But there also may be a strong stuck energy that doesn’t want to move. In that case, there is nothing you can say or do to resolve the situation and it will suck the life out of you if you try.

If the negativity continues, “I hear that you’re upset and I really want to help you. But I don’t know how to do that. I’m working on some cool stuff that I think might be helpful for you when you’re ready.”

Be prepared for this person to unleash on you. When the fight comes out, it will try to take everything down around it. Your job is to hold your line.

STEP 7: Make a Decision for You.

What is your role and responsibility with this person? Where have you creeped out of your scope of responsibility? Where are you giving away your power? Do you want to end the conversation or transition to a new topic.

STEP 8: Exit Strategy.

Whatever you need to do or say to feel safe and in control, do what you need to do. It may mean ending the conversation abruptly with a manufactured incoming request or an honest “I don’t feel comfortable talking about this topic.” or “It doesn’t sound like you want resolution around this and I don’t want to partake in gossip.”

This may seem extremely harsh, but think about the impacts of the emotional garbage you take on from other people. It comes down to you and how you want to be treated. The great news is it’s all up to you! Here are a couple of questions to help you sift through your decision:

What would your life feel like if you didn’t have to take it on?

What do you get out of it by taking it on other people’s emotional baggage? 

What value does it serve for you?

Need more help navigating conflict with your team members or colleagues?

Check out this replay of “From Referee to Coach: How to Lead Your Feuding Team to the Finish Line”

Rethinking The Frequency of Feedback

Feedback is crucial for maximizing employee performance and engagement, but many managers have categorized it as another dreaded "F word." We know that feedback is important to employees' success. Employees who rate their manager's feedback as "meaningful and useful," in the words of Gallup's research are more than four times as likely to be engaged in their jobs.

Those who strongly agree they received meaningful and useful feedback in the past week are almost two times more likely to get a promotion or a raise within the next 12 months. What's more, when managers get high-quality feedback on what they do well from their employees, team members report being happier with benefits such as salary increases.

In addition to benefits felt by managers and workers alike, data indicates that giving effective performance reviews also benefits companies. When employees rate their manager's feedback as highly effective, the company sees increased productivity, quality rates, and customer satisfaction.

But how do we make feedback less painful and more useful?

We as humans often look for a quick fix and this is where fast feedback can make match words with actions and bridge the gaps between performance reviews while having ongoing conversations about development.

Fast feedback is regular, timely, and specific. It relies on useful data (not storytelling and assumptions) on what people are doing well or could do better—ideally within minutes or hours of engaging in the behavior. Remember the signs in airports and metro stations: If you see something, say something. This goes for both recognition and correction.

According to Gallup, the benefits for teams and organizations are significant:

• Supports agility: Fast Feedback energizes employees and enables teams to make real-time, on-the-fly performance adjustments that create a competitive edge.

• Inspires excellence: Employees believe they are more motivated to do outstanding work when their manager provides daily (vs. annual) feedback. (3.6 times more likely to strongly agree)

• Retains talent: Employees today want purpose-driven work and a manager who acknowledges and accelerates their progress. Fast feedback creates an ongoing process of continuous coaching while also improving morale by highlighting quality work before it goes unrecognized.

• Recognizes and appreciates efforts: Fast feedback creates opportunities for managers and contributors to positively influence the workplace culture by showing employees that they value their work - not just the finished product, but the entire process.

This type of feedback is different from a traditional, formal review—and more similar to the dialogue between great sports coaches and players on the court or on the bench during a game.

At its core, fast feedback uses tools that capture data in real-time, so managers can monitor their direct reports' activities as they happen and provide input when necessary. Depending on what people are doing, this can include a simple thumbs up for excellent work or recommendations about how to improve gaps and blind spots.

If you've ever felt the pain at the end of a review cycle, fast feedback can help you offload the fear. By giving clear, data-centric immediate feedback, there is no question or assumptions made about someone's performance or stance in the organization. Imagine lifting the veil of annual performance reviews and cloaked rating systems. How much better do you think your teams would be performing if they knew how they were doing in real-time?

