Episode 154: From Period to Pause with Amanda Laden

Does talking about periods and menopause make you uncomfortable? Then you'll definitely want to listen to today's episode with Amanda Laden. We're diving into the shame/blame game in the healthcare industry and putting a spotlight on how women and especially women in marginalized communities are being ignored, misdiagnosed, and put in life-threatening situations. You don't want to miss this honest and necessary conversation - from Period to Pause.

--- About Amanda Laden ---

Amanda is the Founder & CEO of Amanda Laden International, a Strategy Consultancy with a mission to help fast-growing businesses develop growth strategies, align leadership and identify market opportunities for change. Amanda is passionate about helping entrepreneurs and businesses to acquire fresh insights, answer critical business questions, and innovate and accelerate business outcomes. Helping business owners realize their entrepreneurial capacity and dreams runs in Amanda’s DNA and passion for helping others.

Amanda also holds a Diploma in Wines & Spirits and lives her passion as the Founder of The VinoKarma Project, a concept that brings people together through unique events and experiences over food and wine with the goal of creating community, connection, and change. Her recent events include an exclusive interview with 2020 TIME Person of the Year, Professor Ibram X. Kendi, author of How To Be An Antiracist.

At The VinoKarma Project, Amanda and her team also work with organizations in the beverage industry to create sustainable change across three core pillars: 1) diversity, equity, inclusion, and representation 2) innovation 3) social impact. In addition, Amanda has led teams on 5 continents and traveled to over 40 countries. She loves all things relating to food, culture, and travel, especially when wine is involved. When not supporting her quest to find the perfect glass of wine, in her spare time, you can find Amanda dancing on stages with the likes of Seal, Keith Sweat, and Carlos Santana.

https://www.linkedin.com/in/amandaladen/

www.amandaladen.com

www.vinokarma.com

Bonus: From Referee to Coach: How to Take Your Feuding Team Across the Finish Line

Recording from February 22nd Webinar.

““That was an awesome Webinar. I took copious notes and learned so much from you. Thank you again for the analogy of the referee and the coach, the pros and cons to each, and how we can guide people with compounding stress in the workplace. Fantastic resource!!”
”

— Webinar Attendee

Episode 153: The Painful Truth with Dr. Stacy

Need a reset before the new year?

Before you start writing out your goals and resolutions, take a listen to today's episode with Dr. Stacy Mobley and hear what you really should be focusing on as you move forward.

Episode 152: Relaunching from a Performance Improvement Plan

In today's episode, hear about how a client went from being in fear of losing their job to exceeding expectations and propelling a project forward in just four weeks.

Lauren shares the keys to unlocking confidence at work even when you're under an HR microscope.

Episode 151: Intentionally Design Your Life in 30 Minutes

Wish you could have more opportunities, more abundance, more success in your life? In today's podcast, Lauren shares her daily practice and framework for intentionally designing her business and life. It's what's led to her doubling revenue in her best year with less stress and effort.

Episode 150: Lauren Answers Psychological Safety Questions from Risk Summit

Lauren answers questions submitted during her presentation on Psychological Safety for the Nonprofit Risk Summit.

"How can you have psychological safety if you don't have trust, specifically with a supervisor?"

"I've had other Executives tell me that only the oppressed can help the oppressed, which I can see as valid to a certain extent, but I disagree. Thoughts?"

Episode 149: The Magical Joy of Poo

Today we are talking about a very serious topic, one that happens to all of us. That's right, today we are talking about poop.

We're talking about poop because poo happens to everyone in life. And when we can acknowledge it, it allows us to have a less stressed environment and day and it allows us to handle conflict and high friction situations.

Now, poo at its form at the purest form is a waste product. It's a waste byproduct. It's the things that don't work for us, that compound in our intestines and our colon.

I don't need to give you the biology lesson, but I want to use it more as a metaphor because it can help you offload that stress in dealing with things that don't go away and when dealing with uncertainty and to give you a little more joy and levity.

I shared this with my client and I think I might have mentioned this in past episodes. My client was bound very tightly and he used to get very set off in traffic situations. If someone didn't use a turn signal, if someone cut him off, if someone was driving too slow in the left lane, he would be so frustrated.

I said to him, “Well, I want you to imagine that the other person has to poop really bad, really bad. And that is the reason why they're driving so erratically.”

He stopped in his tracks and started laughing. The mere thought of someone having to rush to the bathroom was more than he could deal with.

