Relationships: Are You Setting People Up to Fail?

Where is your bar when it comes to relationships? Do you set it high hoping people will meet you there? Do you set it low because you don’t want to be disappointed? Do you have a bar or are you sitting at one drinking away your relationship problems?

No matter where you are today, this is your time to pause and look at how you’re managing your relationships at home, in the office and romantically.

Let’s start with the first option: The High Bar Setters

You see the best in people and want them to see it too. One of my clients is this way. He brings people on board and has great hopes for their potential with the company. In a few weeks or months, unfortunately, they don’t meet his bar and he’ll get disappointed, frustrated or angry. They’re left feeling confused and concerned about where they stand.

What’s missing? Clear expectations, communication and a safe place to discuss issues and concerns. When people start at the top, there is nowhere to go but down.

What can change? Be realistic about what you’re expected and communicate it clearly. Be open to feedback and pushback if those expectations are out of reach. If you’ve been disappointed in the past based on a high bar, pull back and look at what is the bare minimum, mid line and ideal outcome. Most will be in the mid line and that’s great. It gives people room to grow.

Next Up: The Low Bar Setters

You’ve been disappointed in the past. People have let you down when you’ve expected them to come through. People don’t keep their word. Everyone will fail so you give them the least amount of responsibilities possibly to screw up.

What’s missing? Trust. Opportunity two prove people wrong. Even if people want to do a good job, you don’t trust that it will last. You may hold back talent from making your organization or life better. They want to help you, but you aren’t in a place to accept it.

What can change? By delegating small tasks and allowing people to build trust, you can slowly release the control and fear. You need to trust your intuition and know when people mean what they say. If there has been past trauma, you may need to work with a professional to resolve these issues if this becomes a habitual pattern.

Finally: The Mid-Zoners

You meet people where they are and have a clear idea of their skill set and areas needing further development. You know that everyone isn’t perfect and people will make mistakes, but may not always correct the habit or behavior.

What’s missing? An action plan of future progression. If you see the areas of growth for others, work with the to create a collaborative action plan for development. It’s imperative that you are a teammate and not a commander barking out orders. This isn’t an us v. them situation, but a we all win when we work towards our goals together.

What can change? Your approach. Tone is everything. Even though you accept people for where they are, you know that growth is needed. By keeping the conversation open, you can be a better resource for when people are ready for recommended changes.

Where do you think you are on this range with relationships?

An Introduction to Intuition

We are all intuitive. That jolt of a feeling that inherently knows something. You can feel it in your heart and your gut. It’s your first impulse or thought. It knows everything without having to tell you.

If we’re so keyed into knowing everything we need to know, why do we keep fumbling through life? Short answer – we’re too smart for our own good. We have these amazing brains that have stored experiences, risks, reactions, stories, judgments, and observations since the day we were born (maybe even conceived). Our brain is our master computer and its job is to tabulate the “logical” facts it’s stored.

Ever had a thought that seemed amazing and terrifying at the same time, but talked yourself out of it within five minutes? That was your brain taking over your gut. You probably followed what your brain told you because it provided you with all the evidence you needed to convince yourself not to take the risk.

Your brain sounds like kind of a jerk. Just kidding. Your brain is doing its job – to keep you safe. Any thought, decision or action outside of your normal behaviors is seen as a risk or stress. Your brain is there to maintain homeostasis – or normalcy. It shoots signals for hormones and muscle responses, but it also creates stories that don’t exist all with the same intention – to keep you safe.

So how do you tap into your intuition without having your brain sabotage it?

1)      Sit in Silence – No music or distractions. Start with five minutes and then add another 5 each week. Observe what comes up. At first it will be fear based because your brain is like WTF give me something to do! It will bring up messages you’ve been trying to avoid, but your job is to sit with it and really listen to what’s being said. After your time is up, capture what came up in a journal.

2)      Capture Your Intuitive Thoughts – When you have an idea that shoots up, write it down immediately. I use my phone’s note section. Our great ideas come as quickly as they leave, so make sure you write it down. It also prevents your brain from taking over and reconstructing the idea when it sits in your head.

3)      If Your Brain Starts Taking Over, Ask for The Keys – Sometimes our brain gets drunk with power and we need to take the keys before it hurts someone or something. You know what this feels like, the crazy train of worst case scenarios that flood in. Take the wheel and put your brain in the back seat. This also means disengaging from the thought which could include journaling or sitting in silence.

4)      Reduce Your Judgement and Trust Your Gut – Your intuition is at its best when it can live in a judgment free zone. Trust is the best way to create this. Think of your intuition as a cute little puppy who only wants to make you smile and serve you. Cuddle up with your intuition and be sure to give it positive reinforcement.

I love intuition. It increases creativity, efficiency and productivity. It allows me to connect directly to clients and get to the root of their issues and navigate towards a plan of action. When both parties are operating on an intuitive level, it’s like magic.

Want to Make Money? Stop Giving It Away for Free!

Why would you buy the cow if you get the milk for free?

Yes, I’m calling you a cow. Now that we’ve addressed that, your services and products are your milk. You create it, you provide it to others, and you may expect something in return. It could appreciation, but I’m guessing you’d like to be compensated for your goods. So why do you keep giving your milk away?

I met with a client yesterday who was feeling the stress around not making enough money for her business in the physical therapy industry.  She was busy and had clients, but something wasn’t working.

So, I asked her to walk me through her business development and marketing strategy. We talked about her ideal clients and how she reaches them. She mentioned working with a running group where she provides on-track advice and training. “So how much does that bring in to your business?” I asked.  “Well, nothing.” She admitted.