Of course, it may not always be possible for managers to offer fast feedback in every situation like annual planning or a financial close, which may require longer feedback loops. That said, there are likely countless other times when managers can offer quick replies that give their employees an immediate sense of validation. If your company doesn't yet use this type of constant coaching, try incorporating it into your manager's toolkit and plant some seeds for positive change.

Professional Development: Where Can I Get the Most Return on My Investment

Personal and professional development is essential to the growth of your business, but it can be difficult to determine what should be prioritized for employee development. It's often difficult to justify the financial expense that goes into developing employees, so it helps to understand why you should invest in growth.

Here are three reasons why your organization should be focusing on personal and professional growth:

1. You'll Obtain Better Talent

A strong learning culture led to 30-50% high retention rates in companies. (Robert Half)

Employee development is an investment in future growth for your business. Having an employee who is constantly learning and growing will provide a more valuable contribution to your company than a seasoned worker who remains stagnant. By investing in growth, you will attract higher-quality talent because prospective employees will realize the importance of growth within your business model. This high-quality workforce can make a big difference in company culture and production value going forward, which leads us to...

2. You'll Have A More Inclusive Workplace Culture

43% of surveyed employees claim corporate culture was the main reason for their search for a new job. (Hays)

Culture is formed when behaviors are done over and over again by a group. When you are intentionally and deliberately investing in your team's development, you signal that they are important, necessary, and integral. As your team grows, those investments pay out dividends by creating an inclusive culture for all employees. As your employees continue to grow, the organization should grow along with them, creating a workplace culture that fosters innovation, collaboration, and future vision.

3. Your Customers Will Feel The Positive Effects

As the work environment nurtures employees, customers will also feel the positive pacts with higher quality products and services that speak directly to their needs. When employees have more opportunities to sharpen their skills and abilities, they are more likely to apply those insights and efficiencies into their daily work. The growth of your workforce will directly correlate to the growth of your business as long as you are providing development tools for each employee along the way! Remember that these benefits are only attainable if you provide growth opportunities for your employees.

Here are four growth opportunities that can help you invest in your team's professional development:

1. On-Demand Learning Platforms

There are numerous online learning platforms that provide cost-effective tools to develop individual skill sets such as Udemy, Skillshare, and Coursera. Let's say you have an employee who wants to perfect their project management skills. Imagine if that employee communicated it with their manager and there was a free-to-the-employee option provided by the organization and allocated time within the workday to research options and learn.

If you don't make the time for your employees to learn and grow, they will start looking for other organizations that support their development.

2. Books / ERGs / Seminars

Encourage growth by giving each employee assigned books/tasks/seminars relevant to their skill set every month. Create and support learning pods and study groups Doing so isn't costly and encourages growth, creating a cohesive workplace culture throughout your organization. Switch it up by alternating who leads the group each month and don't forget to reward the efforts of the group with more public recognition upon completion. Many larger firms have ERGs (Employee Resource Groups) that are employee-run and company-supported. There's no reason why the size of the company should matter if the intention is the same - to support, educate and empower engaged employees!

3. Networking Opportunities

Networking opportunities allow your employees to learn from their peers within your organization, industry, and beyond. The pandemic has made it tricky to meet face-to-face, but with some intentional and deliberate introductions, employees are better able to expand their networks and share experiences with other growth-oriented professionals. Associations and professional networking groups are great for employees who want to put themselves out there. LunchClub is also a great free option to connect with specific industries and interests. You also have a Roladex of contacts that with some curious questions, you could better able match with inquisitive team members.

4. Group and Individual Coaching

We are definitely biased by the power of coaching. Employees at one of our longest-standing global clients rate coaching as the top employee benefit at the company. Coaching works on a deeper level to unlock the unique talents, experiences, and expertise of each employee to build confidence, expand leadership presence and problem solve in a crisis.

According to the International Coaching Federation (ICF), 80% of people who receive coaching report increased self-confidence, and over 70% improved work performance, relationships, and more effective communication skills.

Coaching is definitely a financial investment for the organization, but the numbers don't lie. In multiple studies, The International Coach Federation (ICF) has shown that coaching usually generates an ROI of between $4 and $8 for every dollar invested.

