5 Reasons Why New Year's Resolutions Fail (And What You Can Do About It)

5-4-3-2-1 Happy New Year!!!
Woohoo we made it to another year filled with hope, motivation and a laundry list of the things we’d like to change. You’ve bought the new workout apparel, stocked our fridges full of healthy food and bought enough self-improvement books to keep you busy for months. You’re committed to the new you and know you will succeed!

I want you to succeed. I really do. But unfortunately those resolutions are heading for Disappointmentville, USA in about 4-6 weeks.

By mid-February those packed treadmills are collecting dust and those healthy eating habits are replaced more convenient calorie-dense options because meal prep is just way too hard! I don’t mean to rain on your parade, but I do want to give it to you straight.

I’m going to give you the top 5 reasons why New Years Resolutions Fail and what you can do about it.
 
#1: Your Goals Were Too Big – “But all of the blogs and influencers on Instagram tell me to dream big!”

Yes, you should have a growth mindset and think beyond your horizon, but when goals are too big, we set our expectations too high and can’t cope when we can’t keep up with them. 

For example if your resolution is to workout at the gym every day and you push yourself too hard on Day 1, you’re going to be super sore and frustrated that you are unable to have those killer workouts. (After the third day you should be feeling better FYI).

What you can do about it: Write your goal down and break it into daily, weekly and monthly goals. What do you need to be successful? What’s a reasonable, stretch and all-out-effort goal?
 

#2: Your Goals Were Too General – “But if I’m too specific, it will limit my success.” 

Being too general lacks direction and energy. It’s like the vanilla ice cream of the flavor line. Without a clearer vision of what you want, you’ll be circling around hoping that your specific goal pops up. Unfortunately you’ll waste a lot of time, energy and patience in the process and will move on to something easier and more gratifying.

What you can do about it: Close your eyes and envision yourself being successful. What do you see around you? What have you accomplished? How do you feel? Who helped you in the process? How did they help you?
 
#3: You Don’t Know Why You’re Doing It – “Yes, I do! All of the commercials tell me this diet is the best way to lose a lot of weight.” 

Ah yes, the good ole external influence and validation. We convince ourselves that it’s a great idea, but we don’t really know why we’re doing it. We see others do it and it looks easy for them, so we assume it will be easy for us. Unfortunately we don’t see the time, effort and planning needed to change old, nasty habits. Additionally, when goals come from outside of us, we can often get stuck in a comparison loop where we don’t feel like we’re good enough or doing it right.

Resolutions aren’t there to make you feel bad – they’re there to inspire you to be your best self!

What you can do about it: If it feels like your resolutions are coming from outside of you, give yourself some quiet time. It could be as little as ten minutes. When you have that space, ask yourself what do you want and why do you want it? If it keeps coming back to other people or other expectations, keep asking yourself. Make sure you have a paper and pen nearby to capture your thoughts.
 
#4: It Wasn’t Really a Priority – “Umm scrap-booking is extremely important, and I’m offended that you don’t think that I think it’s a priority!” 

I’m sure those boxes of photos that have been sitting in your closet for five years are a huge priority in your life. This is what we would classify as a nice to get done, but if you’re not motivated to get it done in June, what makes you’ll get it done now? When we have lingering projects that we never seem to get done, it adds additional pressure and stress that demotivates us further.

What you can do about it: If scrap-booking is important to you, connect it to a fun goal or an inner value. Maybe scrap-booking represents a connection to your family or allows you to feel creative. When you feel inspired, create the space and time to get it done. If it feels like a chore, you’re going to treat it like a punishment, so have a little fun and enjoy the process.
 
#5: You Don’t Think You Deserve It – “Ouch! That’s a tough pill to swallow.” 

I know this can be a hard thing to hear and admit, but let’s be honest with one another. If you thought you were worth it, would you need a proclamation and broadcast to make the change. I’ve seen this happen time and time again with my clients and friends. The ones who are the loudest and most visible about “going to make a change” are the least likely to keep it up.

What you can do about it: Do you believe you are worth the effort? I hope you do and if so, own that confidence and create your plan with a buddy or two to help you motivated and to have more fun. The whole world doesn’t need to know what you’re up to and you don’t need that pressure to succeed.

If you’ve had trouble keeping up with your goals in the past spend some quiet time reflecting on why you think you weren’t as successful and what you can control in the future to have a better outcome.
 
Additional Resources
I’ve put together this handy dandy Intention-Based Goal-Setting Worksheet to help you get some clarity around your goals for the new year.  Have fun with it and Have an Awesome New Year!