She acknowledged that for all of the time, effort and knowledge she shared, she hadn’t brought in a single client or made any money from the group.

So what was the issue?

She didn’t create demand. Because she was showing up every week for her ideal clients and giving advice and answering questions, she was creating convenience while giving away her expertise for free.

I asked her, “If you had a farmer drop off a basket of eggs every week to your house, would you go his farm and buy the chicken?”

Light bulb.

By showing up consistently and providing her services without cost, she trained her ideal clients to not think about paying. Her strategy of hoping and assuming they would become clients clearly wasn’t working.

Here is her newly adjusted strategy:

1)      Reduce Frequency – Instead of showing up on a weekly basis, she is shifting to once a month. By reducing her time on the track, she is increasing the demand for her time.

2)      Get Them in the Office – You can provide value outside of the office, but to fully service her clients, she needed her tools and space to fully assess and treat her clients.

3)      Schedule Real Time Appointments – With her online scheduling system, she has the ability to schedule sessions by phone. By providing real time customer service, it reduces the risk of delay or forgetting to make an appointment and increases efficiency in the time needed to follow up.

4)      Believe in Your Value – We discussed her pricing strategy and she talked out her pitch and the perceived value of pricing. By being confident in value proposition, she can confidently recommend in-office treatment instead of creating an on-site solution (for free).

The Facebook Diet

A few weeks ago, I started working with a new client. She’s an independent business owner who loves details and staying informed. Unfortunately, her primary source was a Facebook group that took her down a “rabbit hole” or scrolling. Two hours later she would emerge only to feel frustrated and more frazzled about her lack of understanding and productivity.

In order to create more structure and boundaries around her social media usage, I asked her what the ideal amount of time was to spend on each platform. She acknowledged that after 15-minutes, she was done with her updates and communication. Here is her custom Facebook Diet:

1)      Two 15-minute Sessions on Facebook

2)      Timer Starts at Log In

3)      Usage Stops on Alarm or Before

4)      Unused Time Cannot Be Banked or Applied to Other Sessions

5)      Session Times Tracked on a Shared Google Sheet

As someone who enjoys structure and rules, she loved this process. On the first day she only spent a combined four minutes on the Facebook group. The next day was 12. I asked her for feedback on the process after the third day.

“No rabbit holes! I’m focused and engaged in my business. I use the Facebook group to note any topics I need to research later.”

What she found was that after the core awareness, the scrolling became distracting chatter that no longer added value. If a topic was important, others would comment, and the post would make its way to the top of the page.

Today I shared this tactic with another client who was struggling with the time-sucking effects of Facebook. She loved the idea and is starting today. Her one addition to the Facebook Diet is that she starts on her business page and will only check the flagged alerts and messages on her personal page. She is also removing the Facebook app from her phone, but adding the Facebook Business app.

If you’re needing a little more structure around your social media. Try this or customize it to your business functions.

If you're wondering why we didn't pull social media all together, we agreed that these platforms are critical for promotion, connection and education when used appropriately. The Facebook Diet is not a punishment, but a reorganization of time and priorities.

DIY Video Suggestions & Lessons Learned

As I dabble into the world of do-it-yourself videos, I wanted to share my recommendations and lessons learned. My videos aren’t perfect, but after looking back on what I used to make when I first started, I’m pretty damn proud of myself.

How are you going to take video?

If you have a smart phone you’re in good shape. I started with my Canon T5i, but found the set up with tripod and external microphone was way to labor intensive for video quality that was comparable to what I got from my camera.

If you’re using PowerPoint, feel free to use Zoom. It’s a great option to sync your audio and visual in one. Make sure your computer camera and microphone options are good.

How are you going to shoot your video?

You could just use your phone as is, but you’ll also need something to stabilize the shot. I’ve seen Youtube videos where people use books. You want to test that the angle is flattering. Also make sure that you have clear light. The darker it is, the more pixilated you become.

If you don’t want to go the book method, I use a flex tripod that I set up on my desk, on a step stool or on the top of my computer. It’s about $25 bucks on Amazon in a kit that includes a selfie-stick, remote and a couple of lenses. I only use the remote and stand. It definitely does an amazing job for the price. Side note: I had to have the tripod replaced twice after the legs came off – which the company did for free and they let me know the manufacturing error has been resolved.

If you want a clearer sound, you can do a lapel mic for cheap.

I went with an external microphone that plugs into my iPhone. It’s a bit pricey, but I really enjoy the range of pick up I can change and wind reduction option if I’m filming outside.

How are you going to edit your video?

Unless you are a magician at timing and perfectly polished on screen in one take, I highly recommend getting comfortable with editing software. If you have an iPhone or Mac, you’ll have iMovie included. It’s great for quick edits, text overlays, fade in and out. If you have Fred Flintstone thumbs or want more options, I recommend Wondershare Filmora. It’s about $60 to purchase, but well worth it. You can download a free trial before you commit. Make sure you play around with it before purchasing. If you need more instruction, they have tutorials on their website.

Creating your video

Make sure you export it at the highest quality so all of your hard work can shine. If you’re uploading it to Facebook, save your movie to your desktop and then upload it. I’m not sure what happens between your phone and Facebook, but it loves to lower the resolution of your videos.

General Tips

1)      Create a Script Before Starting

2)      Break Up Your Talking Points – Piece together as needed in editing

3)      Mix Up Your Angles for Visual Interest

4)      Design the Space Behind You with Interesting Items or Layers

5)      Include Subtitles when Possible – Some people don’t listen to videos with the volume on

6)      Be Kind and Patient to Yourself – This will take longer than you think

7)      Have Fun! People connect with smiles and an engaging presence.