Investments in employee growth should not be limited to those in leadership positions; rather, all employees across the company should be encouraged to participate in learning opportunities through ongoing personal and professional development training or by taking advantage of growth opportunities associated with company goals and initiatives.

When it comes down to it, growth has multiple benefits. It is not just important for your employees but is also crucial for your business' success! Grow your team today with personal and professional development growth strategies!

Contact us today to design your team’s Professional Development Strategy.

5 Things You Can Do Right Now to Be a Better People Manager

It doesn't matter if you have the title.

It doesn't matter if you have assumed the role.

You have the opportunity to be a better leader in every moment of interaction. 

What is a leader?

A leader is a person who has influence. 

A leader is someone who shifts the energy of the group.

Guess what, the leader can affect the group, and the group can affect the individual. 

Now that can be in good ways. You can have inspiration and motivation and all those creative vibes.

Or it can draw the energy down. 

Have you ever been in a meeting, and someone yucks on your yum? 

Here's how we can positively influence a group. 

Number one, check yourself before you wreck yourself. 

Meaning before you step into a meeting, do a nice little body scan. 

Are you holding on to stress? Do you have any resentment? Are you full of bias? 

If you're not clear, get a piece of paper. What are you bringing in? 

Have you just had an argument with someone? Did you read a frustrating email? Are you worried about how to make a decision? 

Get it out of your head. 

Number two, what are your intentions in meeting with people? 

Do you want to learn things? Do you want to get clarification? Do you want to brainstorm an idea share? Do you want to alter behaviors? 

If you aren't clear, you're coming in with assumptions.

If you don't have an agenda for your meeting, go ahead and do that. 

What are one, two, or three things that you want to accomplish in this interaction? 

This is going to help you create a framework and an outline of how you move things forward. 

I want you to think about how do you want to feel at the end of the interaction. 

So as you're clicking out of your Zoom Room, as you are exiting your email exchange, as you're ending a phone call, how do you want to feel? 

I want to feel at peace. 

I want to feel like this person and I have some trust built. We're coming together. We have trust, yay. 

But if you're not clear about how you want to feel, this is an opportunity to further define that. That's right, we're going to get more specific because once we know where our target is, we can reverse engineer it. 

I'm not gonna do the Roger Rabbit because I have neighbors below me. 

Here is the sprinkle sauce. I want you to take yourself out of it. 

It ain't about you.

Advice, I could do a whole series on advice-giving. 

Stop it! Please stop giving advice. 

It's like leaving a flaming bag of dog poo at someone's door, and they'd be like pika to prison is nice. It's the worst! 

If it is unsolicited, people didn't ask for it. And therefore, it's not going to be received as a gift. 

It's going to be received as a judgment, as a comparison, as criticism. 

You know you've gotten it before. 

So can we please stop? Thank you. 

We're not giving advice. We are not laying our stuff and our story and our assumptions on other people. 

What we're doing is creating space for other people to step in, meet us where they are, have inclusivity, and allow people to emerge as themselves. 

What we're going to do is be curious. We're going to ask good questions we're going to clarify. 

"So what I'm hearing you say is..." 

"Tell me more about this..." 

"So we've done this before; how are we going to move this forward?" 

You do not need to have the answer. 

And in fact, not having the answer as a leader allows you to be a better leader and be less stressed and not feel that internal pressure that I know you've been feeling and being the right kind of leader. 

Guess what the right kind of leader is? 

The one that's okay, not having the answers, that's okay being wrong, that owns their stuff. 

"I'm feeling stressed today. I feel overwhelmed. But I'm really looking forward to our time together."

"I'm looking forward to problem solve, to brainstorm to hear about your ideas." 

When you can do that consistently, then people trust you. 

People are like, "Oh, I'm really looking forward to talking to Lauren because she's a good time. She wears those fun hats, and she listens to me. And she doesn't give me advice anymore." 

Yeah, that's what being a leader is. 

I don't need to have the title to be a leader. 

You don't need to have the title to be a leader. 

All you need to do is create the space before you enter. 

Create your agenda, create your intentions, create the space and be consistent. 