In this instance we created a shared human experience. So whether or not the story is true doesn't really matter; what mattered was his energy was preserved.

You don't have to get into the other person's story to make up your own one that works for you. Imagine the other person doing the behavior you don't deem appropriate or creating conflict and inconvenience and add a poop element.

If someone is doing being inconsiderate and they cut in front of someone in the grocery store line, imagine saying to yourself (don't do this out loud)
Wow, that person really has to poop. And that's why you need to go in front of me.”

This allows you to not take it personally.

It allows you to have a little fun with it. Now, imagine that you've had a not so great encounter. This is the next evolution of thinking someone has to poop.

I want you to imagine that you are a monkey in the wild and someone has really irked you. I want you to imagine that you are the monkey, and you are throwing your poo at the other person.

What does that feel like?

Now don't actually throw poop because you can get into a lot of trouble, and it's really gross. But the visual of you just like I'm gonna throw my poo at you, it's funny, right?

I mean, poo is just one of these things that it's fun to say. It makes your face contort, and it's really funny. And it allows you to feel like your animalistic self.

You're defending yourself with the only thing you know how to do: grabbing your poo and shoving it in their face or throwing it at them. You know, you got to do what works. Otherwise, you can be in your own shit.

You are literally creating your own shit by not having a way to offload this frustration, this friction. So the way to offload that emotional byproduct is to actually have a process and a system to use it.

Where are you going to put it? Do you want to put it over there? Cool. Do you want to flush it down? Awesome. You want to throw it at somebody? That's up to you.

So poo is your friend. We can love poo. Oh poo, I love Pooh bear. Oh, wait, is Pooh bear Winnie the Pooh? Is he really about poop? Oh no. It just totally blew my mind.

Anyway, I want you to think about where you can add in these little comedic reminders as you're dealing with high-stress or frustrating situations where you typically lose your cool or feel annoyed at everyday life.

Where can you incorporate little Pooh sayings? It's like little turds. Oh my god, I can't believe I'm talking about this on a podcast. But this is great.

So, where can you drop some potty wisdom and comedy to lighten your day? So someone is bugging you? Where can you incorporate a little poo reference?

See how that goes. I swear I know that sounds ridiculous. But I promise you it works. I've heard from multiple clients actually just talked about it on a client session about stepping in poo being filled with poo. Being backed up with poo, smearing it, and throwing it wrong like inner five roads.

You ever noticed that kids like you know when you're toddlers, you realize the power of poo and like they wipe it on the walls? There is power, so use it. I mean, don't actually use it. Use the figurative poo. Be like Winnie the Pooh and share the joy of poo.

I hope this was helpful, if not a little ridiculous, and maybe it made you giggle a little bit.

Episode 148: How to Actually Relax on Vacation (and not dread coming back)

The final days of summer are upon us, I don't know what happened in August, but it was like I snapped my fingers and magically, summer just started speeding up.

We've all had a lot going on. Some days felt like they lasted an eternity, but now it feels like we're losing summer. But before we cry ourselves to sleep longing for sunshine, let’s talk about vacation.

Today we’re talking about taking a vacation and coming back rested and recharged. I cannot tell you how many of my clients do not know how to do this.

Episode 147: Making Decisions in Uncertainty

Today we are talking about how to make a decision when things feel uncertain. If you have been alive in the last year and a half, many things have been uncertain. This is what we call V.U.C.A, and that stands for volatile, uncertain, complex, and ambiguous now; you don't need to have all four to be in a V.U.C.A environment.

Here's the thing, we have all been living in some form of this uncertainty. We questioned whether we'd have access to a vaccine. We experienced the volatility of people's emotions during the election and after. We agonized over the complex decisions of who to see and who not to see.

We wondered if we were going back to work or staying at home? We struggled with juggling childcare. We worried about financial issues.

When information is limited, things become vague and unknown. So how do we make decisions when so much is unknown?

Episode 146: Being in Integrity

Today, we are talking about a word that has been coming up this week. I have been rereading "The Big Leap.” If you have not gotten a copy of this, I highly recommend it if you have not sunk your teeth into this masterpiece by Gay Hendricks. It is a great read. There are so many nuggets. If you've ever heard someone mentioned the zone of genius or upper limiting that comes from here. The theme that we're talking about today is integrity.