Music and Background Noise: Motivation or Distraction?

Growing up I was convinced that having the TV on in the background helped me focus. I could whip up a paper with Maury Povich blaring in the background.

“I am 2000% sure he is the baby’s father.”

“You are NOT the father.”

It was almost as if I used the chaos to compartmentalize the task at hand. I used this tactic for ten years outside of school while I worked at home. Maybe it was a replacement for co-workers or boredom. I thought it was an effective strategy until I stepped back and observed my energy.

While I got the work done, I felt drained and tired. What used to be my catalyst was now my energy leach. The battle between stimulation took its toll by 2pm and made me want to take a siesta or eat crappy food.

Now as a self-employed business owner, I need all of the energy and motivation I can get, so I’ve been working on new methods to maintain my productivity and reduce distractions.

My first step was getting rid of the cable box. This was traumatic. I was a reality tv addict especially with Bravo. I couldn’t tell you how many days I’ve wasted being sucked into Real Housewives of (insert any city). I still had Netflix, but that soon became the addiction replacement.

Second step, no Netflix until after 8pm. I started to feel like I was a strict parent to myself, but just like Bravo, Netflix series became the same brain power suck that I was trying to avoid.

Third step, no music while writing or researching. Can I listen to anything anymore and still maintain my focus? Pop music was definitely out. Each song would spark a past memory and lead me down a rabbit hole. But I could do podcasts, but only to get inspired, when it came to writing, I needed full silence.

As I started to write this blog post, I actually tried all of these (with the exception of the cable box, because that doesn’t exist). Here’s what I learned.

TV – I have an HD antenna so I get local channels and some amazingly crappy shows including Judge Judy and Family Feud. Don’t expect to get anything done with this on. Data entry becomes littered with mistakes and my energy is around 10-15%.

Netflix – With each episode leading to the next, I can zone out of the show and get some basic work done. Anything requiring research or comprehensive problem-solving is out the door. Productivity around 20-30%

Music – This stalls me out completely. I like to listen to 2000s Hip Hop on Slacker radio. It’s amazing that I even bother opening up my laptop. As soon as I hear a song, I start Googling random stuff or scrolling through Facebook. Productivity around 5-10% if anything.

Podcasts – I love being inspired by Podcasts especially while doing the 100-Day Blog Challenge, but at some point I need to pause the episode and write in silence. Productivity around 40-60%.

Silence – I can’t believe I’m admitting this. I LOVE SILENCE! No distractions, no music, only the white noise of my AC. Even my dog’s steps are distracting right now. I love to be in the zone with my brain connecting directly the letters on my keypad. It’s like a stream of consciousness.

After making my observations, I’ve adjusted my view on work space. I used to think I needed to be around people, so I signed up for a co-work space or went downstairs to the Game Room or to a coffee shop. I found myself extremely distracted and annoyed I even made the trek. Now that I’ve reworked my apartment to face the natural light and water views, I feel free to write all day long. The key is keeping my space organized and clean.

I’m curious to hear your take on sound and productivity. I know one person, in particular, that needs to have CNBC on in the background to get any work done. I’ll be digging into this topic in later posts with more scientific backing, but wanted to get the conversation started.

The Power of Intention: How I Meditated My Way on Stage with Wyclef Jean

If you follow me on Instagram or Facebook, you’ve seen the proof in phot and video format – I freakin’ rapped for Wyclef Jean!

Let me back the story up a bit to give you some context. A week prior, my boyfriend received a call from a venue he works with asking him to provide sound equipment and guitars for a private event with an alcohol company. As he put the phone on speakerphone, I heard his name “Wyclef.”

It took everything in my to not start jumping up and down and screaming like a crazed fan girl. I grew up listening to The Fugees and wanted to be Lauryn Hill. I sang every song and mastered each rap in the mirror. I perfected my hip shake to be like Shakira in “Hips Don’t Lie.” I took a deep breath and thought “I’m going to rap for Wyclef.”

The idea slipped away as work priorities and other gigs filled my time. Then Wednesday rolled around. I spent the whole day working on a 2-minute intro video (I’ll save this one for another post) and took my dog for a walk. Then everything went black. I couldn’t see clearly. Black spots covered words and faces and a throbbing pain started at the base of my neck and sinuses. “Not today, Mr. Migraine!”

I decided to lay down and play a Yoga Nidra recording. If you haven’t tried it, download InsightTimer and put 30 minutes aside (it’s free too!). Yoga Nidra is amazing (Thank you, Kate Wiggins for introducing me J ) It’s a guided meditation that puts you in a yogic sleep where you focus on your intention as if it’s already happened. I’m probably addicted to it. Oh well!

I awoke from my meditation relaxed, still with impaired vision, but a clarity on what I saw. I was on stage at the venue performing. I pointed at Wyclef who was sitting as he raised his arms in approval. I knew it was going to happen.

We arrived at the venue and my full sight returned after a coffee and Tylenol. After an hour of set up, we waited for the guest of honor to arrive. He rolled in casually with a blue hoodie covering his hair and white jeans with zipper embellishments. He said hello to a few people and posed for pictures before getting comfortable on stage. He sat on a stool with a classical guitar and I noticed something was missing – a tambourine!

I approached the stage. “Hi! Would you like some tambo at your feet?” I asked.

He looked at me slightly intrigued, but puzzled. “Yes! How do you know about this?”