In doing these five things, I guarantee you're gonna feel better going to bed, waking up, and entering into interactions because you don't have to be the maker and creator of all the things. 

How about that? It's a collective process, this team thing. Who knew? 

I hope this has been helpful, and let me know how it goes. 

And if it's a colossal failure, well, you know, just kidding, it's gonna go great. And I'll see you guys next time you keep being awesome.

How to Stop Getting Distracted During Your Day

If you are like everybody else, you are probably inundated with pings and dings and alerts and buzzes and all those things.

You may be focused and typing away, and everything's great. And then you get the "ping." And your attention goes elsewhere, you lose your momentum, you lose your focus, you lose that productivity, and then you're in the rabbit hole. You find yourself scrolling through Instagram and Facebook, and Reddit is my new downfall.

How do we get back on track when we have all of these distractions going on?

I want you to grab this magical little device. And I want you to scroll through your phone and find the apps that get your attention the most. And I want you to get ready. We're going to do this together. There's my Instagram, we're going to hover on it, and I'm going to remove the app.

So here's the thing, if it's bugging you, if it's taking your energy away, an active decision is removing the app. An inactive and passive decision is trying to convince yourself that you are more intelligent than your brain's chemistry. And guess what? You're not, you're not.

Your brain is here to outsmart you.

It's trying to keep you in your little patterns of safety and comfort. And so it's going to try to pull you back to that feeling that, "Ooooh, someone's thought of me. Someone wants to be in touch with me."

No, they don't. If they wanted to talk to connect, they would call, they would send you a text message, or they would make plans with you.

So let's go ahead and delete the apps. I've already deleted mine and I feel better already. So Facebook and Instagram are now off of my phone.

If you're like a lot of my clients who are on Slack, guess what? It's got to come off your phone too. Because if it is pulling you away from doing the work you want to do from having the connections that you want to have with other people, it's got to go it has to go.

Otherwise you're convincing yourself that it's good for you when in fact it's not.

My friends (Griefcat) have this great song, Loving You is like Eating Chipotle." It looks like it should be good for you, but it's really not.

If you want to make healthier life choices. Let's make actual healthy life choices. Let's not do these half-assed versions of like, blame sort of kind of doing it. There is no such thing as a neutral decision, and a non-decision is accepting and tolerating things that haven't worked and will continue not working for you.

Let's do a little life scan. Let's do a little inventory.

Where are things not working for you?

Where have you just passively accepted things and assume them and really just become a sponge for nonsense?

Life is short. We don't have a guaranteed timeframe. And then, you know, we get a party at the end, maybe we do who knows! Nothing is guaranteed and you are not entitled to have this fantastic thing rolled out for you.

You have to create it.

Nobody's going to just say, “Hey, you really put in the work you suffer through life. So now you get to be rewarded.”

It's not how it works. You need to actively create it with the decisions and the actions. There are minor micro shifts that happen every day, every moment, and the time you wake up, shoot, even as you go to bed. This is where you need to start setting those intentions for the life you want to create.

It all begins with the thoughts that become the beliefs. The beliefs become the actions that give us these feelings. It all comes together. We think our emotions are in charge of us. But guess what seeds your emotions? It's your belief system. It's your mindset. It's your thoughts. It's the people you surround yourself with. It's your decision. It is a cycle. And guess how we change the cycle? By changing the factors, changing the environment, and changing the variables, you can expect a different result.

If you're doing the same thing over and over again. What is it Einstein said that chaos doing the same thing expecting a different result? Change it up, change it up and see what happens? Be patient and observe. Get curious. It's like a science experiment. What variables do we change to get a different result?

Look at what worked in the past. I guarantee it'll work in the future. But stop blaming technology. Resolve technology, make technology work for you. And if it doesn't work for you, guess what? It's kind of like people in your life. They gotta go, they gotta go if they're not working for you. If You're ready to cut the fat and get healthy, let's do it. And you guys keep being awesome!

Subscribe to The Spitfire Podcast on Apple Podcast and Spotify

How to Go on Vacation as a Business Owner or Manager (and Actually Enjoy It)

Today we’re talking about taking a vacation and coming back rested and recharged. I cannot tell you how many of my clients do not know how to do this - or how hard it’s been for me!