My Work-Life Balance Wake Up

This past week I spoke at a Career Accelerator Workshop for proposal management professionals on the topic of Work-Life Balance.

Confession: I was completely triggered by the topic and session title I was assigned – It’s a Marathon Not a Sprint: Work-Life Balance for the Long Haul

Why was I triggered?

I heard people talk about balance like it’s the pot of gold at the end of the rainbow or an elusive unicorn waiting just beyond the horizon. There are tons of self-help books, podcasts, and classes about mastering it. Insert yoga class, meditation, essential oils, and kale and voila, we can achieve Work-Life Balance! Even with the best intentions, these positive practices last a week or two before the common stressors of life kick in like an unappreciative boss, sick kids, a computer glitch, etc that set us back into our self-destructive ways.

Why do I know this?

This is what I do for a living. I work with people to get motivated and de-stress. I’m known for helping people with burnout recovery and prevention.

The Real Reason

Because this is me. I SHOULD have it all together, but just like the shoemaker with no shoes, I am guilty of negative self-speak, lethargy, over-consumption of crap television and junk food (sour cream and onion chips!). I was in a daze of distraction of late nights binging on Netflix to self-assigned dead-end projects knowing they didn’t serve me or my business. I was spinning my wheels and I was aware that I wasn’t gaining traction. My energy sucked, I put on 15 lbs. and I couldn’t look on Instagram without hating myself and 98% of the people posting.

I’m not writing this as a reflective story from five years ago. This happened just a few weeks ago. I wrote my first book in August and got an amazing response and I thought naively that the momentum would continue and the next idea for a book would come rushing in. But it didn’t.

I then decided to make an ego-rocking decision to move from my amazing apartment in the sky with picture perfect views to a studio with 40% less space, no view and more quirks than I knew what to do with. I got rid of my furniture and non-essentials. I thought the less stuff and space would give me an opening to create. It didn’t. Instead I felt claustrophobic, isolated and paralyzed. My space didn’t make me feel successful. An ounce of clutter overwhelmed my sight line. A dirty dish became an impossible task. My bed became my home base where I spent more hours in then I want to admit.

Who was I to be giving advice on Work-Life Balance, when my world seemed to be merging into a blob of funk??

This was my real trigger. I felt like an impostor. How could I be the expert on balance when I was struggling to get myself out of bed? How could I inspire people to be confident in their own skin when I didn’t feel comfortable in my own?

It wasn’t until my grandmother’s funeral the week before Thanksgiving that it clicked. I had been focusing on what wasn’t there or what was lacking. My brain was on high alert pinpointing everything that wasn’t working. But there’s nothing like people who knew you when you had a snotty nose and were missing teeth.

My family that I hadn’t seen for 15+ years didn’t care that I wasn’t writing another book – they were happy I wrote the one I did and that it was dedicated to my grandma, Dolly. They didn’t care that I put on weight – they had nothing to compare it to. They were just happy to see me and to hear my stories honoring Dolly. They loved me because I showed up as me.

My heart filled up to a level I didn’t know I had been missing. I was open to receive and to listen to what I needed.

What was out of balance?

I was out of alignment with familial connection. I was so focused with creating, entertaining and managing other people, that I forgot about my own need for connection. I excused it away as people being busy, but I missed my family and my friends.

After returning home, I decided to get my shit together and park the pity train at the station. I signed up for a 4-week workout/meal plan challenge at the insistence of one of my clients (yes, even the coach can get coached!) and have stuck with it. I asked for help from my amazing neighbors who volunteered their space for me to work out of and store my over-sized furniture. I can now see my floor and access both windows in my 395-foot space. I started writing again – hence this blog post.

Most importantly I spoke to that room of proposal management professionals not as an uppity expert, but as a human being doing the best I could. Instead of reading slides and telling people what to do, I offered tools and encouraged them to trust themselves and listen to what their body and soul really needed.

See, it’s not about the perfect amount of time or energy that you spend at work and home, but about how you spend it. It’s an ongoing check-in with yourself about what’s working and what’s not. When you make it about your choice and your terms, you have the ability to reframe any situation or make new decisions that better serve you. When you take care of yourself first and foremost you can better support and take care of others around you!

The 13 Most Common Entrepreneurial Pitfalls: Source, Symptoms and Remedies

It seems that everyone on Instagram is an Entrepreneur or CEO. What used to be a high risk and scary choice, has now been glamorized into fast money, luxurious lifestyles, and ready-set-go businesses.