“My boyfriend (pointing at his direction) is a musician and likes to keep it near someone in the band’s foot to make a fuller sound.”

His eyes widened. “You guys are musicians?! Do you play?” He asked with increased enthusiasm.

“I rap.” I responded with a confident playfulness.

“I gotta hear this!”

After about five or six songs, he paused. “I hear these guys play music and she raps. I wanna hear this!”

The crowd erupted in applause and we took the stage. I felt like Taylor Swift at an awards show. “Me??!?! Oh my god!?!?!”

Justin started playing my favorite song “This is Love” after a couple of verses I came in and went full blown JRZ FRSH with my rendition of “Big Poppa.” After the first lyric, I saw it. Wyclef’s arms in the air as he shouted, “Oh Shit! She’s doin’ Biggie!” Before the song finished, Jean came to the mic as we closed it out with a harmonized chorus. “I remember when we used to say. This is Love. This is Love. This is Love.”

The room was buzzing as the final chord hit. Applause filled the room as Wyclef came back on stage. A huge smile was on his face as he turned to the mic. “That shit was cold. Country. Rap. She’s Doing Biggie. Harmonies. What the Fuck!” Then he started strumming and presented his own rendition of “This is Love” that transitioned perfectly into “No Woman No Cry.”

After a couple more songs, he asked us back on stage. “Is this really happening? Are we having a show WITH Wyclef?!?” And that’s exactly what happened.

I didn’t feel nervous because my intention was set. I knew it was going to happen as needed to. I knew it was going to be amazing and a night I would never forget.

Hmm. What else should I manifest through my intentions?

Here is the video from Facebook Live.

Sourcing Confidence

Earlier this week, I received an email to speak at an upcoming workshop for female professionals looking to expand their confidence. I was so excited and immediately said yes without any concern for the details. After speaking to my contact at the non-profit, she repeated what I have been hearing and reading about – women lacking confidence.

My immediate reaction was “Hell yea! Let’s do this!” but as I sat with topic I felt sadness and frustration wash over me. How are we in 2017 and still here? Why are we still having the same issues?

In true Lauren form, I converted my sadness to action and started writing my talk. I wanted to start at the root of what confidence is. Here it is from the dictionary:

con·fi·dence /ˈkänfədəns/  noun

1.       the feeling or belief that one can rely on someone or something

2.       the state of feeling certain about the truth of something

3.       a feeling of self-assurance arising from one's appreciation of one's own abilities or qualities

Do you see what I see?

Look at the ordering of these definitions. The first definition is about relying on external elements to feel confident. Self-assurance and appreciation of our abilities and qualities is third. The dictionary is falling in line with the same nonsense of advertising companies - external validation. Can we rewrite this bullshit?

Confidence starts from within us. We gather the facts and truths about who we are and we rely on them to own our space and power. While it’s nice that others believe in us too, when we truly own our confidence, it’s like a couple of sprinkles on the ice cream sundae we’ve made for ourselves.

You may be asking. What do I do if I don’t feel confident?

1.       Call me or my mom. We’re awesome at having celebration parties for people and pumping them up!

2.       Start writing. If you could feel confident, what would it look like? What would you sound like? What would you posture be like? How would you enter a room?  What would be different?

3.       From that List, highlight what you’ve already done or are doing. This is your truth list.

4.       Continue building your truths. Continue believing your truths.

5.       Reach out to other confident women and hold yourself to the same level of self-care and support.

6.       Believe You are Worthy! You were put on this planet for a reason. Ain’t nobody got time to wallow, you’ve got shit to do!

Me Too.

There is a movement among the Facebook community: “Me Too.”

“If all the women who have been sexually harassed or assaulted wrote "Me too" as a status, we might give people a sense of the magnitude of the problem.
Please copy/paste (if you are comfortable)”

I participated. I have been sexually harassed more than once in personal and professional environments. I didn’t ask for it. I didn’t wear a sign that said, “Please Sexually Harass Me.” I have stood up for myself and challenged the behavior only to be called a bitch and other derogatory names. I have reported it to HR professionals only to be asked what I did to provoke it or to be told that he thought “y’all were just friends.”

In 8th grade, after months of being objectified and disrespected, I stood up for myself and challenged a guy to say what he was whispering about me. When he laughed it off, I said, "What, you don't have the balls now to say it?" He reported me to the Principal's office and I was suspended for 3 days for sexual harassment.

I have also had others step in and protect me and report the wrong doing on my behalf. During my first year as an Executive Director, I had my butt grabbed my a drunk member during a networking reception. One person saw it and immediately grabbed the perpetrator and forced him to apologize. He was later fired from his job. I saw this person three years later and got a heart felt apology.

The last straw for me at my last job was when a female Board member flashed a picture of male genitalia in my face at a Board dinner. When I recoiled in disgust and moved my seat, she changed the story and pointed the finger of me as the source of the image. My boss at the time laughed it off and said it was no big deal. Let me be clear: This is not okay. This is not normal. This is not something that I accept.

I have had other women and men trust me with their own stories. There are too many of us. Something needs to be done.

No one deserves to have their personal space violated. No one deserves to feel less than. No one deserves to touch you or say anything that makes you uncomfortable.

To victim-shame and question the behavior, appearance or any other trivial characteristic that would direct blame outside of the predator, is disgusting. To everyone out there pointing fingers, this could be you or a family member, friend, colleague or anyone passing you on the street.

I’ve seen too many “Me Too” posts. I am angry and sad and frustrated that we allow this behavior to continue and chalk it up as “locker room antics.” It’s more than that it’s abuse.