I wanted to come back to this because, in his book, he talks about integrity breaches. And this is when we bring ourselves down. When we're feeling levels of success beyond what we think we deserve, we kind of do things we have behaviors that challenge it. So it can be related to lies, broken agreements, withheld truths. And we're aware of them. Because we feel that conflict. And I have been looking within myself, and I've been seeing it with my clients. And when they're feeling these feelings of friction of conflict of avoidance of not feeling great. It's when they're not acting in integrity. And integrity is integral to who we are. So this is beyond just, you know, a moral code of religion or our culture or family beliefs. This is something very internal. So if we aren't aligned and are in conflict with our wants, needs, and values, then we aren't in integrity.

If you heard the podcast episode that I did with Cornelia, she mentioned a quote from one of our friends in the groups we belong to about when the audio and the visual don't match up. And I said, you know, if what you say in what you do aren't aligned, then we have friction, we have misalignment, and it breaks down trust and ultimately respect. And so, if you think of moral code, that's a judgment. But if you think of integrity, it's really based on alignment on things lining up and being whole and complete.

I want to give a quote here from the book:

"To be out of integrity means a breach in your wholeness had occurred, there was a gap in your completeness, thinking of integrity as a physics issue gives you a much more practical tool than regarding it simply as a moral issue. Morality is about good and bad, right and wrong, all of which are highly arguable. Physics is about what did and didn't happen."

So if we think about morality, judgment, binary, binary, remember, we've talked about this, of when things are in a binary situation, it's right or wrong, good or bad? Yes. And no, then we are in this place of absolute extreme. It's this, or it's that. It doesn't give us an option to be anything but all this or all that.

We know that that will lead to a stress reaction where there's a lot of judgment and things that we've talked about. But when we talk about integrity, it's more based, in fact, so what is and what isn't. So did something occurs, or did something not happen? It's not up for debate. It is, or it isn't. And so you have to look within yourself about what does acting in integrity mean to you? Take some time with this. I just had a session with someone. And the word integrity felt like a neon billboard just flashing, flashing, and I kept asking, how does this show up with integrity for you? How does this behavior align with your integrity or not? And they were dancing around it the whole time. And I realized, oh, if you can't even answer what integrity is for yourself, then you can't possibly be feeling like you're in integrity.

To explore that, you can go deeper into your values. For example, what value feels like it's in integrity or out of integrity? Why does it feel in or out of integrity? Or when you show up fully aligned with this value when you're honoring it? What does it look like? And when it doesn't show up, what is it?

I had to get into integrity this morning and make a tough decision about whether or not to work with a client. I realized this is really important to me. I do my best work when people are ready to do the work, when people are being honest with themselves when they're ready to see what's really happening, when they're ready to take the hard look, when they're ready to do the work, when they're ready to be uncomfortable.

I realized that this client was not ready to do that, and I couldn't do the work for them. So I ended up referring out and saying, "This isn't for me."

There are going to be a lot of hard decisions in order to act in integrity, they're going to be some uncomfortable decisions, but they are necessary. And so this shows up when we have those “difficult conversations” and we get nervous.

Before entering into these conversations, I want you to be really clear with yourself about what integrity looks like in the situation? What does being out of integrity look like? And it doesn't matter how the other person responds; it has to do with how you feel about yourself, even if the other person isn't going to be happy with you. Even if you may get an adverse reaction, you have to ultimately wake up with yourself, go to bed with yourself, look at yourself in the mirror and say, I honored this value, I honored myself, I earned my integrity, or I didn't. And the people who aren't acting integrity feel it. It shows up in so many different ways.

There are so many self-sabotaging behaviors. Whether it's overeating, over-consuming alcohol, drugs, negative self speak, getting involved with toxic people and behaviors, over-staying in dysfunctional relationships. If we aren't acting in integrity, we are signaling that we don't act in integrity, and we're opening the floodgates for people who want to take advantage of that. We're saying it's okay to do it.

So it starts today by being very clear about what that looks like and making small, subtle, and consistent shifts to behaviors that align with our future vision. For me, it was saying, you know what, we can't work together anymore. This doesn't work. This doesn't work for my business.

It's about making active choices for the life you want to live and how you want to feel.

Start with the question, "What does acting in integrity look like and what do I need to really reinforce it?"

Again, I highly recommend The Big Leap. Pick it up, read it front to back. I'm reading it for like the third time right now. Maybe I'll learn something again. There's always something to learn reread the good books.