A picture is worth a thousand words, but the stories behind the glossy pictures are anything but fancy. I know the true stories of self-doubt, self-sabotage, and business burnout.

Over the years I’ve seen the same 13 challenges and entrepreneurial pitfalls in myself, my clients, and other entrepreneurs:

1. Not Having a Clear Focus/Mission

2. Trying to Be All Things to All People

3. Lack of Revenue Diversity — Relying on One Client

4. Imposter Syndrome

5. DIYitis

6. Isolation

7. Burning the Candle at Both Ends/Lack of Self-care

8. Taking it Personal and Not Making it About the Client/Customer

9. Not Going All In/ Not Showing Up at 100%

10. Not Charging the Appropriate Amount (usually too little)

11. Investing in Tactics and Not Youself or Business

12. Not Taking/Accepting Help

13. Expecting Success to Come Easy with Minimal Effort

But how do we overcome these challenges and entrepreneurial pitfalls?

We start a new conversation.
We get honest
We get real and we get to the root of the issue.
Simple right? Now go do it!

It would be unfair to leave you with a list and a simple three-sentence plan.

In the next section, we’re going to dive into the source, symptoms, and remedy for each pitfall. Before we get going, I suggest writing down, the numbers of your pitfalls. Don’t be afraid… I deal with and have dealt with all 13!

1. Not Having a Clear Focus/Mission

Source: Information overload. The entrepreneur starts with an initial excitement and idea to follow and then, like Pac Man, starts gobbling up all the ideas. With a lack of organization and filtration device, the ideas get muddied. What once started as vibrant colors and ideas have now mixed into a glob of muck.

Symptoms: Squirrely focus. Distracted easily. Persuaded easily by others. Overwhelmed. Frustrated. Frazzled. “Yes” to all the things.

Remedy: Stop. It’s time to go back to square one before the business was ever in motion. What was the core idea or inspiration? What about it excited and motivated you? This is where your new mission and focus will be developed. If you are still unclear, reach out to trusted advisors or a business coach for clarity. This will be uncomfortable at the start but stick with it until you feel a focused energy.

2. Trying to Be All Things to All People

Source: People pleasing tendencies. Not wanting to disappoint people by saying no. Desire to be “The Nice Girl or Guy.” Seeking of Likeability.

Symptoms: Burnout. Overloaded schedule. Triple bookings.  Feeling of being taken advantage of. Plays roles that don’t suit skillset. Feeling of being helpful, but helpless. May suffer from reoccurring colds or illness.

Remedy: The Triple D Method to Time Management. All decisions will be based on the following three criteria:

• Doability: Can it be done with the current resources (time, skill, and manpower) as requested? If no, see “Delegatability.” If yes, see “Desirability.”

• Desirability: Does this feel like a treat or punishment? If it’s a treat, get it done! If it’s a punishment, see “Delegability” or use the power of “No.”

• Delegatability: Can this task realistically be performed by someone other than you? If yes, delegate away. If no, and it failed the “Desirability” and “Doability,” that’s a “Triple D Fail.”

You are only to say yes if it’s a “Triple D Success.”

3. Lack of Revenue Diversity — Relying on One Client

Source: Security. High Levels of Trust. Single Focus.

Symptoms: Scarcity mentality. Anxiety around outside factor. Worry around when the well will dry up. All or nothing mentality. Increased stress. Lack of sleep. Weight gain/Weight loss related to stress.

Remedy: Business Development. Who are the next 3-5 organizations/clients that would benefit from your services? It’s time to pick up the phone or write some emails. If a client is responsible for more than 40% of your revenue, it’s time to diversify. It’s easier to make up 40% than 100%.

4. Imposter Syndrome

Source: Lack of confidence. Self-doubt. Limiting beliefs around being qualified/verified. Past examples of failure, being unsure, witnessing failure in others.

Symptoms: Self-sabotage. Not showing up as an expert or thought leader. Playing small. Selling self-short.

Remedy: Create Your Credentials. Just like in school you had to pass a core curriculum, now is your chance. Write down a list of the credentials you need to be a qualified entrepreneur. Seriously. Don’t make it about anyone else. What do you need to learn, experience, gain expertise in, connect to? Create a 101, 201, 301 and 401 syllabi and go from there. After you’ve accomplished your course load, you get to graduate! Yes, you need a ceremony, cap, gown, and diploma!

5. DIYitis

Source: Lack of trust. Past disappointment. My-way-is-the-only-way mindset.