I was nervous, stressed out, always needing to work, constantly feeling like I was going to miss an opportunity, or my clients weren’t going to come back, or I had to work because I had to make money. And if I didn't make money, everything was going to fall apart. The only thing that ended up falling apart was my sanity, my energy, and my health. So I had to get honest with myself about it.

“Listen, chick! You’ve got one life to live. How do you want to live it?”

I find it interesting when my clients come to me and say, "I'm nervous about taking time off. I'm anxious about coming back from vacation." My response is, "Of course you are!"

Imagine if you're already feeling stressed out and overwhelmed, and you have a mountain of a to-do list, and you step away from it for a week or two weeks, or maybe it's a day or two. And all you can think about are the messages, the voicemails, the emails, the mountain of responsibility awaiting you when you return.

You can't relax when you're at home because all you're thinking about is that mountain that is waiting for you. So you convince yourself that you need to go and check your email, you just need to go and check Slack, you just need to go and check your voicemail and text messages on your work phone.

Then you fall into THE RABBIT HOLE OF DISTRACTION and before you know it you’ve work a full day while you were supposed to be on vacation.

And then you start comparing and judging yourself. And thus, the cycle continues, and you come back after your "vacation" feeling worse than when you left. You are not rested, not recharged, AND you are beating yourself up on the inside for not handling things how you wanted.

So first, let us all take a deep breath.

Let's use this as an opportunity to forgive ourselves for past violations of our vacation time and the self-punishment that followed. Let’s instead acknowledge that we have not treated ourselves very well. We have not been good stewards of our well-being.

And then we can use this as our opportunity to redefine what vacation is about how we want to feel when we're on vacation and, most importantly, how we want to feel when returning from vacation. For me, vacation is about us taking intentional time away from my day-to-day tasks to have fun, nap and read.

Did you know that a lot of companies have mandatory sabbaticals? For example, in the financial industry, companies have pre-scheduled mandatory time that you step away. Companies use this time as an opportunity to see if there has been any corruption or fraud happening or if processes are breaking down or not as efficient or effective without us. As a manager or business owner, you want to know where you may be creating inefficiencies or gaps.

Breaks and vacations are an integral part of the business. We need to take breaks because we need to see how realistic and reasonable it is without you there. Yes, that's right, you are replaceable. We all can be replaced, but I still think you're special!

We are not robots or machines. Even robots and machines need servicing, updates in software, belts and batteries replaced, or an oiling up!

You should be oiled up on a beach! Doesn't that sound fantastic?!

I also want you to realize and understand the message you send to your team when you don't take breaks. When you don't recharge when you step away and don't honor that time with your family, it says, “you shouldn’t either or I may not value or respect you.” Your actions are just as important as your words and when they don’t line up, it creates distrust.

This is an old story, and you probably have had a stressful situation where you've had a boss who's violated boundaries, who's messaged you while you're away, while you're with family, and you have probably responded. Maybe that was a toxic situation, perhaps it was an emergency. But the reality is we start to categorize everything, every communication as urgent and important, when in fact, it's not. We are allowed to go away and we also need to have boundaries.

Here are some ways I’ve prepped myself for time away from my business:

Make an Agreement with Yourself

When I'm away on vacation, I agree to do the following things:

(I want you to write your own list)

1) I agree to remove social media apps from my phone.

2) I agree not to check work email.

3) I agree to put an out-of-office response on my email.

4) I agree not to schedule client meetings while I'm on vacation. (That's a big one. For me, I'm like... I can squeeze in a session.) No, vacation is vacation.

Ok now that we have our vacation agreements made, here’s are 3 Things to Prep You for Vacay:

1) Let people know well in advance that you will be taking a vacation

2) Create a contingency plan. For example, "In my absence, please get in touch with this person and then that person can then determine if it is an emergency and be clear about what makes an emergency."

An emergency is not when people can't find a file or have trouble with a mail merge. That's what Google is for. It's a beautiful thing.

3) The Night Before, or Right Now, Delete The Apps that Trigger You - A lot of my clients have Slack. Take this app off your phone. There's something about that "ping" sound that elicits a stress response. Anything that alerts you turn it off, or better yet, delete it! We're trying to de-stress you here!