It is a systematic way to strip power away from people and make them feel less than.

I have news for all of you still behaving like Neanderthals… it didn’t work and we’re getting strong. See we have this amazing thing called resilience and our power is growing. We’re protecting one another and holding our heads high and ultimately your insecurities and vulnerabilities will be exposed. You have one of two options:

Option 1: Continue on and be exposed.

Option 2: Admit you were wrong and ask for forgiveness.

Hint: I strongly recommend option 2. I’ll actually take you on as a pro bono coaching client. See there’s far more strength in someone who admits there were wrong and wants to change. That’s growth. We all have it in us, but first we must admit we need to change in order to grow.

Taking On Someone Else's WordPress Mess

You just took on a new position and you couldn’t be more excited. New office, new co-workers, new perspective. It’s perfect! And then you see it, the Wordpress website that was set up by someone else that you are now responsible for “managing” aka fixing. It’s a hot mess and you are immediately overwhelmed. What do you do now?

Step 1: Take a Breath

Step 2: See If Anyone Else on the Team Has Ever Worked on The Site

                If yes, download as much information as you can.

                If no, let’s take a trip to the backend of the site in Step 3.

Step 3: Investigate the Backend

                Within the Dashboard you’ll be able to view navigation to edit your site. If this was created by someone else, they most likely have customized a theme in WordPress. Take a look at the “Pages” tab, “Appearance” tab, and “Widgets.” What looks like it can be updated or changed?

(Last month I took on helping a client update a website (holy hot mess batman!) there were widgets and custom plug ins littered through the existing pages that made editing it a nightmare. After 12 hours of wrestling with the site using my basic level html knowledge, I uncovered it.)

Step 4: Make a Priority List of What Needs to Be Changed                                             

Next to each item, highlight what you can do easily, with further research or completely out of your scope.

Once you’ve worked through your priorities, start with the low hanging fruit to prevent full frustration burnout and then move on to the more challenging items.

If it’s beyond your scope, check with your budget and reach out to sites like Upwork.com to see if a developer can help you.

Step 5: Assess if it Can Be Saved or Redone

Depending on the age and disrepair of the site, it may be easier for you to start fresh with a new site. Think about how much time and money needed to fix the site v. the time and cost to create a new site. Be careful to save all files, navigation and copy before starting on a new site.

How to Start a Podcast

I’m a big fan of podcasts. I listen to them when I’m in transit to everywhere I go – running, walking, metro, and riding in the car. It’s my constant source of entertainment, pop culture, industry knowledge and inspiration.

I’ve toyed around with the idea of starting a podcast related to the 100-Day Blog Challenge, but before I get started, I wanted to do a bit of research to see what I needed to know about starting a podcast.

1.       Make A Plan – Who is your listener? What problem are you solving? What is your unique take or perspective on the issue?

2.       What’s In a Name? – What are you going to call your podcast? Make it relevant and clever without being cheesy. Make sure it’s within your brand. Use your inspiration and creativity, but don’t linger here too long.

3.       Create a Topic Board - Make a list of relevant topics, lists and segments within each episode. The better you prepare in advance, the more relaxed you’ll be when recording.  

4.       Choose Your Format - Choose a format that is balanced with quality and sustainability. If you are having guests, make sure they are confirmed in advanced. If it’s just you, make sure it’s relevant and the content changes to keep people interested.

5.       Equip Yourself for Success – Once you choose your format, you’ll be able to narrow you’re your equipment needs – microphones, software editing, sound effects, etc. (Check out the bottom of this post for some ideas on equipment and software)

6.       Record Away – If you have the time, do multiple episodes in advance before you launch your podcast. You’ll be able to focus your efforts on promoting v. creating content and tracking down guests.

7.       Edit and Produce – You can use Audacity or other audio recording programs to edit your show. Include an intro or any sponsors, theme music, and wrap up music.

8.       Publish - Publish your podcast to sites like iTunes, Libsyn,  Podbean, and Hipcast among others.

9.       Promote, Promote, Promote. - Think about like-minded brands, groups and targeted audiences who would be interested in your podcast and potential sponsors you can bring on to help monetize your podcast.

If you have a podcast, feel free to share it below!

ADDITIONAL RESOURCES

MICROPHONES OPTIONS - Feel free to do your own search and reviews.

Blue Yeti USB Microphone

TONOR Pro Condenser PC Microphone Kit

AUDIO SOFTWARE

If you have a Mac, QuickTime Player is a great podcast recording tool.

If you have a PC, Audacity is a great alternative.

PODCAST DISTRIBUTION

iTunes

Libsyn

Podbean

Hipcast

Getting Back on Track

I’ve heard from several prospective clients that they just can’t seem to stay on track. Whether it’s exercise, sleep, meditation, or work, they feel frazzled and off their path. After listening closer, what they interpreted and internalized as failure, sounded more like activity overload met with judgment, expectations and the ever-shifting priorities of life.

After missing a workout or two, the routine seemed impossible to maintain and the flood of life obstacles and excuses came flooding in.

Last week I talked to my client about this. Every month we set a word or theme of intention. She chose “Stay on My Path.” I was curious and asked her what her path looked like. “A straight line from here to my goal with no distractions on the side of the road. It’s a two-lane road, but there’s no one else on the other side of the road.”

“But what if you need a potty break, a snack or gas in your car?” I asked playfully.

“Well I didn’t think about that,” she replied.

“What happens when you’re on a long road trip and all you see is the same landscape and no one else on the road?”