Symptoms: Overwhelm. Overload. Burnout. Distrust. Micromanaging others. Taking back control after delegating. Not outsourcing when appropriate. Slowing down progress. Project stall out.

Remedy: Recruit a Trusted Partner. Whether it’s a colleague or coach, you need someone who has your back and will give you honest feedback and input. You can’t do it all and you shouldn’t have to. What do you need support with? What can you easily move off your plate? Start small and work to build trust with others. If you assume everyone will burn you, you’re probably attracting in people who will. What if you could set your sites on someone who will be truthful and direct with you? Even if you don’t like what they have to say, at least you know where they stand. And how awesome would it be to move things off your plate and focus on your strengths?!

6. Isolation

Source: Fear of rejection. Desire to focus inwards. Introversion.

Symptoms: Refuses social invitations. Lack of networking and connection with others. (See DIYitis). Rejection of idea sharing and brainstorming.

Remedy: Exposure. Sign up for a Meet-Up group or networking event. Call a friend or two. Meet a colleague or client for coffee. Get a shower, get dressed and get out there. Your home office funk is seeping into your pores, it’s time to fresh up your body, mind, and brain!

7. Burning the Candle at Both Ends and Lack of Self-care

Source: Assumption of Machine-Like Abilities. False Sense of Unlimited Energy.

Symptoms: At its most extreme level, illness and burnout. Initially, it is shown as an unstoppable force. Others envy their unstoppable abilities that seem like the Energizer Bunny. For outsiders, they keep going and going without sleep. Without necessary care and recharge, they undoubtedly crash.

Remedy: Sleep (7 hours+), Meditation (5-10 minutes per day), Walking outdoors, Yoga, Nutritious food. If you’re familiar with Maslow’s hierarchy of needs, these are at the foundation. If you want to run efficiently like a machine, you’ve gotta keep it fueled and serviced.

8. Taking it Personal and Not Making it About the Client

Source: Fear of being wrong. Fear of failure. Scarcity mentality. Over-personification with business.

Symptoms: By only focusing on one opinion, the entrepreneur is either all right or all wrong. There is no gray area. With a personal single focus, decisions are made on emotional impulse and reaction. Feelings of disconnection and rejection. Internalization of rejection. Judgment. Energy sinks with each rejection.

Remedy: Objectification. You are not the business and the business is not you. Your business is your product/service for clients/customers. By focusing on the needs of those purchasing your goods and services, you can make comprehensive, data-driven and objective decisions. Each failure and success may be a result of your decision, but it does not define who you are.

9. Not Going All In or Not Showing Up at 100%

Source: (See Imposter Syndrome) Lack of confidence. Fear of failure. Fear of success.

Symptoms: Hesitation. Underselling expertise. Lack of risk taking. Unconfident body language. Fidgeting and lack of focus in conversation.

Remedy: (See Imposter Syndrome Remedies) Get to Your Why. It goes back to your why? Why are you an entrepreneur? Why are you taking some safe risks, but not the necessary ones to grow? What are you really afraid of?

10. Not Charging the Appropriate Amount

Source: Fear of rejection. Getting into Client’s Story. Assumption of Value. Interpretation of Lower Value. Lack of Confidence.

Symptoms: Stating prices and then quoting lower. Assuming client doesn’t want to or can’t pay prices. Afraid of people saying no. Consistently take money off of the table before the negotiation has begun. Acknowledges they could be making more, but find it hard to ask.

Remedy: Set Your Prices, Value, and Rationale. This is where you let the facts run the show. Do your research, how much are your competitors charging and what is an appropriate rate? What value do you bring to the table (see your credibility exercise in Imposter Syndrome)? Now write down your rationale for each price. This is your new internal and external script. Until you know it by heart and believe it, you depend on it.

11. Investing in Tactics and Not Yourself or Business

Source: Belief in the Magical Pill. Immediate Gratification. Avoidance of Discomfort. Lack of Focus or a Plan.

Symptoms: Multiple purchases of “Get Rich Quick” or “Learn this Tactic” program, but fails to full implement or see results. Thousands of dollars have been spent, but not invested. Uses language like “If only I…” or “When this gets done, then I’ll be successful.” Frustration at lack of results. Blames others for lack of success.

Remedy: The Mirror. What is it that you’re avoiding that you’ve been needing to do in your business? What are you not taking care of within yourself or relationships? The issues we see in our business are a direct reflection of what we’re not managing internally. Take a deep hard look in the mirror and start asking for help.

