The Feedback Fallacy: Rethinking Feedback for Better Results

Can we talk about the F-word? No, not that one. We’re talking about feedback—the word that makes stomachs drop, palms sweat, and entire teams dread one-on-one meetings.

But why? Why does feedback feel so uncomfortable? And more importantly, how can we flip the script so that feedback actually helps, rather than hinders, growth?

In this post, we’re breaking down the Feedback Fallacy—the flawed way we’ve been taught to give and receive feedback—and offering a smarter, more effective approach that fosters real improvement and trust.

The Problem with Traditional Feedback

Feedback is often viewed in binary terms—either positive (praise) or negative (criticism). This creates an unhealthy power dynamic where the leader becomes the judge, and the recipient is either validated or condemned.

Here’s what typically happens:

• Negative Feedback → Defense Mode
  A leader points out what an employee did wrong, thinking it’s a "teachable moment." Instead, the recipient feels attacked. Their brain goes into self-protection mode, worrying about their job, reputation, or self-worth rather than learning from the feedback.

• Positive Feedback → The Approval Trap
  On the flip side, when employees only hear praise, they can become addicted to external validation. When that validation is missing, they spiral into self-doubt. Did I do something wrong? Why haven’t I been recognized? What does my boss really think?

Neither of these approaches leads to genuine growth. Instead, they create fear and uncertainty—which is exactly what we don’t want in high-performing teams.

Flipping the Script: How to Give Effective Feedback

If we want feedback to actually work, we need to ditch the judgmental approach and move toward a co-creative feedback loop. Here’s how:

1. Make Feedback a Two-Way Conversation

Instead of making statements, ask open-ended questions that encourage self-reflection.

💬 “I noticed this. Can we talk about it?”
💬 “What did you notice about your performance?”
💬 “What would you have done differently?”
💬 “What do you need to be successful?”

This approach shifts the power dynamic. Instead of dictating what went wrong, you invite the other person to reflect, analyze, and learn—without the emotional baggage of feeling judged.

2. Focus on the Process, Not Just the Outcome

Instead of saying, “Great job on that presentation,” ask:

💬 “What do you think made that presentation so effective?”

This gets people to internally validate their own success, reinforcing their confidence and ability to replicate their best work—rather than just chasing praise.

3. Build a Culture of Trust and Psychological Safety

People need to feel safe to receive and act on feedback. If past experiences with criticism have made them fearful, they’ll shut down the moment feedback begins.

Instead of just saying, “Here’s what you did wrong,” frame feedback as:

💬 “I’m noticing a pattern—can we talk about how this is working for you?”

When feedback is framed as a shared conversation rather than a lecture, employees are more likely to engage, reflect, and improve.

4. Align Expectations to Avoid Unmet Needs

Often, feedback issues arise because expectations aren’t clear. If an employee isn’t meeting expectations, ask:

💬 “What do you need to feel successful?”
💬 “Here’s what I need to see to feel confident in your abilities.”

By making expectations explicit on both sides, you eliminate uncertainty and create an environment where everyone knows what success looks like.

The Bottom Line

Traditional feedback methods are outdated and ineffective. If we want to truly elevate our teams and workplace culture, we need to move from judgment to collaboration.

✅ Ask questions instead of making statements
✅ Encourage self-reflection over external validation
✅ Build trust instead of fear
✅ Align expectations to avoid unnecessary anxiety

When you shift how you approach feedback, you’ll be shocked at how much more open, engaged, and confident your team becomes. Try it out—and watch the transformation happen.

Now, go forth and revolutionize the way you give feedback. 🚀