“I get bored and sleepy or I need to take a break.”

Light bulb!

“So what I’ve been creating in my strict approach to my tasks is forcing me to be distracted?” she asked.

“Let’s explore that. When are you most efficient and happy with your work?” I responded.

“When I’m bounding from task to task, creating, chatting with clients, brainstorming with friends and colleagues, and taking a movement break,” she answered.

“So how can we rebuild your path to keep you more consistent and fluid?”

“I think I need to be nicer and more flexible with myself. My load is heavy and high and the expectations I have on myself to get it all done stress me out even more.” She exhaled deeply releasing the tension she had been holding onto

The pattern of expectation overload met with an unrealistic sense of expectations is a winning combination for frustration, exhaustion, burnout and quitting. We are triggered everywhere we go by people, conversations, environments, and internal dialogue among many others. If we don’t plan for those triggers and have coping mechanisms to manage them, how can we expect to stay on track with what’s important?

Does it have to be perfect to be done? Nope! And by the way perfection does not exist.

Can you get back on track after break? Absolutely! So, make today your day to rebuild your path or track and plan for triggers and needed breaks.

Knowing When It’s Time to Move On

Last week I sat down with a neighbor who was feeling torn. On one hand, she had an amazing opportunity to work at her dream job. On the other, the guilt and responsibility of a position that not only violated rules and laws, but also her core values. She just couldn’t seem to close the door on her past to open the door to her future.

You may be thinking, “This should be a slam dunk decision. Leave the job and work your dream job.”

But an easy decision it wasn’t. She battled with the weight of obligation to take care of her co-workers and members from a toxic situation. If she wasn’t there, what would happen to them? What would happen to the organization is she left?

I can totally relate. I overstayed my last two jobs for the same reasons. My concern for others’ wellbeing always outweighed my own sanity and health. Even after months of crying and stress related health issues, I stayed. I thought I could make it better for everyone else. I thought I could protect my staff and clients. But I was one person and it wasn’t my company.

It wasn’t until, I stopped and put myself first. “Who’s going to take care of me?” That realization that no one was fighting for my best interest was the wake-up call I needed. Those long hours at the office and lost hours from my pillow, no one else cared about.

I needed to answer the following questions:

Why was my interpretation of what other people needed more important than my own actual needs?

What did I really want to do?

What was I preventing by staying?

What was I adding by staying?

What could life be like if I started something new?

What do I deserve?

The last question stuck with me: What do I deserve? It was at the core of my tolerance for people and situations that didn’t work. Relationships, living situations, and financial decisions, all felt out of my control. It was a complete contradiction to the tough girl persona I put on for all of those years. By loving myself and realizing I deserved to be taken care of, first by me, gave me the strength I needed to move on. I made the decision with focused intention, not irrational fear. I was scared for change, but was more afraid of what would happen to me if I stayed any longer. I knew it was my time to move on.

Neighbor Update: I saw my neighbor this morning, a week after our talk. Her face was bright and life had returned to her eyes. “I resigned!” she proclaimed. I gave her a high-five.  

Thank You, IRS.

Dear IRS,

I wanted to say thank you. I’m sure you’re used to getting tons of correspondence, but very rarely do you receive gratitude.

A few months ago, I received a notice from you that I owed hundreds of thousands of dollars. At first I was flattered that you thought I was worth so much in one year! But then I realized you weren’t talking about Monopoly money.

I panicked at the thought of a huge bill as a new business owner. But then you sparked my inner bad ass. I gathered my documentation and was able to reflect on the profit I made from my house sale and the personal progress I had made from the end of 2015.

After speaking with an awesome accountant, I refiled my 2015 taxes and for a nominal fee I was resolved of the stress and could truly close a chapter in the book of my past life.

So, thank you for making me see my worth.

Thank you for giving me full closure.

Thank you for inspiring to take myself seriously.

Your friend,

Lauren

Tag, You’re It: Tips for YouTube Tagging

We spend tons of time developing content, but if we don’t get the expected engagement, it can feel like a failure. This is exactly what I experienced when it came to my “Water Cooler Wednesdays” series. I spent hours coming up with topics and content and then filmed and edited each weekly episode. After 30 episodes, I hit a wall. Even after boosting posts on Facebook, I didn’t get the response I hoped for. So, I put the series on ice to focus on other content.

Last week I had an amazing meeting with some rock stars in the association space. During our brainstorm on creating content for YouTube, it became clear to me how much traction I was missing by not using tags correctly and consistently.

So now I’ll pass along my knowledge and resources to prevent your social media melancholy. In this post, we’ll focus on You Tube videos.

What is a Tag?

A tag is a keyword used to describe and highlight the content in your video. Tags should be relevant to your content. Tags help increase your views by expanding the search targets for viewers who are searching or scanning content.

There are three types of tags: Specific, Compound and Generic

Specific Tags – These are focused on your specific content. If your video is on how to make a dog costume for Halloween, specific tags would include “Halloween”, “Dog”, “Costume”, “DIY”, and “How to.”

Compound Tags – These tags use two or more words together. Using the same example, compound tags would include “Halloween Dog Costumes”, “How To Dog Costume”, “Dog Costume”, “DIY Dog Costume.” If you are using compound tags, take out filler words like and, or, as, the. YouTube ignores these words in their searches. With a 500-character cap in your tags, choose your words wisely.

Generic Tags – These tags help to classify the theme or genre of your video. If your video is instructional, your generic tag would be “How to” or “DIY.” Be consistent with your themes to increase your subscriber list. When people know what to expect from your content, they’ll keep coming back.