12. Not Taking or Accepting Help

Source: (See DIYitis) Lack of trust. Fear of burdening others. Fear of disappointing others.

Symptoms: Overwhelmed. Low energy. Dejected. Feeling like a failure.

Remedy: Stock Your Shelves. Just like in a supermarket, you’re going to do an inventory check. What are you feeling low or out of supply in? Motivation, support, a hug? Note what you need and then look at your supplies. Who around you can support you in restocking your shelves? Reach out and ask for exactly what you need. I guarantee you’ve got a long line of people ready to help you!

13. Expecting Success to Come Easy with Minimal Effort

Source: Instagram-Insta-Success Stories. Comparison. Instant Gratification.

Symptoms: Lack of patience. Frustration at delays. Anger. Dejectedness. Impulsive decision making. Quick-fix program purchases.        

Remedy: Build Your Blueprint. What does success look like for you? How long will it really take to get there? What resources do you need to support it? What daily, weekly, monthly tasks do you need to support it? What’s your contingency plan if it doesn’t work out?

The Key to Successfully Overcoming Entrepreneurial Pitfalls

The key is to think on a longer timeline. You may have daily wins and challenges, but your business will hopefully have a longer shelf-life than 2 weeks. Patience is the key.

If you have overnight success, the bar gets set even higher next time and the chances of disappointment are even greater. Start smaller and build from there. Consistency, patience, and follow through are your best friends.

It’s not sexy, but neither is losing everything and living on your mom’s couch.

100 Days of Blogging: 7 Lessons Learned

The Tuesday after Labor Day, my boyfriend left for Barcelona for a week with his mom on their annual vacation. After getting over the initial funk of being left behind, I decided to take advantage of this new found free time.

It had been over a year since I wrote with real substance. I was on my way to finishing two books when it all came crashing down. A personal story I shared with a family member was passed along to other family members and blew up in my face. In retrospect, I was sharing my diary and that wasn't meant for anyone else's consumption. I always loved to write - even term papers in school. I would love to feel the slight resistance of the keys under my finger tips and got giddy watching the screen fill with words. I missed my old friend.

With a relatively open calendar, I decided to embark on a long-term challenge - write every day. What started as a 30-Day Blog Challenge quickly evolved into 100 days. People thought I was crazy or that I would quit. Like most people I lost interest pretty quickly in challenges, but this was different. This was an opportunity to spark my creativity, increase my accountability and share my thoughts and opinions.

I wrote about relationships, business, life hacks, time management and my dog. Whatever I was passionate about at the moment, I wrote it down. My workouts and walks soon became opportunities to brainstorm new topics. My friends and clients inspired advice-based posts. I saw the world and myself in a new way. I became a writer.

I can now say that my writer's block is resolved and I've created two e-books as a result of the blog with more on the way. I am comfortable in front of a keyboard and love writing again!

Here are the Blog Stats By the Numbers:

Total Word Count Over 100 days: 37,999 words (damn it, I just needed one more word for 38,000!)

Average Word Count Per Post: 379 words

Longest Blog: 977 words (http://laurenlemunyan.com/30dayblog/=/10-things-you-should-and-shouldnt-do-when-starting-a-business?rq=should%20and%20shouldn%27t)

Shortest Blog: 169 words (http://laurenlemunyan.com/30dayblog/=/6wzyipmv9tpwbp1ms05hqsq5mt71m3)

My Favorite Blog: http://laurenlemunyan.com/30dayblog/=/6wzyipmv9tpwbp1ms05hqsq5mt71m3

Most Read Blog: http://laurenlemunyan.com/30dayblog/=/10-things-you-should-and-shouldnt-do-when-starting-a-business?rq=should%20and%20shouldn%27t

This wasn't all fun and self-realization. I learned some hard lessons along the way. 

Lessons Learned

1)      Proofread Before Posting. My mind works faster than my fingers and at times I skip over words and “ings” or “ed.” I'm pretty sure each post had at least two errors in it, which my mom was happy to point out. I've since tried to go back through and fix the glaring errors. When posting every day, time is of the essence and in my opinion it doesn't need to be perfect to be done.

2)      I’m human. I make mistakes and if you judge me based on my spelling or grammatical errors, I challenge you to a 100-Day Blog Duel! Do you accept?? In all seriousness, human error is a real thing. I've learned to be more patient and less judgmental when I see errors in other people's work.