I hope this has been helpful. I hope that you are feeling in integrity right now and you are feeling super empowered. This is about more self-awareness, to help really hone in on who you are, what to focus on, and feel even more empowered and awesome!

Episode 145: Unpacking Your Story

Today, we are talking about unpacking your internal story. Your internal story is very critical, lots of judgment behind it, seemingly in a self protective way, you can just call the inner critic, the Gremlin. When we are doing scary things is usually when it makes an appearance.

When we are trying new things when there's a lot of uncertainty. Our brain kicks in these messages, because it's trying to keep us safe. It's trying to make sure that we don't take big risks, we don't get ourselves hurt. And I forgot what the study is. But essentially, our internal belief systems are set up from the time that like, essentially, once we hit seven, we've absorbed all of these beliefs that then become our, our truth, as you will. So it becomes this lens that we see the world through. And you know, I'm 37. So 30 years later, what are the stories? What are the belief systems that I'm carrying through from me being five, six and seven. And so if we don't check those, then we're essentially living out of the fear of our childhood self.  

I want you to imagine that you are looking at your belief systems out on the table. So you know, whether it's don't try new things, it's too scary, or I'm always going to fail. Or if I fail, I'm going to disappoint people, or new is scary, or people are trying to hurt me. Put it out on the table. Imagine they're in like little jars. Within the jars are kind of nuggets of judgment, there's like little pebbles of judgment there are some nuggets of truth. So you know, risk does exist. Or there could be scary people out there. But then there's also these elements that you have learned as an adult, there are things that you have built resilience around. So if you've been around risk and you've gotten through, then you have really worked up your resilience muscle, you have learned skills, you've had experiences that may contradict that. And so what we can do with this jar, and I'm making this analogy up as I go, so bear with me. So if we take this jar, and we dump it out on the table, we can then sift through where the judgment is showing up and where the actual truth is, and also what is true for now. So that belief system, there may be one pebble of truth that we want to take with us. And we may want to leave the judgment behind. But I want you to ask yourself, the question, when you're thinking about the story that you're operating with, when you get scared, is if judgment couldn't exist.

What's true about the story, I'm telling myself? If judgment can't exist, what's true about this story? And this became the lightbulb for my client this morning because she had a lot built up around not disappointing people about not showing up not being acceptable, not being the best, not being perfect.

And the reality is when things are uncertain and unknown, number one, perfection does not exist, but there's too much that's unclear to even have a plan or pathway forward. So if judgment can exist, then she is showing up with ideas with openness, empathy with curiosity. And she will do her best with what she has. The truth is, risk can sometimes be scary. The reality is, she actually thrives in stress, she thrives in risk. She thrives in building new plans and new strategies and solutions. But when her ego kicks over, when that inner critic kicks over, it paralyzes her. And so she starts to dance around the topic, instead of saying, here's what's important to me, here's what my needs are. Here's what I want to do. What does that look like for you? So when we make the story up, about us feeling like we have to have the right answer, like we have to be in control, like we have to get it right, it prevents us from creating the space to have dialogue to have the connection with the other person. So where's the door opening that you can allow someone to say, Yeah, I hear what you're saying. And here's what works for me, this is the shift to shared agreements versus I have an expectation, and what's worse, I have an unspoken expectation that you need to meet. And that's where the control thing comes in. It's like, I'm just gonna keep micromanaging and gripping this, when the reality is, we just want the best for ourselves, for the project for other people. And we want to create peace, we want to create ease, we want to create flow. But when the ego pops in, when the inner critic pops in, it's trying to default to these old protective methodologies, processes and frameworks. And so the simplest way to resolve this is to get back to what's most important. So if you haven't done this exercise, I know that I'm like a broken record on it, but I don't care. I'm going to keep doing it. 