Your time away is also an opportunity to train people to be more autonomous, have more agency, and feel more independent. Ultimately, this is what you want to do as a leader!

Can you believe that going on vacation is leadership training?!

Here is where you can start to delegate away:

As you're preparing for a vacation, you need to put your contingency plan in place. Who's responsible for what in which scenarios?

1. If you're feeling anxious, use it to find the gaps and areas of concern in your plan.

"Oh, no, this is going to happen! What do they do if I'm not there?!"

Okay, let's imagine that happens. Who's going to do what? Who's going to take on what needs to happen while you're gone?

2. Accept that you cannot do everything, AND you are not meant to do everything.

It's a very inefficient business model to do that. If you were that in demand, you are holding things up, you are the bottleneck. So this is the time to take the lid off the bottle and depressurize.

3. This vacation allows you not just to unplug and recharge but allows your team to see what else they can do.

What else can they take on? What else are they capable of? And if they can't handle it, well then, what's wrong with the process, and what needs to be shifted and changed in the process? If it's not sustainable for you to be away, then we either don't have enough resources, the process is broken, the product is damaged, but we can't mask it. We can't duct tape it and say that it's perfection because that's not true. Once we know the source, we can improve our fix the dysfunction, but not with you in the way!

You deserve to have a break. It is a necessary part of life. So if you're a small business owner, take a break, even if you're just getting your business off the ground.

As a reminder, be proactive. Look for the gaps. If you have a stress response, get curious about it. What is it that you need to figure out? What questions do you need to ask? What resources do you need to build a plan that's outside of you so that you can step away and exhale?

4. Remember to breathe, just breathe.

That's the biggest thing about being on vacation is just to be present, take it in, enjoy the time and capture those memories. I hope you take a break as much as you can because we all need it.

What I’ve Learned After 5 Years in Business

Today marks the day that I walked away from the security of a bi-monthly paycheck and jumped into the wild and wonderful world of entrepreneurship. I could tell you a story about how amazing it’s been, but that’s only part of the story. I want to use this space and time to share my lessons, not so you can skip the scary parts, but so you can be ready to take them on and know that you are not alone.

In 2016 I ended an eleven-year career in association management (well sort of, we’ll get to that later!). I was traveling the world, running three trade associations, making big decisions. But after constant travel, caps on my salary, and burnout from a failing marriage and overworking at the Crossfit Gym we owned, I knew I needed a change. (Full story in Spitting Fire). 

On June 3rd everything changed.

Gay Hendricks in his book, “The Big Leap,” said it best “the difference between fear and excitement is breath” and boy did I hold mine in anticipation for what I didn’t know was about to come.

Lesson 1: Remember to Breathe

On day one I had zero clients and fragments of a prospect.  What I did have was a naiveté that thought clients would come rushing through the door once they knew I had set up shop. You would think I would be shouting it from the roof tops, “I’m here to help you, come work with me!”

But I didn’t. I got scared and hid in self-doubt. “Who would possibly want to work with someone so new in the coaching world? Why would someone want to work with someone who doesn’t believe in themselves?”  

Lesson 2: No One Knows What You’re Doing Unless You Tell Them

I began to peek out and write blogs and network, but I floundered in being able to speak clearly and concisely about what it is I actually did. (Coaches have their own language and it typically goes way over most people’s heads.) I was able to land a couple private clients, but it definitely was not enough to cover my expenses.

Full transparency: In year one, I made 13k.

These are the things coaching schools don’t prepare you for. They don’t want you to know how much you need to do to bring in clients. They want you to believe that all you need to think is happy thoughts or pick the perfect niche.

Lesson 3: Know Your Numbers and Be Honest About How Long You Can Go Making Little to Nothing 

I was scared, like I’m going to lose it all scared. I started putting my rent and living expenses on credit cards to keep cash available. I also started getting honest about my fear. You see fear wants you to stay quiet. It wants you to stay in your head. It wants to keep the story replaying. Why? Because it wants to keep you safe in what it knows. Change threatens its relevance. Change shakes up the status quo. Change allows you to unearth things that have been squatting under the surface that have been poisoning the well.