3)      Doing Something Every Day Can Be A Challenge, But Anything is Possible. Even with workouts and diet, I was never on every day. I actually thought I may have to skip a day or two, but fortunately I could plan out my week to schedule a post or two if I knew I was going to be busy. I love a good contingency plan! This was no exception.

4)      Not Everyone Cares That You’re Writing a Blog. Blogs are like opinions and podcasts (I have one of those too!), everyone has them and some are more in your face than others. It’s up to you what you decide to spend your time on. I hope I provided value, if not, then entertainment. On the same note, don't get wrapped up into the visits or reads of your post. I got more excited hearing from the one person who read a post and learned from it than the 200 people who read and said nothing.

5)      I Say I Won’t Do This Again, But We All Know It’s a Lie. This was a huge undertaking and I’m pretty tapped out from writing. I’ll take a break and reassess where I want to use my time and energy in the future. (2 Months Later.... I'm back at writing, but not as a daily practice or challenge.)

6)      Not Every Post is My Favorite, But They’re Mine. I guess blogging is like having a lot of kids. Some are cuter than others. Some help you. Some are jerks. Some you wish never happened, but they all come from you and for that you love them! (Can you tell I’m not a parent?) 

7)      I’m Capable of More Than I Think. Yes, I pushed myself and maxed out my energy. This was a challenge to break out of my judgment and restraint around writing. That has certainly been busted into a million pieces. I am a writer. I am a blogger. I am a coach. I am awesome.

I can’t believe this challenge is over. It’s bittersweet, which sounds so cliché. It’s been my weekend writing ritual and my morning posting routine. It’s been my outlet of expression and door to connect with others. It allowed me to take risks and say what was on my mind. It also left me wide open to judgment and criticism. It was a constant reminder to stay on my path, but also served as a distraction to other important aspects like self-care and focusing on core business practices.

It’s been a journey and I’m happy I took the first step. So here’s a giant high-five to me!

My 2018 Business Goals

Earlier today I designed a graphic for a client representing her dream life in 10 years. She's a public figure and wants to expand her reach into the media world. I immediately thought of designing her a magazine cover. It was awesome (she thought so too!). I sent it over and wondered why I hadn't done it for myself.

Like most inspirational tools I design, they are inspired by my clients. I actually really love developing visual tools to help them see their progress, goals, and ideal images. I've created an Ideal Leader, Ideal Client, Life Map, Value Compass and now 10-Year Dream Board Image.

So I designed myself one for 2018 with my goals. I'm going big, because why the hell not?! I'm big on setting intentions and sharing it with others. So if you're reading this and you want to be a part of me making big moves in 2018, you can get started in 2017!

Here is the image.

2018 Goals

1. Make it on a magazine cover

2. Known as "Spitting Some Fire" in my "Super Fucking Magical Coaching" and hosting "The SpitFire Podcast"

3. 25+ Paid Speaking Gigs

4. 15 Active Clients Per Month

5. 2 Published Books

6. The SpitFire Podcast is killing it in downloads and sponsorship

7. Ongoing referrals for Confidence and Leadership Training for Existing and Emerging CEOs

8. I live by the motto "If It's Not Fun, Why Do It?!

9. I am a catalyst of positive change

10. I help people take care of themselves, so they can take care of business.

11. Quadruple 2017 Revenue

Before 2018 is here, I'd love to see your goals. Feel free to post them in the comment section or email it to me lauren@laurenlemunyan.com

Three Questions That Will Change Your Life

Are you ready to find the holy grail of question asking to know what you should do? Yes? Are You Sure?

Hehe those were three questions, but not the questions that will change your life.

As a coach, we are trained to have a tool box of tactics and engaging questions to get our clients to think beyond the known and go to the untapped vault of creativity and imagination. We guide people through the self-imposed and externally position stress and judgment to open their eyes to what could be possible.

See if what you were doing was working for you, you wouldn’t be reading this blog and you probably wouldn’t be seeking external expertise (P.S. You’re super smart for doing that. The most awesome, smartest people in the world have coaches). So I’m going to key you into the most awesome grouping of questions to get your future-self-brainpower going.

Ready?

You sure? Because things aren’t that bad. You know what to expect. You know what’s going to happen and how you need to show up to get a desired outcome. It’s safe there.

What’s that? You don’t want to be the same? You don’t want to keep being small? You’re ready to live large and all out?

Okay! You’re ready!

Here are the questions:

1)      What Do You Want?

2)      Why Do You Want It?

3)      What Would Be Different If You Had It?

 Ta-daaaaaaaa!