Now that you know your tags, you can plug them into your posted content. If you’ve already published your video, click on “Edit Video” and enter in each tag in the “Tag” field.

You’ll want to lead with your strongest tag. If you’re unclear about this, think about if you were a viewer of your video. What terms would you search for and want to find it?

Don’t be afraid to explore and play. You can always change your tags.

Track your data.  Look for upticks. What tags did you use? What is your most popular content?

Test Out Your Tags. Plug in your tags and see what comes up. If your video doesn’t work in that tag, try to rework it.

Look for Examples. Which videos do you love to watch? What can you incorporate in your own video? What tags are they using?

If you have a YouTube channel, feel free to post it! I’d love to view it.

How to Create Content

If you’re reading this, you may have stumbled upon my 100-Day Blog Challenge. I’m over a third of the way through and have been loving the process of pumping out content. I’m sure there are other aspects of my life that I could be spending time in, but I’ll just write about it instead.

I’ve heard from a number of people who were stunned that I was able to do The 30-Day Blog Challenge. They were perplexed where I found the time and came up with the ideas, so I thought I’d dedicate this post to my process of creating content and hopefully one or some of you will be inspired to create your own content!

1.       Release the Judgment – Before you get started, I want you to do one very important thing. Do this for you. Your writing is a product of you and if you decide to keep it to yourself or post it for the world to see, it is 100% your decision. So write like no one is reading it. This is your gift to yourself. Fuck what anyone else thinks.

2.       Make a List of Topics the Get You Excited – My list included small business lessons learned, relationships, time management, communication styles, creativity, my dog, etc. Pretty general to start.

3.       Have Conversations with Interesting People and Capture the Themes – When I’m not writing, I’m gabbing away with anyone who will tolerate it. From the concierge in my building to the Uber driver, I am fascinated by people’s stories and what I learn in the process. When the conversation is over, I write down the main points in the notes section of my phone to recall the important parts when I’m ready to write.

4.       Go for a Long Walk – My best ideas come during my long walks in DC – usually when I’m coming or going from a client session. When you move, the creativity starts to flow and you can link together patterns and themes.

5.       Listen to Podcasts – Get inspired by other people’s inspirations. I love expanding on topics I hear. Whether you agree or disagree with what’s being said, there is a gold mine of content right in between your ears that gets sparked with other content you’re listening to.

6.       Be Still – Close your eyes and be silent. Let your brain do all the work. When your body is still, your brain goes into hyper drive until you can fully quiet it, so use it. Get your mental butterfly net out and capture your ideas.

7.       Make Time and Write -  Once you have your ideas and inspiration, schedule your time to write – preferably on a daily basis to create a solid habit. I find that first thing in the morning after I’ve walked the dog is the best time. My apartment is filled with natural light and everything is still around me. At my max, I’ve cranked out four posts in one morning, but pace yourself as needed.

I hope this inspires you to create your content. This was very writing-centric, but can be applied to making videos or any other creative composition. If you want to learn more about unleashing your creativity, I highly suggest “Big Magic” by Elizabeth Gilbert. It changed my life!

Rebounding from Rejection

This week I was rejected twice. The first from a client that I thought was a sure thing. The second for a training offering. It nudged me a bit, but didn’t knock me down. In fact, this time around, it rebounded me into reflection and inspiration.

It hasn’t always been this way. In the early months of my business, I went through the roller coaster of high expectations to the pits of disappointment.  I would meet someone and get super excited about the potential work and projects as if it was already happening. Nine times out of ten, these situations wouldn’t work out and I would be left feeling dejected and worthless. I’d stay in bed for the day, eat a bag of sour cream and onion chips and watch a full season of a Netflix show. I would question my path and consider going back to the safety of a 9-5. Eventually I’d call a friend or my mom to shake me out of my funk and force me to take a shower and face the day.

Thankfully I’ve shortened my bounce back from rejection. Here is my Toolkit for Rejection Repair.

1)      Track Your Wins – Every day you win. You’re alive and aware. Just look around and look for the wins. They are there for you. Write them down and remind yourself how lucky you are.

2)      Lessons Learned – When things don’t go your way, think of 3-5 things that you learned in the process. What can you apply going forward to have a better result? What did you do great? What are you proud of?

3)      Brainstorm New Opportunities – You can be sad, but only for a little bit. You have work to do! Set your timer for ten minutes and come up with twenty ideas to add value to your business, bank account or bottom line. By putting yourself in an opportunity mindset, you’re already on your way out of the funk.

4)      Practice Self-Care – When things don’t go your way, do something nice for yourself. May a cup of tea, go for a walk, call a good friend, snuggle with a random puppy, or whatever makes you feel warm and fuzzy inside. If that doesn’t work, pop on your favorite song and sing at the top of your lungs while dancing like a Disco Queen. When you take care of yourself, your perspective will shift to positive growth.

These are just a few things I use. My clients have adopted variations of these strategies to cope with their shifting wins and challenges. Try some on and tweak as necessary.

Retraining Your Reactions: How to Become a Calmer Communicator

I am a recovering immediate-responder. During my time in Corporate Land, I was infamous for my overreactions. I took any policy, staffing, or procedure change personally and wanted everyone to know about my displeasure. It was exhausting.

Take the Timesheet policy change for example. When my former company changed their policy on tracking non-exempt employees’ time, I was working three time zones away from the office. As soon as the email arrived in my inbox, my blood started to boil. “How dare they police employees!” I pounded on my keyboard as I wrote snippy emails to my supervisor demanding an explanation. I claimed it was on behalf of my team.