What is most important to you? And why is it important? If you jump into the “How do I fix this”? How do I make this better? How does this work? You are in a stress reaction. And you can try to disagree with me all you want. But that's your ego talking, it's gonna fight you. The simplest way to do it is to take a deep breath when you notice that you're jumping into a How do I fix this? That's the story coming in. Acknowledge it's a story. What is true about this? Now, what is not true about this? What is important for me right now and why is it important? And how do I focus on that, the How comes last, and the How will become so much clearer, it will emerge, because you've allowed it to process fully with enough information. If you jumped to how without a clarity around what and why, then it just becomes a circling around tactic, you're going to just keep circling around the airport, you're not actually going to know where to land. But what is important, why it creates the target, it creates a pinpoint, a milestone that we're aiming for. And that's really what our brain wants, it wants direction, it wants to know what its job is. So we have to give it a job. So the way to do it is to first take a deep breath. Notice where there's tension, notice where there's friction for my client this morning, it was in her stomach. And then it was in her brain. So when she felt the brain race happening, it was almost like I think, so she had to take a breath. And I told her, she's not allowed to do any processing or thinking until that sensation goes away. So there is a level of discipline. And this is actually where control comes in, where you can feel like you're driving things forward. But you need to be aware, have that self awareness in the mind body connection, to Breathe it out, to then create a different pathway and process and framework. Because if we don't, if we're in this autopilot, our default is going to be the stress reaction.

So know that once you know you can't unknow but now, let me not use but and now you have a responsibility to shift things once you notice it. So notice it, do something about it, shift it. But if we ignore it, then it becomes the cycle. And it starts to really become a story that gets really deep and painful. Like we end up having a physical response to it. And this is where resentment builds up. So we have these patterns, we have these buttons that get pushed. And this is how we start to offload them. This is how we start to rebuild a new narrative that actually works for us. So first, What are the stories put them on the table? Where is the judgment? And if judgment couldn't exist? What would be true about that story? What's most important to you? Why is it important? And how do you honor that value? super simple. You can do it. I believe in you. Let me know how it goes. 

And until next time, y'all keep being awesome.

Episode 144: Love and Leadership with Cornelia Shipley

What's love got to do, got to do with leadership?

Apparently a lot!

In today's episode with International Best Selling Author and Entrepreneur, Cornelia Shipley of 3C Consulting, we're diving into what it really takes to enter into a partnership and how ill-equipped most of us actually are entering into marriage and  leadership.

Check out Cornelia on Twitter, LinkedIn, Instagram and Facebook @corneliashipley

Episode 143: How to Make Friends as an Adult

Making friends as an adult can feel like an impossible task, especially if you’re not an extrovert. Before you go and take an ad out in the paper, take a listen to today’s episode to determine who and when to let in new friends.

Episode 142: How to Stop Being a People Pleaser

Do you constantly put people’s needs before your own? Are you tired of coming last on the list of priorities? Today's episode walks you through the steps you need to take to stop coming in last and start making active decisions for your future vision.

Episode 141: Changing Your Relationship with Time

What is your relationship with time? 

How do you talk about time? 

Don’t think it matters?

Give this episode some time and explore how the way you view time can open up new availability. 

On today’s show, Lauren dives into the ERA Reset method to help you understand how much of your available time is going to be productive. 

It’s time to become besties with your time!

Episode 140: Why You Need to Stop Saying You’re Fine

Today’s episode gives us time to reflect on how we truly feel vs. what ends up coming out of our mouths. A lot of us are so used to just saying we’re “fine” to avoid getting into hard conversations about our true self that we sometimes make an effort to silence just to adapt. But what would happen if we could let ourselves be seen? Would it really be that catastrophic?

Are you ready to not be fine?

Episode 139: The Dark Side of Servant Leadership

I see so many people, like putting up this placard of what kind of leader they are. The reality is, we are not all one way all the time.

So what happens when you go all in as a Servant Leader?

Episode 138: Getting Back Out There

In today’s episode, we’re exploring what it means to see our new reality from a different perspective. People have been slowly going back to the way things used to be, coming from over a year of self quarantining, but is it really possible to be the same?

We’ve been living with a lot of restrictions that kept us safe, that kept us healthy, and now we all need to understand other people’s mindset before interacting with them, not everyone goes at the same pace, and that’s okay, listen, be patient, and respect others.

Episode 137: Expectations v. Agreements

Do you know the difference between Expectations and Agreements?

Do you use them interchangeably?

On today’s episode we’re talking about the differences and underlying meanings in the two words. We’re unpacking the underlying energy and assumptions and what you can do to be more intentional and deliberate in your communication. 

Episode 136: The Power of Forgiveness

They say that some people are in your life for a reason or a season.

This past year has caused many of our friendships and relationships to go in unexpected directions. Some of us have parted ways, while others have gotten closer. So how do we respond to that growth and change?

Today we’re talking about forgiveness and what it actually takes to release and heal past relationships.