Lesson 4: When You’re Scared, Go Back to Why You Started

I had major mindset issues around worth and money. After working in an industry that is positioned to have staff feel like indentured servants, it was a challenge to think I was anything but hired help. I knew I didn’t want to go back to that feeling. I knew I was meant for more.

Rather than run back to my old employer with my tail between my legs, I sat in the discomfort, I strategized, I talked with people who were more experienced than me, and I really put all of me out there – not just the shiny forced smile version.

And that’s when things started to click in year two. I got selected to coach under an amazing organization who was launching a beta coaching program where I started working with my ideal clients. I spoke to audiences that nodded along with what I was dishing out. I launched my podcast. Most importantly I detached from the outcome of who I was supposed to be as a coach. I became who I always was, a Spitfire!

Lesson 5: Define Who You Are in The Business and The Business will Respond Accordingly

In year two I made $45k which is 3 times what I made in the first year, but still not enough to not be in the hole living in DC. Sure, I could’ve moved, but where I lived became the epicenter of business development, events, and productivity. I dabbled in consulting but realized that wasn’t my best move. I even worked in security at a music venue. Yes, 5’3 me was essentially a bouncer. After trying on all of these roles, I always came back to my desire to work with people who had the potential to make waves of positive change.

I shed all of the non-essential work and focused on speaking, collaborating and investing back in my business.

At the end of year three I had brough in $55k.

In year 4, I made my biggest investment in myself and my business. I signed up for a lifelong membership with The Corporate Agent. My friend Ebony, who is equal parts cheerleader, truth-seer and knowledge dropper, urged me to check it out and I was so happy she did.

Immediately I felt at home with the infectious energy of the group leader, Angelique Rewers, and her generous approach to knowledge sharing and instruction. Nothing was off limits or too basic to answer. 

After signing up, within the first quarter I made more than I had in the previous year. By the end of that year, I made more than I ever did in corporate.

What was the winning combination? 

·     Seeing myself as a business owner.

·     Investing in myself.

·     Building a process.

·     Upping my prices.

·     Surrounding myself with a network of smart and ambitious people.

·     Saying no to drains on my energy and time.

Lesson 6: Invest in Yourself

As I wrap up year five, even with a pandemic, I am on track to have my best year yet. I am working with amazing clients including my former association management client from 2005 – 2016. I just closed my largest single engagement presenting on a topic that I can geek out on for hours, Innovative Mindset.

Lesson 7: Surround Yourself With People Who See The Best in You

I am working with people who see me and appreciate my gifts and vice versa. We are working on projects that break the mold and get to the root issue rather than dance around in the tactics.

Ultimately, I am really freaking happy for the work I’ve done. For trusting the process even when I didn’t know what was coming. For sitting in the funk and having the courage to ask for help. For giving myself the space to explore and experiment. For granting myself grace and kindness to allow my true self to show up.

Is business ownership for everyone? No.

Is it for me? You betcha!

How to Influence Workplace Culture

Converting Crisis Into Creativity

Converting Crisis into Creativity

How to work with your fear and anxiety

This past week, I saw my parents for the first time in seven months. Like many people, seeing family members or friends has to be taken under serious consideration.

How safe has everyone been?

What are their safety protocols?

How close can I get?

How comfortable is everyone?

How can I reduce or remove risk factors?

I delayed the visits until there was mutual comfort from all parties and a plan.

Since March I have reflected daily on my feelings, beliefs, thoughts and concerns. What I uncovered is a deep desire to identify and communicate my own comfort level and needs. Examining what I need to feel comfortable - space, protection, a clear plan, and an exit strategy.

Last Friday morning I set off to drive 9.5 hours to New Hampshire where my mom lives. I packed up a cooler with snacks and drinks and belted it into the front seat. Next to it was a bag of supplies including two masks, disinfecting wipes, hand sanitizer spray, paper towels. I strategized where I would stop and what I would do when I stopped. I had a process for getting gas, using the restroom and stretching my legs. 