Answer those questions and make it happen. It’s that easy! If it’s not doable, you most likely have some blocks to success called GAILs (Gremlins, Assumptions, Interpretations, and Limiting Beliefs). These guys are within all of us and with the proper coping strategies and tactics to leverage them, you too can have the life you dreamed of!

Misreading The Inner Critic’s Messages

The last six months have been awesome. Amazing clients I’ve never met before are finding me. I’m creating solid and consistent content. My business is growing.

You would think I would be floating with excitement. But I didn't.

Immediately following a talk I gave about confidence, I felt the floor slowly drop out from under me. At the end of the talk, I offered a group coaching program that I had custom built for the group. It was sassy and bold with all of the buzz words I thought this target audience would love. I had some interest and commitments that they would sign up later that day. But no one did.

I was tired and drained, which left the door wide open for my Gremlin to come in with his "words of wisdom".

 “How long can you keep this up?”

“You really think people want to work with someone like you?”

“You should just go back to your 9-5.”

“If you’re not making this much money, you should just give up.”

I listened and absorbed the messages I knew weren’t true. I must be a failure. Even after a brand-new client signed up and paid for a 3-month package, I couldn’t shake the feeling. The next day another new client signed on for three months. I felt happy for a moment, but the thoughts lingered.

It all started to shift after sitting in silence and really listening to the message. The messages were right, but I was hearing it wrong.

“How long can you keep this up?” = Take a rest, Lauren. You’re working really hard and deserve to take care of you.

“You really think people want to work with someone like you?” = Everyone is not for you and you are not for everyone. Look at these awesome new clients. This is where you should focus your energy.

“You should just go back to your 9-5.” = Maybe you should look at working more with existing corporations. I’m sure they would love to hear from you.

“If you’re not making this much money, you should just give up.” = Look at how far you’ve come in less than two years. You’ve done this all by yourself. You attract in abundance when you take care of yourself, so you should probably rest.

This is why it's super important to get out of your head. Whatever is swirling around, write it down and then come back to it when you're ready to assign it another value that works for you.

Why You Need an Awesome Shit List Journal

Dear Diary,

Everything sucks. My job sucks. Billy is a jerk. My dog hates me.  I feel fat. Nobody likes me. Everybody hates me. Guess I’ll go eat worms.

Why do all the bad things happen to me? Fix it diary!

Does your journal or notebook sound anything like that? Mine used to a couple years ago. I would dump all of my fear and worry onto those lines and hope that things would get better. Each day, I would open the pages and write another version of the same tune – life happening to me. I thought the venting and expression would help solve my problems, but the patterns persisted.

I needed a change, but didn’t know what to do.

Then I heard about gratitude journals – capturing the things I’m thankful for. Awesome. I can do this. I did it for a couple of months, but it still felt passive.

Then after a conversation, or two, or twenty with my boyfriend about being bummed out about a client not renewing or deals not clicking, he reminded me to focus on the awesome shit.

The light bulb went off. I needed a book solely focused on capturing my AWESOME SHIT. So I made myself one and custom made ones for my new clients with their names written in. The clients I started attracting became focused on making awesome shit happening and now they had a place to write about it.

I still journal and process the stories I need to work out, but I tend to throw those sheets away so it doesn’t linger.

I love my Awesome Shit List Journal and I love the look on the faces of people who receive them. If you’d like one for the holidays for yourself or a gift, you can pick them up here: www.laurenlemunyan.com/asljournals

The Four Tendencies and Why I'm Obsessed with Them

I am an avid fan of Gretchen Rubin ever since my mom handed me a copy of “The Happiness Project.” Her voice was flawed, gritty and real. She was my type of girl. Then I started listening to “The Side Hustle School” podcast, where the host mentioned he was on a book tour with Gretchen who had an awesome new book coming out… “The Four Tendencies.”

(Cue the Scoobie Doo sound)

I’ve been reading it and I won’t spoil all of the magical gems that you need to read about, be here is the teaser.

There are two types of expectations: internal and external. With those expectations, we either listen or reject them.

Say what?!?!

You mean to tell me everyone isn’t motivated by the same things?

That’s exactly what Gretchen Rubin is saying.

The Four Tendencies are:

The Upholder – driven by inner expectations, driven by outer expectations

The Rebel – resists inner expectations, resists outer expectations

The Questioner: driven by inner expectations, resists outer expectations

The Obliger: resists inner expectations, driven by outer expectations

If you can’t figure out when tendency you fit into, fear not, there is a quiz to help you determine it. Here is the link: https://gretchenrubin.com/take-the-quiz

That’s all I’m going to give you because I want you to read it and enjoy it as much as I am.