This was almost a weekly occurrence with only a minor shift in the topic. My perception was that my company was out to take advantage of the little guy and it was my job to defend them. Now I wasn’t this paranoid about everything, but I definitely blew things out of proportion on first glance.

So how did I shift away from being a reactive shit-stirrer every day?

First, as a disclaimer, I still have strong pulls to revert back to this way of reacting, so having a strong and consistent practice to change your behavior is key.

1.       Take a Deep Breath – I feel it in my body when I’m tensing up. My chest is tight. My neck is like a rock and my temples feel like a vice grip. I find that taking deep breaths (4 second inhale into my lower belly, holding for 4 seconds, and then exhaling for 4 seconds) helps to reduce the stress reaction. I try to take at least five breaths until I feel the change in my body.

2.       Be Inquisitive When Reading or Listening – When I can come from a place of wanting to understand, I can get the full picture of the situation, see more options and solutions, and reduce my assumptions and judgments.

3.       What Can I Learn from This? – This past week I got some critical feedback. It made me want to run and hide or defend myself, but I paused and asked myself, “What is this trying to teach me?” So I listened, asked questions in a neutral tone and within ten minutes the issue was resolved and I wasn’t carrying a load of yucky feelings for the day.

4.       Put Yourself in Their Shoes – If you are prone to only see things from your vantage point or interpret things as happening to you, step into the role of the person on the other side of the table, phone, or computer screen. What kind of day do you think they’ve had? What do you think they need right now to have a better day? Even if you’re getting screamed at, know #1 you don’t deserve it #2 it’s not about you. This doesn’t excuse bad behavior, but it does release the responsibility you’re probably taking on and internalizing.

5.       Smile When You Read Emails – I find that I can change the way I hear tone from others when I smile as I read.

6.       Don’t Be The First to Respond – I have a tendency to jump into conversations before the other person has finished their thought. In cases like this, I’m not actually listening, but instead crafting my response. You don’t have to get the last word in either.

7.       Create Your Communication Intention – How do you want to show up with others? If you don’t like how you’re feeling about your dynamic, how do you want to feel? Write down those descriptors and keep them nearby and focus on them often. People and situations will trigger you, but only you are in charge of your reactions. No one made you get mad. No one made you lose your composure. It’s all you, so own it and start making changes on a minute-to-minute basis.

How to Build Community: The Story of Monday Night Potluck

I am a proud member of The Monday Night Potluck, a weekly get together in my apartment building where 10-20 of us share dishes, wine, and conversation. It’s an amazing group of people from different countries, cultures and perspectives and has made start looking forward to Mondays.

It all started in June 2016 when my friend, neighbor and Fairy Dog Mother, Tish, and I decided to use the grills in our communal courtyard. True to form we cooked way too much food and didn’t want to waste it, so we started texting our other neighbors. Two joined us that night. “We can have this much fun on a Monday night?” we asked ourselves. “Why not?!”

The next week our group of four met again in a more organized fashion, but still way too much food, so we continued the pattern of inviting others – this time hollering at people as they walked into the building.

“We should do this every week!” we all agreed. And that’s what we did.

We started it as “Monday Night Grill Out” with the following rules:

-          All are welcome.

-          If you’re coming bring a dish or a bottle of wine to share.

-          Friends are allowed.

-          You must answer the question of the night.

Soon our twosome ballooned to 12 people in a month! We had actors from Arena Stage, a Congressmen, lawyers, entrepreneurs, IT professionals, government workers, and more all at one table enjoying each other. We formed a community with a mutual understanding to enjoy our time with one another.

At our peak, we had 28 people at the table!

In the winter months, we moved our party inside which led to the name change: Monday Night Potluck. We now have a Facebook group where we share news and updates and have continued the tradition for well over a year.

This has become my family in a city that could easily feel overwhelming. Not only do I look forward to Mondays, but I love catching up with my neighbors in the hallways, sidewalks and stores around our neighborhood. I feel like I belong and that my community has my back.

It starts with one person inviting another. The key is consistency and openness. Not everyone will be free every week or month, but you must continue. Your tribe will come. Just keep trying!

Where Are My Blind Spots?

I haven’t thought about blind spots since I owned a car two years ago. They highlighted an unseen risk that could be avoided if I changed my position or perspective. This usually required looking over my shoulder, using another mirror or asking a passenger to look.

During my Myers-Briggs Type Indicator certification, I also got to dive into my own blind spots. “There’s no way I have those.” I thought. “I'm super self-aware of my faults and weaknesses.”

So wrong.

When we think of decision-making, we can break it down into four components for simplicity sake.

1)      Gathering the Facts

2)      Brainstorming and Building the Plan

3)      Executing the Plan

4)      Gaining Buy In

With my personality type (ENTP), I was able to highlight my dominant reaction (Intuition), or building the plan, followed by executing the plan. I love being inspired and going into action and making it happen.

What’s missing? The details and the buy in.

By skipping over the facts, I wasn’t able to fully address roadblocks or alternative options. I had the shell of the plan, but waited until it was necessary to figure out the details.

When I didn’t have buy in, I found myself feeling misunderstood or unsupported in my endeavors. In order to get the buy in, I needed the details to support it.

This is a very simplistic view of the decision-making process, but highlights a critical flaw that we all share. Whatever our process, we can overlook or overcompensate our strengths leaving us without the full and complete picture.

If you’d like to get a full report and debrief of your MBTI type, contact me for a full assessment and session.