A year ago, this over-planning would have stressed me out. Today it is my source of comfort and confidence. It is also my source of inspiration and innovation.

Combining my love of design, process and event management, my partner and I have built an experience for people craving live music. Our secret backyard shows communicate our thorough safety protocols, shared expectations and visual plans with reserved seating and exit and entrance pathways.  As I was the person who was most concerned with safety, I knew if I felt at ease with our plan, others could too.

We are all being challenged to change, to adapt, to adjust. And with that comes grief, fear, and uncertainty. But that’s not the full story. We have an incredible opportunity to look within, to see what is most important, what is essential. We can use this trauma to catalyze us into a new version of our self. We can see where our limits are and what we need to feel safe.

Here’s a little bonus. Yesterday on my return trip, I scrolled to a podcast from Harvard Business Review on Post-Traumatic Growth. It’s a new perspective on emerging out of crisis and chaos. 

Here is the description:

Richard Tedeschi, a psychology professor and distinguished chair of the Boulder Crest Institute, says that crises like the Covid-19 pandemic and its economic fallout as well as the recent racial violence and social unrest in the United States, can yield not just negative but also positive outcomes for individuals, teams, companies, industries, communities and nations. He has spent decades studying this phenomenon of post-traumatic growth and identified strategies for achieving it as well as the benefits that can accrue, from better relationships to the discovery of new opportunities. Tedeschi is the author of the HBR article "Growth After Trauma."

Take a listen here.

Putting it Into Practice

1. Take a series of deep breaths. Try the 4 X 4 X 4 x 4 Method (4 count in, 4 count hold, 4 count exhale, four times)

2. Write down what is most important to you. What makes you happy?

3. List the constraints or obstacles that make you think that you “can’t do them”.

4. For each constraint, ask the question, “How I might feel more comfortable or confident about this obstacle?”

5. What do you need to support that comfort or confidence?

6. Who can you recruit in to support your new plan?

Solutions are all around us, but we may not see them until we step back and breathe.

Perspective is a beautiful thing!

Me with my mom and her husband Mark on our rock hunting trek to an abandoned mill in Nelson, NH.

6 Ways to Deal with Difficult Personalities

We all have at least one person in our lives that strikes a nerve. No matter what they do, we recoil or think the worst about their intentions. We’ve already made up their story line about how they’re trying to make our lives a living hell.

As a coach, I’m supposed to operate without judgment, but I’m human and it’s a daily practice to not revert into past middle school antics. Now that I’ve lowered your expectations, I’ll tell you what’s worked with me to navigate a world filled with people who don’t flow on the same current as me.

1)      Chill the F@$% Out

I have a piece of artwork near my door that highlights this point. Nothing is that serious, yet I can have the tendency of shifting urgency to unimportant situations.

2)      It’s Not About Me

If someone’s having a bad day and vents or has a nasty look on their face, 9/10 it has nothing to do with me. For that 10% if it has something to do with me, unless that person wants to address it, I keep it moving.

3)      Acknowledge that Everyone Has Their Own Crap

We all have our own baggage that we’re coping with. Whether it’s trust issues, insecurities or fear, we’re doing the best we can to make it through unscathed. It’s not a pissing match to see who has it worse off or who has it easier.

4)      Open Up

Once we get through acknowledging our crap, we can drop our guard and stop being an untouchable hard ass. Funny thing is, when we start sharing our most vulnerable experiences, most people will exhale and share with you.

5)      Offer Support

If someone has a difficult personality, they’re usually protecting themselves from a past hurt and push people away before someone hurts them. If you see them challenged by something, offer a hand or ask how you can support them. Even if they decline, the intensive of the trigger will lessen from them.

6)      Change Your Route

If you don’t have to be around the person, but find yourself running into them and getting triggered, shift your route and routine. It may seem like an inconvenience, but I would argue that being fired up and annoyed will take more out of you.

My guess is no one wants to be viewed as difficult, but unfortunately, we don’t know how to get out of our own way. A little compassion and empathy goes a long way, but if the person impacts you on a toxic level, you have every right to stay away and avoid the situation. You are only in control of you and can only change your thoughts, beliefs, behaviors and actions if you want to.