Why Your Mom Was Right: The 5-Second Rule to Getting Shit Done

The other day I was trying to motivate a friend, so I started counting down from 10. What ended up happening was I got motivated.

So I put a post on Facebook:

Of course I tagged my own mother, who explained " I think we just count because we’re trying not to lose our shit!" 

It seemed to work for some with kids falling in line before 2 was mentioned. Then there were the happy counters who loved counting with their parents and not understanding the undercurrent of approaching consequence.

After some fun banter, my friend KiKi mentioned Mel Robbins and The 5-Second Rule. I wondered what dropping food on the floor had to do with compliance, so I dug in and took a look. 

The 5-second rule is a tool for hyper-intentionality, action, and identifying moments in your life where there is tremendous opportunity and joy.  I'm super excited to read her book and try it out. If you're interested, check out the video from the TEDx talk:

Shower Time is the Best Time for Thinking and Forgetting

It’s time to hit the showers! No you aren’t in high school gym class, but you are about to cool off and refresh yourself. Ever notice how you have THE BEST ideas in the shower and then suddenly forget them? I feel your pain.

There is something about water that cleans off our bodies, but also clears out the funk and blocks in our head. The soothing temperatures and beads of water take us out of our every day hustle and bustle and allow us to tap into a momentary creative flow. Much like water flows, when there aren’t obstructions, it comes on the ready.

I have come up with my best ideas in the shower, but then I seem to forget if I remembered to wash my hair. Yep, it’s happened at least 10 times and it ain’t pretty.  In my research for this article, I actually stumbled upon a Shower Meditation – yes it does exist, but you’re not actually in a shower.

According to a study on creativity in the book Explaining Creativity: The Science of Human Innovation, we have our “Aha” moments when we’re doing mindless activities.

“In creativity research, we refer to the three Bs—for the bathtub, the bed and the bus—places where ideas have famously and suddenly emerged. When we take time off from working on a problem, we change what we're doing and our context, and that can activate different areas of our brain. If the answer wasn't in the part of the brain we were using, it might be in another. If we're lucky, in the next context we may hear or see something that relates—distantly—to the problem that we had temporarily put aside.”

So whether it’s a bathtub or shower, I have the sure fire way to avoid forgetting your great ideas.

Ladies and gentleman… drum roll… the Shower Whiteboard. Now you can write down your ideas without having to dry off and grab a pen and paper. For less than 8 bucks, I’m going to get me 4!

So scrub-a-dub and get your Aha on!

What I’m Thankful for This Thanksgiving

I am thankful every day, but on this day, I want to give a special shout out to the awesome people in my life who support, inspire, and hold me accountable. Yes, I’m naming names.

1)      My Mom – She’s an amazing example of resilience, power and resilience. In addition to being raised by her, she’s an amazing reminder to keep my head up and fail forward. I am grateful for our sound boarding and nonsense-checking phone calls.

2)      My Boyfriend – Yep I’m going to get sappy. He’s one of the most hardworking and talented musicians I know. His direct and loving feedback has inspired me to only focus on my collective awesome shit and to lessen the blow of a no or a not yet. He has opened my creative floodgates with getting on stage and feeling fearless in front of hundreds of people. We also have the most killer handshake.

3)      My Friends – Holy shit the friends I’ve accumulated! There’s my friend and neighbor, Tish, who has not only been an amazing emotional support, but has also been a Fairy Dog Mother to my dog Rico Suave.  My oldest friend, Jenna, who after 20 years still laughs and cries with me on our hour-long calls. My super talented friends Debra and Kimberly, who have challenged and supported me to a higher standard of sound and visual expression among so much more. The SocialPreneurs, who every two weeks fill my heart and brain with resources and support to be bigger than what I am. The Monday Night Potluck Crew, who fills my belly with food each week and then makes me laugh it out.

4)      My Clients – 2 years ago I had one client. Today I have 10 and am so inspired by their vulnerability, courage and passion to living a kick ass life. I’m honored to be their coach and so thankful that they believe in me.

5)      Last, but not least, I’m thankful for Me.  I am thankful I didn’t give up when things got tough. I am thankful that I have attracted in such awesome souls. I am thankful that I chose the better and challenging life over the easy. I am thankful I keep trying and pick myself up and do it again if it doesn’t work. I am thankful that I believe and trust in myself.